Inevitable
by pumpkinjuiced
Summary: AU. E/O. If Olivia had married the student that proposed to her when she was 16. Read the first chapter for a better overview. It's gonna be a wild ride, kids, buckle up.
1. Prologue

AN: Okay, so I know I really have no business starting a new story, but I got an idea and I just had to run with it. Just for a little background, this story is an AU speculating on what may have happened if Olivia had married the boy that proposed to her at 16. This story all takes place in the early 2000s so, I'm imagining season 4 hair for Olivia. I don't want to tell too much, but this is an eventual Elliot and Olivia pairing (of course). I know it's going to take a while to develop, so hopefully, I can stick with it and write something you guys enjoy. We're starting with a short prologue, so, read on and leave reviews, please!

Prologue

 _January 2_ _nd_ _, 2001_

It was only 6 am, but the Rhodes house was already bustling with activity. Olivia Benson-Rhodes's mind was whirling with the things she needed to complete and what she needed to buy for dinner and the homework her son had been assigned last night. She stood at the stove, carefully tending to a couple of sunny side up eggs. She narrows her eyes as she notices the edges getting too brown on one egg. Exhaling slowly, she discards the eggs she's been working on for the last couple of minutes, and cracks two new ones, starting over. Her son's nanny sits at the kitchen island, listening as Olivia rattles off a few instructions.

"It's the first day back at school, so Luke may not wake up on time," Olivia says, moving the eggs a little in the pan. Her voice dies out as she focuses her energy on the eggs and keeping them from burning. After a couple of minutes, she moves them off the heat and slides them onto a plate. After this, she lies two thick strips of bacon in the pan and turns the heat up a notch before turning to the toaster and putting in two slices of bread. When this is done, she continues. "If he's not downstairs in 10 minutes, you can go wake him up. There's math tutoring tonight, so you won't have to pick him up until three. He asked if Dickie could come over, so I think you'll be picking them both up, but I can call Kathy or Elliot to confirm; I'm not really sure who he's staying with this week."

The toast pops up in the toaster and Olivia removes the slices, cutting them in half and buttering each piece carefully. She adds the bacon from the stove to the plate she's prepared before turning and setting it down at the head of the kitchen table, next to a glass and silverware. She glances at the time on her watch and walks over to the fridge to grab a pitcher of orange juice. The quick movement sends a sharp pain through her ribcage that forces her to stop and take a moment to breathe.

But the moment passes, and Olivia pulls out the pitcher, also setting it on the table. She runs her eyes over the place setting, mentally checking everything she'd needed to set up before looking at the clock once more and returning to the stove to clean up. The pan goes in the dishwasher, the stove is wiped down, the cabinets are shut. Exhaling slowly, she leans against the counter and counts down.

 _3, 2,1…_

The front door swings open. Enter Jonathan Rhodes, Olivia's husband. He's an attractive man, and he has been since the day she met him when she was sixteen. He has blonde cherub curls and warm hazel eyes that pair nicely with his tan skin. He is the kind of man that people instantly warm up to, and even now, slightly sweaty from his morning job, he is easily one of the most handsome men in New York.

He flashes a smile at Patrice, their nanny, before stepping into the kitchen. He slides an arm around Olivia's waist and pulls her in to press a kiss to her temple. Olivia offers a small, tight-lipped smile and tries her hardest to ignore the way his touch makes her skin bristle.

"Good morning, doll," Jonathan says, letting Olivia go. He goes to the fridge and grabs a water bottle, opening it with one of his strong hands. "Are you getting ready to leave for work?"

"Yes," Olivia says, grabbing the lunch she'd packed for herself. "I made your breakfast though. Luke should be down soon."

Jonathan glances at the table as Olivia mentions breakfast. He quickly flicks his eyes over the plate before shaking his head and taking another sip of water.

"No thanks," he says, and Olivia's heart sinks. "I'm in more of an oatmeal mood."

"Oh."

Jonathan steps over to Olivia, who's standing at the sink, cheeks red for a reason that she can't describe. He places his hand on the small of her back and she jumps.

"Hey, I appreciate the effort," he says, with that deep, honey voice. Olivia closes her eyes and takes a breath before nodding.

"Okay."

She steps away from him, not looking at him because she doesn't want to see his eyes narrow. She hears him take another sip of water, but aside from the crinkle of the water bottle, the kitchen is quiet. At the island, Patrice coughs.

"I'll go wake up, Luke," she says, flicking her eyes between Olivia and Jonathan. She stands and moves to walk up the stairs. As soon as she's out of earshot, Jonathan clears his throat, getting Olivia to turn and meet his eyes. He stares at her for a moment, making Olivia's stomach flip.

"I'm sorry about last night," he finally says, his voice resigned.

"I know," Olivia says, leaning against the counter. She can't keep up the eye contact, and so she lets her gaze fall to the floor, staring very intently at a red mark that contrasts intensely with the otherwise spotless blue and white tile.

"You're right," Jonathan continues. "About the drinking. I'm going to cut back."

"Okay."

"You know I love you. And Luke. And baby number two."

Olivia freezes, her eyes closing again. She thinks about the unborn child inside her now, about what they will be born into. Thinks about what she's gotten herself and her son into.

"Livvie."

Internally, Olivia groans. She does not like that nickname. When it comes off of her husband's tongue, it sounds sickly sweet and repulsive. It doesn't fit her. She doesn't want to respond to it, but she does not know how not to.

"I know," she says, opening her eyes and looking back at Jonathan. He looks so sincerely, his golden eyes meeting hers, his jaw locked with determination. She almost begins to believe him. He knows how she feels about alcohol, and how It makes people act. He's going to stop drinking. She smiles at him. He smiles back.

"I'll take Luke to school," he says, patting her arm gently and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You go ahead and get to work."

At that, Olivia leaves. She does not look back.

•

Olivia doesn't get a chance to call Kathy or Elliot until 11. She'd had to make an excuse to get a chance to slip into her office, but as she reaches her door, her coworker, Jean stops her.

"I hear you're up for program manager," she says, sounding only a little jealous. "Congrats."

"Thanks," Olivia murmurs, heading into her office. She lets out a sigh of relief as she sits in her well-worn desk chair and pulls the phone towards her.

She tries Kathy first but gets no response. So next, she dials Elliot at work. He answers on the second ring.

"Stabler," he says. Olivia grins at his gruff voice. He certainly sounds like a cop.

"Hello, Detective," she says. "This is Olivia Benson-Rhodes, the mother of a troublemaker named Luke Rhodes. I believe he's cahoots with your son, Dickie Stabler, who asked to come over to our house this afternoon."

"Olivia," Elliot says, his voice immediately warming. "You don't have to say your whole name, you know. We're friends."

"Oh?"

"Well sure. Any mother of my son's best friend is a friend of mine."

Olivia chuckles a little, cradling the phone as she relaxed back into her chair.

"I didn't get you at a bad time, did I? I know you're a bigtime cop, do you have a suspect on the other line or anything?" It's Elliot's turn to laugh now.

"Well for starters, we don't usually interrogate suspects over the phone," he says. "And secondly, today is a paperwork day. So far, this phone call has been the most interesting part of my day."

"Well that's sad," Olivia says, trying to suppress a laugh. Elliot chuckles.

"I know it is," he says. "So, what's up? Dickie wants to come over?"

"Yes, Luke said he asked if he could spend the night. It's definitely fine with Jonathan and me, but I just wanted to call and double-check with you, so you wouldn't arrest my nanny for abducting your son from school." Elliot laughs again, the noise is deep and warm; a sound that develops in his chest and rolls its way up.

"That's fine with me," Elliot says when he's done laughing. "I can pick him up tomorrow morning. Kathy's going out of town this weekend, so I'll have all the kids."

"How are you two?" Olivia asks tentatively.

"Still separated," Elliot says, chuckling mirthlessly. "I signed the divorce papers a little while ago, so soon, it'll be official."

"I'm sorry," Olivia says, her voice lowered. She can almost see Elliot shrugging it off. "Let me know if I can do anything."

"Buy me a drink once this whole thing's over?"

Olivia smiles.

"I'm married," she says, and Elliot snorts.

"As a _friend_."

"I also don't drink," she continues. "How about nachos?"

"That actually sounds great right now," Elliot says, groaning slightly. "Cheese, beef, extra sour cream…"

Olivia's phone beeps, a signal that she has another call.

"Hey, Elliot, I've got a call on the other line."

"Let it ring. I don't want to go back to paperwork yet."

"Elliot…"

"And I like talking to you. Your voice is so soothing. Anyone ever tell you that you'd make a good cop?" Olivia makes a sound closer to a giggle now, trying to ignore the slight flutter she feels in her belly.

"You know, I used to want to be a cop," she says.

"Oh yeah? It's not too late."

The phone beeps again and Olivia sighs.

"Okay, I _really_ have to go, Elliot. Patrice will pick up the boys after school, and I'll make sure she tells Dickie to call when they get to the house."

"Thanks for watching him," Elliot says. "Bye."

"Bye."

Olivia presses the buttons to switch lines after this. She does not know it, but this button switch represents a sharp turn in the course of her life. She doesn't know it when the man on the other line asks if this is the number for Olivia Benson-Rhodes. She doesn't know it when he suggests that she be sitting down, or even when he states that she is the emergency contact for Jonathan Matthew Rhodes. But finally, when the words, "There's been an accident" come floating across the telephones lines and meet her in her Manhattan office, she knows that things will never be the same as they were only two minutes ago. This knowledge is both saddening and liberating at the same time, and so when these feeling both hit her at once, she does not know what to say, or what to do, or even how she's _supposed_ to feel. So, with shaking hands, she will listen to the man on the phone, and then she will hang up. She will stand and put her bag on her shoulder and she will walk at a steady, but brisk pace, out of her office without looking back. She'll get in her car and let go of a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and then she'll put her key in the ignition and go to pick her son up from school.

And after her son gets in the car, asking, "What's going on? Why are you here so early? Are you okay?" she'll look in the rearview mirror at the boy with hazel eyes just like his dad's; the boy who is her whole world and try to figure out how on earth she's supposed to tell him that his father has died.

Olivia feels both free and sad. It will take her a long time to figure out why.


	2. The PTA

AN: Hey again. I'm obviously excited about this story, and so I wrote the next chapter as quickly as I could. I do hope to explore some of Olivia's background with her mother and everything, but it'll take some time for her to open up in the situation I've planned, so stick with me. Thanks for the positive responses I've received so far; please continue to leave your thoughts in the reviews. Enjoy!

Chapter 1 – The P.T.A.

 _October 10th_ _, 2002_

It was warm for October. Olivia sat in her corner office, which was really more of a refurbished broom closet, fanning herself with a file. The windows were all open, but the air conditioning had been broken for a while and it felt as though the room temperature was steadily approaching 80 degrees. She exhaled a soft sigh and flicked her eyes over to the clock on the wall, realizing that thankfully, it was two o'clock and time for her to leave for the day.

She moved quickly, tossing a few files into her bag even though she knew she wasn't going to touch them once she got home. After closing the windows, she heaved her shoulder bag onto her arm, grabbed her keys, and exited her office.

On her way out, she nearly bumps into one of her coworkers. Adam, a lean man with close-cropped hair, runs his eyes over her before his upper lip curls into something between a smile and sneer.

"Leaving already?" he asks. Olivia's jaw locks. Usually, she wouldn't be so easily irritated, but the warm air had made her more annoyed and less patient, and there was sweat pooling under her arms and collecting on her brow, so she takes a quick breath and looks Adam in the eye.

"Do you know what time I get here in the morning?" she asks. Adam starts to shake his head, but she doesn't give him a chance to slip another snide remark into the conversation. "I get here at six in the morning. I come three hours early so that I can leave three hours early and be at my son's school when he gets out. Then, I go home to my one-year-old daughter, who I barely get to see, and then I'll make dinner, spend some time with my beautiful children and try my hardest to relax, even though I'll fail. So, excuse me. I have somewhere to be."

Adam is silent as she moves past him, undoubtedly trying to think of another jab to throw at her, but Olivia exits the building too quickly. As she steps outside, she takes a breath of fresh air, infinitely grateful for the slight breeze that hits her face. Unfortunately, the pleasant feeling is short-lived, as she has to get through a crowd of protesters to get around the corner. She keeps her eyes down, but somehow, the messages from the signs still burn into her mind. The same red letters that light up her eyelids at night and keep her from sleeping crowd her mind now:

"Abortion Kills!" "Protect the unborn!" "Defund Planned Parenthood!"

Olivia blinks a few times, pushing past the crowd and walking into the parking garage around the corner. Someone manages to shove a flyer in her hand and she clutches it as she heads up the stairs, still feeling like the protestors' eyes are on her. By the time she reaches her level, her breathing has quickened, even though she doesn't feel tired.

She throws the flyer in the back seat and before taking a shaky breath. She sits still for a minute, taking time to recompose herself before starting her car up. Trying to get her mind off of the scene on the sidewalk, she turns on the radio before pulling out of her spot.

Luke, her son, does not go to school very far away, but with traffic and construction, it takes her 20 minutes to get there. She parks on the street in front of the school and checks the time. They should be letting out in the next few minutes, which means that in a very short while, she'll see get to see her gorgeous son come flying down the steps, a smile on his face, a million words coming out of his mouth before she's even able to unlock the door.

This is one of the best parts of her day.

In 5 minutes, like clockwork, she watches as the front doors of the school open, children of all sizes streaming out. And like always, she finds a dark-haired boy with a cowlick moving a little faster than all the other kids, his hazel eyes searching for her. When he sees her car, he breaks into a grin. Olivia smiles as well, unlocking the door as he jogs down the sidewalk.

"Hey, mom," Luke says as he opens the door and climbs into the car. "Today, they told us that the fourth graders get to enter the science fair this year. Dickie and I wanted to do a volcano, but then Owen and his partner Shawn took that idea, so we decided that we could do something else. Dickie said his dad showed him how to make an explosion with Coke and Mentos, so I'm going to ask him if he can show me the next time I go over."

"Oh?" Olivia says, flicking her eyes back at her son as she pulls away from the curb. "That sounds cool."

"I know," Luke says, buckling his seatbelt. He pushes his backpack to the side and notices the flyer Olivia had tossed away earlier. He picks it up, reading silently. The lack of noise worries Olivia, and she glances into the rearview mirror.

"You okay?" she says, making a turn. When she doesn't receive a response, she looks back quickly, noticing the red flyer. "Hey, you don't need to read that, bud. Hand it to me." Luke does so, although it's a little reluctantly.

"How come some people don't like your job?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia asks, trying to ignore the heat in her cheeks. In the backseat, Luke plays with his fingers, a sign that he's thinking.

"The flyer said 'stop Planned Parenthood.' That's where you work," he says finally. When Olivia doesn't immediately say anything, he continues. "And when you came in for career day, I heard Owen's mom tell Dickie's mom that you were going to suffer eternal damnation for your crimes against the innocent." Olivia's eyebrows raise now, and she had to remind herself that she's driving to keep her eyes on the road.

"She _what_?"

"Then Dickie's mom told her to go stuff it and she didn't say anything else."

Olivia is going to have to remember to thank Kathy later. She shakes her head slightly, trying to figure what to tell her son.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," she says slowly, her cheeks still burning, but now in anger. "Owen's mom just has a different opinion than I do on my job."

"It's okay, mom," Luke says. "I don't believe her. I know you have an important job. You set up programs to help keep people healthy. That's why you left your old job. Because you said you wanted to do something that matters."

"That's right," Olivia says. "Some people just don't see the big picture."

The car is quiet for a moment. There are times that Olivia would have been elated to have a quiet car ride, but at the present moment, all she can hope is that her son hasn't been scarred by pro-life super-activists. Fortunately, he speaks up again.

"The principal said this morning that there's a PTA meeting tonight that all the parents are supposed to be going to. Are you going?"

"I was planning on it," Olivia says, looking into the rearview mirror. "You and Grace are going to stay with Amy tonight. I'd planned to make pizza for you guys before I leave."

"Cool," Luke says, sounding satisfied. "If you see Dickie's dad, can you ask if I can come over tomorrow to learn the Mentos trick?"

"And when were you going to ask me if you could go to Dickie Stabler's house?" Olivia says, feigning shock. Luke giggles.

"Now, mom," he says. "Can I please go spend the night at Dickie's house tomorrow? He's staying with his dad for the first time in like _forever_ and he said that he has Spiderman on VHS!"

"Spiderman?" Olivia repeats, mimicking her nine-year-old's shock. They're coming up on their block, and she runs her eyes over the road, delighted to find an empty spot to park in on the street.

"I know!" Luke says, his eyes widening a little in excitement. "Plus, he always makes wings when I come over and you never make wings."

"Okay, ouch," Olivia says, clicking her tongue as she begins to parallel park. "I suppose you can go over Dickie's house tomorrow _if_ his dad says it's okay. I'll let you know."

She glances back just in time to see Luke do a small victory fist pump into the air. He blushes when he sees that she notices, and she can't help but grin.

After they get up to the apartment, Olivia greets her babysitter and her younger child, a cute girl with dark brown curls and wide brown eyes. After giving the latter a kiss on the forehead, she prepares a quick snack for her two children, talking with Luke about his day. When she's finished cutting the fruit for their snack, she sets it down on the table and heads back to her bedroom to change. She nearly trips over one of Grace's toys on her way, and she suppresses a swear as she picks up the toy and returns it to her playpen. For just a moment, she misses the spaciousness of the townhouse she had lived in with Jonathan. However, she manages to quickly push the thought to the back of her mind and tries her hardest to get the image of her late husband out of her mind.

She gets back to her room and changes out of her suit pants and blouse into jeans and a light sweater before going to freshen up. When she returns to the front of the apartment, Luke has moved to the living room to do his homework, and Amy is walking Grace back to her room to change her. Olivia checks the time, then after deciding that she should start dinner, heads to the kitchen to start on the pizza she'd promised.

•

Olivia walks into the school auditorium at 5:56, silently thanking the universe that she'd made it on time despite the small tantrum Grace had thrown when she'd realized her mother was leaving again. She walks down the aisle and heads for a seat in the middle, but after noticing Julie, Owen's mom, she narrows her eyes and moves up a few rows, sitting near the front. Right after she sits down, someone slides down the row and plops next to her.

"I thought they were supposed to provide refreshments at this type of thing," the man says. Olivia, searching in her purse for her planner, doesn't immediately look up.

"They had punch at the door," she murmurs, and the man snorts.

" _Punch,_ " he repeats with distaste. "That hardly counts. Do you have any snacks in that bag?" Olivia looks up now, taken aback by this stranger's forwardness, at least until she meets eyes with Elliot Stabler, his blue eyes dancing with amusement.

"Elliot," she says, sounding exasperated. Elliot chuckles and nudges her leg gently, sitting back in his seat. "I was a few seconds away from moving seats."

"I'm sorry," Elliot says, still smiling. "But really, do you have any snacks? I'm just coming from work, and I didn't have a chance to eat lunch."

"Yeah, of course," Olivia says, chuckling and reaching into her purse. She pulls out a pack of graham crackers and passes it to Elliot before grabbing fruit snacks for herself. She crosses her legs and opens the package, smiling a little at her friend. "You know, I expected to see Kathy tonight. How are you?"

"Well, this morning when I was getting dressed, I reached for my wedding ring, before remembering that I've been divorced for about a year and a half, which sent me into an hour of self-exploration that made me 15 minutes late for work, so I'd say I'm doing alright."

"Oh, El," Olivia says, trying her hardest not to chuckle. "I'm sorry."

"I just need to pawn the damn thing," Elliot says, shaking his head and taking a bite of a graham cracker. "Do you ever do that? Start to put your ring on before you remember?"

Olivia thinks for a moment about her husband, his blinding white smile. How he'd asked her to marry her in the back of his car when she was only 16, and then proceeded to pull out the most brilliant diamond ring she'd ever seen. Thinks about how for the first time in her life, she'd seen a way to escape from her mother. Thinks about her and Jonathan's courthouse wedding the day after she'd turned 18. About the two rings tucked away deep in her sock drawer.

"No," she says softly, offering a tight smile to Elliot. His eyebrows knit a little, and she can see him about to apologize, but the screech of microphone feedback interrupts their conversation and Olivia and Elliot look towards the stage.

"Alright," the woman on stage says, smiling widely behind the microphone. "Let's get this meeting started. I'm Jeanine Torres, chairwoman of the PTA. This is our first meeting of the year, so we need to get some housekeeping out of the way. The first and most important item on our agenda is to elect this year's president and vice-president. We know that our previous president and vice, Helen and Victoria, are no longer on our board, as their children graduated."

"Is it really graduation if they only moved from elementary to middle school?" Elliot murmurs. Olivia stifles a chuckle.

"The positions of chairperson and secretary are already filled," Jeanine continues, motioning to the woman standing next to her. Olivia recognizes her as the mother of one of Luke's classmates. She thinks her name is Renee. "So, we just need those two spots filled. Do we have any nominations? Volunteers?"

The room is quiet. Being in charge of the PTA is a ton of work, nothing most full-time parents would want to willingly take on. Someone coughs.

"Oh, come on guys," Jeanine says, her eyes searching the room. "Neither of these jobs are that hard! All you have to do is plan the events for the children, fundraisers, run the meetings, and communicate with the principal and school board."

Still, no one speaks up. Jeanine moves away from the mic to whisper to Renee, who suddenly raises her eyebrows and points to Olivia's section. Jeanine turns to look and rushes back to the mic, looking pleased. Olivia turns her head just in time to see Elliot guiltily lowering his hand.

"Elliot Stabler!" Jeanine says, sounding pleased. "One of New York's _finest_ , we're so appreciative. Did you want to go for president?"

Olivia snorts at Jeanine's gushing and Elliot clears his throat, looking around at all of the eyes on him. Eventually, he stands.

"Ah," he begins, a little hesitant. "I'd love to, really. But with my job, I don't think there's any way I could…"

"Of course," Jeanine says, cutting him off. "So, you'll be vice then. We just have to find a president who's willing to work with you."

Her eyes run over the audience again and suddenly, everyone's very preoccupied with their purses and wallets and the floor design. Elliot falls back in his seat, defeated. Olivia is currently debating volunteering Owen's mother for the job.

But suddenly, Renee steps to the mic and looks in her direction. _Oh no, no. no._ She lowers her head, but she knows what's coming next anyway.

"Olivia Benson!" Renee exclaims, looking hopeful. Olivia slowly looks back up, shaking her head nervously. "You come to all the meetings, every after-school event. You're a great speaker."

"I couldn't…" Olivia says, ignoring the nudge she gets from Elliot. "Really, I mean, maybe Owen's mom, Julie, would be better suited for the job…"

"Oh no," Julie says, chuckling airly. "I'm an optometrist. I couldn't possibly find the time."

Olivia takes a breath, trying to keep herself composed. She looks back at the stage, where Renee is watching her hopefully.

"If you really don't want to you don't have to," Renee says. Olivia takes a relieved breath, ready to graciously refuse, but Renee continues. "I just think you'd be a really great president. I mean, you must be an amazing planner. My daughter went to your house in June for Luke's birthday party and she's been talking about it ever since."

There are a few murmurs of agreement. Olivia quickly decides that she is never allowing Luke to invite his entire class to a birthday party again. But, after looking at Renee one more time, and then glancing at Elliot, who is silently mouthing "please," she exhales a small sigh of defeat. Even though she knows she's going to regret it she offers a small: "Fine."

•

After the parents in attendance vote Elliot and Olivia in as vice-president and president, and the date for next month's meeting is set, everyone is allowed to leave. Olivia and Elliot have to stay behind of course to get Jeanine and Renee's numbers. Olivia is told that she'll be in charge of the agenda for the next meetings and is given a list of things that Jeanine feels they should discuss, but "the rest is up to you!"

Finally, she and Elliot say goodbye to everyone and head out into the parking lot. As soon as they're alone, Olivia pushes Elliot lightly.

"What the hell, Stabler?"

"I know, I know," Elliot begins, but Olivia shakes her head, running a hand through her hair.

"This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me at a PTA meeting," she says. "And once, Diane Jones, city councilwoman, asked me when my baby was due. I wasn't pregnant."

Elliot can't help but laugh, and eventually, Olivia does too, sighing. She glances at him.

"Really though, what made you volunteer?"

Elliot shrugs, stopping with Olivia once they reach her car. He rubs the back of his neck and offers her a sheepish grin.

"Honestly?" he says. Olivia nods and his smile widens. "I was just going to scratch my back. I would have _never_ willingly volunteered to be PTA president. Or vice-president."

Olivia chuckles, her laugh growing slowly, and Elliot joins in until they're both laughing hard, clutching at their sides.

"God, Elliot," she finally says, gasping. "That would be funnier if you hadn't roped me into it."

"I didn't mean to," Elliot apologizes. "I'm so sorry."

"And now we're in charge of all of this year's activities," Olivia says, sighing and looking at the list in her hand. "You have to help me get ready for this next meeting. It's in three weeks."

"Of course," Elliot says. "When do you want to meet up?"

Olivia thinks a little and remembers Luke asking to go to Elliot's house. She tucks her hair back behind her ear and leans against her car.

"Do you want to come over tomorrow evening?" she asks. "Luke was asking to hang out with Dickie this weekend, and he can spend the night if he wants. I know it's short-notice with your job and all…"

"No, that sounds fine," Elliot says. "I'll bring over Dickie and Liz after work."

"I can just pick them up when I get Luke after school," Olivia offers. "I know Kathy usually picks them up, and you live all the way in Queens, so I can just take them to my apartment and you can meet us later."

"You'll have to handle three kids and a baby," Elliot says tentatively. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's no problem," Olivia assures. "What about Maureen and Kathleen? Are they with you this weekend?"

"They opted to stay with Kathy," Elliot says. He doesn't elaborate, and Olivia doesn't press, but she notices the expression on his face shift a little. "So, it's just me and the twins."

"Alright," Olivia says, unlocking her car and smiling gently at Elliot. "I'll see you tomorrow then. I'll even cook for you."

"Oh, Dickie will be excited," Elliot says, chuckling. "He says you make the best spaghetti. Finally, I get the chance to see what all the hype is about."

"Really?" Olivia asks, brightening up a little. "Luke was talking about your wings earlier today."

"The funny thing is, wings are one of the only three things I know how to make," Elliot says, offering a small smile and getting Olivia's door for her. "I'll see you tomorrow, Liv."

"Bye, Elliot," Olivia says with a smile, climbing into her car. Elliot closes the door and walks away. Olivia hums a little to herself, excited for some reason about tomorrow's plans, before starting her car and heading home.

•

Olivia had planned to surprise Luke after school tomorrow when they picked Liz and Dickie up, but when she's tucking her son in, he remembers that he'd asked about spending the night at his friend's house.

"Did you talk to Dickie's dad?" he asks, climbing into bed. Olivia starts to pull up his cover.

"I did," she says. "I don't think you're going to be able to spend the night over there this weekend, but Dickie, Liz, and Elliot are coming over tomorrow, so maybe Dickie can stay with us tomorrow night."

"Okay," Luke says, seeming pleased with the compromise. "Why are they coming over?"

"Elliot and I are now in charge of the PTA," Olivia says, tucking Luke in. "So, he's coming over to help me plan for the next meeting."

"Oh cool," Luke says, surprising Olivia. "Does that mean you're going to be at my school more?"

"Yeah," Olivia says, smiling a little. "I guess it does."

She runs a hand through her son's hair, smoothing it down before leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Now get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

"I love you, mom. Goodnight."

Olivia's smile widens. She heads to the door, turning the light off. Luke's nightlight brightens, covering the room in dim stars.

"I love you, too. Goodnight."

Stepping out, she closes the door. She walks down the hall, stopping to check in on Grace, who's sound asleep in her crib. Then, she's able to begin her own nightly routine: taking a warm shower, pulling her hair up, and changing into pajamas. As she does all of this, she thinks about what she needs to do tomorrow, and again, finds herself excited about having company in the evening. As she climbs into bed, she attributes her excitement to the fact that she hasn't had the chance to entertain for a while, instead of to Dickie's dad Elliot, and his corny jokes.

She turns on her side, looking at the empty half of the bed. Thinks about Jonathan, like she does every night, and how she used to stay awake until she felt him climb in next to her.

She closes her eyes, inhaling deeply and for the millionth time, today tries to push his face out of her mind as she slowly falls asleep.


	3. Spaghetti Dinner

AN: Alright, so here we go with Chapter 2. This chapter gives a little more background on Olivia and Jonathan's relationship, but it's not extremely direct. Of course, eventually we'll hear about their relationship from Olivia herself, but until then I hope you all enjoy the chapters leading up to that. That's really all I have to say, enjoy and review please!

Chapter 2 – Spaghetti Dinner

The next day is a bit of a whirlwind for Olivia. She's able to slip out of work a few minutes early and makes it to Luke's school right on time. When she'd told Elliot that she could handle three kids, she hadn't thought twice about it. However, as they pile into her car, giving her excited hellos, Olivia realizes that she still needs to go to the grocery store if she was going to make the spaghetti Dickie had told his dad he liked. She glances back, looking at the twins and Luke whispering excitedly to each other about their plans for the night, and wonders for just a moment if she'd bitten off more than she could chew. However, she quickly pushes this worry away and assures herself that this evening will be fine.

Even still, Olivia is surprised that things go as well as they do at the grocery store. The Stabler children are talkative, but very well-behaved and helpful, asking Olivia if she needs them to grab anything and cheering when she suggests ice cream for dessert. They make it out of the grocery store in an hour, and when they pull up at her apartment, 4 o'clock is just approaching.

"Alright, guys," Olivia says, as they walk in the front door. Luke had insisted on carrying the groceries up for her, and he sets them on the kitchen table with a dramatic sigh, making Olivia smile a little. "Get your homework done first, please. Luke, when you finish, bring your math in and I'll check it for you, alright? Go back to your room, it's clean isn't it?"

" _Yes_ , mom," Luke, his cheeks red. He nods at Liz and Dickie. "Come on guys."

Olivia chuckles, smiling at her daughter as she totters from the living room into the kitchen, Amy walking behind her.

"Hi, Angel, I'm so sorry I'm a little late," Olivia says, ducking down to pick up Grace. She peppers her face with a few kisses, making the 14-month-old giggle. Olivia sets her on her hip before smiling apologetically at Amy and going to grab her wallet.

"Sorry, I just got caught up with the kids at the grocery store," she says, taking out the bills she needs to pay her sitter, adding in a little extra for her tardiness. "You're free to go."

"Grace has already eaten her snack, but she hasn't fallen asleep yet. I think she was waiting for you." Amy says, glancing back in the direction of Luke's room, where loud and excited speech is coming from. She takes the money Olivia hands her. "You know, I can stay if you need me to."

"No, no, that's alright. I can handle them," Olivia says, a small smile on her face. "Thank you, we'll see you on Monday."

Amy smiles back and says a quick goodbye, grabbing her bag and leaving. Olivia presses one more kiss to Grace's forehead before setting her down in her high chair. She then begins to remove the groceries from bags, setting everything she needs on the counter and sticking the ice cream in the freezer, then grabbing the homemade meatballs she'd left to thaw last night from the fridge and setting them on the counter as well. She turns the oven on to preheat before humming and running her eyes over the counter.

There's a knock at the front door. She checks her watch quickly before heading to the door, surprised when she looks through the peephole and sees Elliot. She unlocks the door and opens it, smiling at her friend.

"I didn't expect you to get here so early," she says, stepping to the side to allow him to come inside before closing the door behind him.

"I sweet-talked my captain," Elliot says, grinning and looking around. "I didn't come too early, did I?" Olivia offers to take his jacket, and he shrugs it off. She places it on the coat rack, turning back to him afterward.

"No, of course not," Olivia says. "The kids are doing their homework back in Luke's room. I was just getting ready to cook dinner."

"Do you want some help?"

"Sure," Olivia says with a small smile, leading Elliot back into the kitchen. Grace lets out a welcoming coo. "We can work on the agenda after we eat."

"You know, I don't think I've ever been in this apartment before."

"I guess that's true," Olivia says, taking out the remaining pots she'd need. "We moved about a year ago, but Kathy usually picks Dickie up."

"It's nice," Elliot says, waving a little at Grace, who has been watching him with tired eyes since he entered the room. This statement is true. The apartment is decorated in light colors with large windows, and so it seems a little larger than it actually is. It's full of light and warmth, opposed to the sleek modern design that had been present in the townhouse Olivia had lived in with her husband.

"Thank you," Olivia says, watching as her daughter's head drops slightly. She chuckles softly, picking her up again and rubbing her back gently. "I'll be right back, but I think that Grace needs to go down for a nap. You offered to help?"

"As much as I can," Elliot says, examining the ingredients Olivia had put out. Olivia laughs and walks Grace back to her bedroom.

When she returns, Elliot is at the sink, washing his hands. Olivia smiles a bit, stepping up next to him.

"See, you know what you're doing," she says. After Elliot steps away from the sink, Olivia starts to wash her own hands.

"Barely," Elliot says with a short chuckle, drying his hands. "So, am I going to learn tonight what makes your pasta so amazing?

Olivia chuckles and shrugs her shoulders slightly. She dries her hands before leaning down to take out a sheet pan, which she sprays with cooking spray before opening the bag of meatballs and starting to place them on the tray.

"The only things I make on my own are the meatballs and the pasta sauce," Olivia says, and Elliot clucks his tongue. "And I made these a few weeks ago."

"You say that like it's not a big deal," Elliot says, shaking his head slightly. "What do you want me to do?"

Olivia nods at the medium-sized pot on the stove.

"Add some of the olive oil, then put it on medium heat," she says. "That'll be for the sauce." Elliot follows her instructions, carefully. Olivia smiles slightly when she glances over at him and notices that his tongue is poking between his bottom and top lip. Dickie makes the same face when he's focusing on something. "Okay, now you can cut those onions. I'll handle the garlic. Hold on…"

She sticks the tray of meatballs into the stove and set the timer, rewashes her hands quickly, then grabs a cutting board and knife for Elliot, and one of each for herself. They each begin to prep, and Olivia quickly realizes that she should have warned Elliot about the onion.

"Jesus," Elliot mutters, his eyes watering. Olivia lets out a small laugh.

"I'm so sorry," she says, quickly mincing a couple of cloves of garlic. Elliot rubs her eyes with his sleeve and continues, sniffling as he adds them to the pot. "I should have told you to put a match between your teeth."

"How on earth would that help?" Elliot says. Olivia chuckles softly and adds the garlic to the pan, shrugging a little as she puts the cutting boards in the dishwasher.

"I'm not quite sure how it works," she admits. "But it helps with the tears." Elliot, still wiping at his eyes, heads to the sink to wash his hands again.

"And you cook every night?" he asks. Olivia nods slightly.

"I try my hardest to," she says, watching the pot on the stove. "My mom didn't really cook much growing up. So, when I got engaged, I decided I was going to learn how to cook before I had kids."

"Oh," Elliot says, glancing at Olivia. "My mom didn't really cook much either. And Kathy used to do the cooking, so my skills never really, ah, _developed_ , I guess."

"I see," Olivia says, smiling gently at Elliot. She starts to open the cans of tomatoes. She pauses for a second before continuing. "When did you get married?"

"When we were seventeen," Elliot says. "You know, this has been the first time I've been single since junior high." Olivia chuckles softly, adding the tomatoes to the pot. Elliot watches as she begins to season the sauce after, adding basil, oregano, salt and pepper, and a few things he doesn't know the name of. He's about to ask what the extra ingredients are, but then Olivia speaks up again, her voice soft.

"I got engaged when I was 16," she says, not making eye contact. She turns the heat on the stove up. "Married when I was 18. I was with Jonathan for what feels like my whole life." Elliot watches her for a moment before nodding slowly

"I got married so early because Kathy was pregnant," he admits. He doesn't quite know why he's divulging so much information. "Why did you get married?" Olivia lets out a short laugh, flicking her eyes at Elliot.

"Because I was in love."

•

After this conversation, the kitchen is quiet. Olivia gives Elliot a few gentle instructions, but it seems to him that her mind is now somewhere other than her airy apartment.

By the time Luke walks back into the kitchen to show Olivia his math, the meatballs are out of the oven, the sauce is ready, and the noodles have been cooked in it. Olivia is currently adding the meatballs to the pasta. When Luke calls her name, she sets the dish down in the center of the table and looks up.

"Here's my math," he says, holding out his paper. As she takes it, he looks at Elliot and smiles. "Hey, Mr. Stabler."

"Hey, Luke," Elliot says, smiling. "Dickie told me that you guys are going to enter the science fair together this year. Think you'll need any help?"

"Yes!" Luke says excitedly. "He told me about the Mentos trick, but you can't show me now because mom doesn't buy soda."

"Hey," Olivia protests, glancing up. "You couldn't set up an explosion in the middle of my kitchen even if I _did_ buy Coke."

"I guess," Luke says, sounding glum. "I didn't think about that."

"It's alright," Elliot says. "The next time you come over, we'll head to the park or something and try it there."

"Cool," Luke says, his smile returning. Olivia glances at her son, watching as he gives Elliot a fist bump. She smiles softly before clearing her throat.

"Good job on your math, bud, these all look right," she says, handing Luke back his homework.

"Dickie helped me," Luke says, taking the sheet of paper. "He's good at multiplication and division already, even though we just started learning them in class."

"Ah," Olivia says, smiling a little at Elliot as Luke heads back to his room. "Hey, I'll let you play for a little while, but I need you to come back in 10 minutes, okay? Dinner's about to be ready."

"Okay, mom," Luke says, disappearing into the back of the apartment. Olivia looks over at Elliot, smiling as she grabs a salad bowl from the cabinet.

"I didn't know Dickie was so good at math," she says. "He'll have to come over more often."

"Please," Elliot says with a chuckle, watching as Olivia adds lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, and cheese to the salad bowl and then tosses it. "He's already over here three out of the seven days in a week."

"Well, to be fair, Luke is at you or Kathy's house the other four nights," Olivia says, grinning and setting the salad on the table, then taking out the dressing and placing it on the table as well.

"We both love having him," Elliot says. He grabs what he recognizes as salad tongs and hands them to Olivia. "He's a good influence on Dickie. He's polite. Nice. Always tells him to let Liz play with them. Dickie has the tendency to be a little…more difficult."

"No," Olivia says, raising her eyebrows. Elliot raises his eyebrows back. "He's the sweetest kid I've ever met. Always asking if I need help clearing the table. And he's nice to Grace, too; he doesn't mind her tagging along at all."

"I knew it," Elliot says, shaking his head and leaning against the counter. "I knew he was holding out on us." Olivia laughs softly.

"We'll just say they're a good influence on each other," Olivia says, relaxing next to Elliot.

"You do have great kids, though," Elliot says after a moment. "They both look just like you. And Grace is one of the cutest babies I've ever seen."

"Does that make me cute?" Olivia quips. Elliot looks at her, his eyebrows raised, and she shakes her head to let him know she'd been joking. "When Luke was born, Jonathan didn't think he looked anything like him. And maybe, he didn't at first. But the older he gets, the more I see Jonathan in his face. I mean, his _eyes_ , those hazel eyes are just like his Dad's and…"

Her voice trails off, and when Elliot looks over, she's wiping at her eyes. His face folds in concern.

"It must be hard not to have him here to see them grow up."

Olivia looks back at Elliot, and his concerned blue eyes, so different from the hazel ones that she was used to seeing. She nods slightly.

But that was not what she had been thinking. She'd been thinking that sometimes when she looked right at Luke, when the sun on his hair made it look almost blond and those hazel eyes lit up, she sometimes felt an inexplicable chill run down her spine and it would take her a moment to catch her breath and remember where she was.

Elliot, watching Olivia, think that she must be missing her husband. This is perfectly understandable. He wraps an arm around Olivia's shoulder and pulls her into a gentle, casual hug. Olivia tenses under his touch at first, but after a second, her body relaxes. They should break apart really, but for some reason, they remain frozen, Olivia's head on Elliot's chest, his arm around her. Eventually, Olivia finds words.

"Grace never met him," she says slowly. She feels like she's about to burst. She hadn't talked to anyone about Jonathan since he died. She hadn't even had a reason to say his name out loud so many times in the past year. But now, for some reason, she feels like she can talk. Open up. Maybe it's their proximity or the friendly arm around her shoulder, but for the first time in a long time, she _wants_ to talk to someone. Elliot looks down at her, watches her chew on her bottom lip slightly. "But Luke remembers everything."

It seems like she has more to say, but right then Luke and the twins come barreling into the kitchen, full speed. Olivia and Elliot break away immediately, trying not to look too guilty. Dickie and Liz don't seem to notice, but Luke's eyes linger on Elliot for just a second.

"We're all gonna set the table, mom," Luke says, opening the silverware drawer. "You can sit down now."

Olivia raises her eyebrows, her moment of weakness passing quickly. She nods at Elliot.

"We can sit down now," she says, repeating her son. She laughs and sits, and Elliot does as well, but his eyes are still on her, his mind reeling and wondering what it was that she'd been about to say.

•

Dinner goes smoothly. Olivia has to wake Grace up, and so she's a little cranky when she's brought to the table but comes around quickly, playing with her pasta as she feeds herself.

Elliot is surprised by his children's bubbliness. They don't usually warm up to people so quickly, but they chat with Olivia like she is an old friend. To be fair, he guessed they had known her since kindergarten, but he is still a bit taken aback with how easily they joke with her and how much she seems to like talking to them.

The largest surprise takes place when Dickie reaches for the salad. Elliot's eyebrows raise immediately, and he watches in amazement as his son heaps salad on his plate, adds dressing, and then starts munching happily.

"Hey," he says. "I thought you didn't like anything green."

"Mom doesn't let us eat dessert if we don't eat a vegetable," Luke explains, cutting into a meatball.

"And she buys the good dressing," Dickie says through a mouthful of salad.

"It's really good, Dad," Lizzie adds. Elliot looks at Olivia, who's smiling sheepishly.

"It's a raspberry vinaigrette," she says. "You can take the bottle home."

To Dickie's credit, Olivia's spaghetti is the best Elliot's ever had. He eats so many servings that when Olivia pulls out ice cream, he's too full to have any. Olivia passes as well, but the kids all take large portions happily. Even Grace is allowed to have a small amount, which ends up mostly on her tray instead of her mouth.

When they finish eating, the kids clear the table (without being asked, which also shocks Elliot) and go back to Dickie's room to watch a movie. Olivia, Elliot, and Grace move into the living room to work on the meeting agenda.

They've only been working for about 30 minutes, having decided on the agenda and now talking about fundraising ideas when Grace starts to get cranky. Olivia picks her daughter up and places her in her lap, rocking her gently. As she does so, she notices Elliot yawning.

"Are you getting tired, too?" she asks, smiling a little as Elliot shakes his head, even as he yawns again.

"No, no," he says, looking back down at the list of ideas they'd been working on. "Alright, so far we have a bake sale, a car wash, a Halloween haunted house, and a field day at one of the local parks."

When he looks up, Olivia is just smiling at him gently. He raises his eyebrows.

"We've done enough for today," Olivia says. "And you are tired. You can head back. Or you can stay here and spend the night if you want. You know, if you're too tired to drive" She adds in the last part, a bit hastily, her cheeks red. Elliot just shakes his head slightly.

"We haven't finished," he says. "I don't want you to think I just came for the free meal. Which was fantastic by the way." Olivia smiles a bit wider.

"I don't, I promise," she says. "I'm sure you've had a long day. Come on, say goodbye to Dickie and Liz. They can both sleep over tonight."

After only a little more protesting from Elliot, they walk back to Luke's room, Grace fast asleep on Olivia's chest. Olivia knocks lightly on the door and pokes her head in, chuckling as she sees all the kids huddled up at the foot of Luke's bed, watching Scooby Doo on the TV as if it's a horror film.

"Hey guys," she says, getting the kids to look her way. Dickie jumps a little, but she acts as if she didn't notice. "Mr. Stabler just wanted to say goodnight. Liz, did you want to spend the night too?"

"Yes, please," Lizzie says, hopping up with her brother. They give their Dad a quick hug, before returning to their movie.

Olivia walks Elliot to the front door after, shifting arms to support her daughter.

"Thank you for coming over," she says, smiling. "I appreciate your help. And it was nice to have another adult to talk to."

"Yeah," Elliot says, chuckling. His eyes run over Olivia's face quickly before he turns to pick up his jacket. He pulls it on slowly, speaking up again. "You know, my birthday's coming up on the 20th. I'm having a little birthday day party that Sunday after mass. You can bring the kids over, and they can play, and we can talk some more about the PTA meeting."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asks, her eyebrows knitting. "We wouldn't want to impose, it's definitely okay if we meet another time."

"No, I'd planned on inviting you all anyways. And the kids will be excited to see each other," Elliot says, smiling. "Think you can make it?"

"I'll have to check my calendar, but that sounds good," Olivia says, smiling back at Elliot, a little shyly.

"Okay," Elliot says, grinning now, in spite of himself. He rubs the back of his neck, which is a little red. "Okay, good. That's great. I'll uh…I'll be here in the morning to pick up the kids, and then I'll see you on the 20th."

"Right," Olivia says, chuckling. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Elliot says, still smiling as he steps out.

•

Olivia lets the kids stay up for a little while longer after Elliot leaves. She puts Grace down and then makes sure the kitchen is cleaned and the dishwasher is loaded before she gets ready for bed herself. Then, around 11, after giving them a warning 30 minutes prior, she pokes her head into Luke's room again. She'd given Lizzie an extra sleeping bag, and the girl was already fast asleep. Olivia nods at Luke and Dickie, who are still sitting on the bed.

"Hey guys, time to go to sleep," she says. "You can finish the movie in the morning." Dickie nudges Luke, who sighs and looks at his mom.

"Do you think you could make chocolate chip pancakes in the morning?" he asks. Olivia smiles a little and raises her eyebrows.

"I thought you liked blueberry better?" she asks, leaning in the doorframe. Luke rolls his eyes a little, looking back at his friend.

"Well, _Dickie-_ ouch!-I mean, Lizzie, likes chocolate chip pancakes."

"Oh," Olivia says. "Well, I'll make them special for her then."

"Thanks, mom," Luke says, smiling as he grabs the remote and turns the TV off. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Olivia says, flicking the light off. "Love you, bud."

She closes the door when she leaves and Luke rolls over to click his night light on. He climbs under the covers and Dickie slides off of the bed and into his sleeping bag. They both lie still for a moment before Luke whispers, deciding to get his friend's opinion on something that had been on his mind for a few hours.

"Hey, Dickie?"

"Yeah?" Dickie answers, his voice tired.

"Do you think my mom and your dad like each other?"

There's a pause. Dickie coughs.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Like…" Luke says, searching for an example. "Like Daphne and Fred. _Like_ like each other."

Another pause.

"Nah," Dickie says. "My dad still loves my mom. Kathleen said she's just mad at him right now, but they're going to get married again."

"Oh," Luke says, sounding a little letdown. He thinks about how he'd seen his mom and Dickie's dad hugging. Then thinks about his own dad. "I don't know if my mom still loves my dad."

"Your dad isn't alive anymore, though," Dickie says. He doesn't say this to be mean, it's simply a fact.

"I know," Luke says, understanding. "But you can still love someone after they die. That's what mom said when my grandma died."

"Oh," Dickie says, trying to understand. "Well, why don't you know if your mom loves your dad then?"

"He was kind of a jerk when he was alive," Luke says, his voice dropping. He doesn't want his mom to hear him say something mean about his dad. She doesn't talk about him often, but when she does, she definitely doesn't say anything bad about him. "He yelled a lot, and they fought, even though my mom doesn't like arguing. I think he made her cry sometimes."

"My dad yells sometimes too," Dickie says. "But he always says sorry after."

"My dad said sorry," Luke says, reserved. "And he would buy presents. But, I don't think you're supposed to be mean to the people you love."

"Hm," Dickie says. He's falling asleep.

"If our parents got married, you know we'd be brothers," Luke says.

"That'd be cool," Dickie says sleepily. He turns over in his sleeping bag, and soon his breathing evens out.

Luke continues to look at the ceiling, and at the light cast by his night light. He thinks about his dad and how his big smile could disappear in a second. How sometimes he came home with red eyes and how on those nights, his mom would make him go to bed even though the arguing and the bumping would make it hard for him to sleep. He had never seen Mr. Stabler – Elliot, his mom called him – with red eyes.

Eventually, he falls asleep, too.


	4. Elliot's Birthday

**Update information: I did re-upload this chapter because I know that Fanfiction isn't sending out all the alerts they usually do about new chapters, but I just wanted to make sure everyone on the following list was notified about this chapter, sorry about any confusion! Chapter 5 will be coming out in the next couple of days though, so stayed tuned and check back, even if you don't get an email, please.

AN: Woo, okay so this is chapter number 3! Like I said before, I'm super excited about this story and I've had a lot of ideas recently, so I'm just trying to write and update as quickly as I can. Right now, I think I have a good idea of how I want Olivia and Elliot to end up together, but I don't plan on it happening super soon because I do want this to be kind of a slow burn. This chapter includes a little twist that I think will surprise you guys, but I hope you enjoy! Please continue to leave reviews, and thanks so much for the positive feedback I've received thus far.

Chapter 3: Elliot's Birthday

At 2 pm on October 20th, Olivia approaches the front door of the Stabler house, or what she guessed was now really Kathy's house. She shifts her daughter in her arms, who's still tired from the car ride and presses the doorbell. Next to her, Luke stands, bobbing excitedly in place, holding Elliot's birthday present.

Elliot is the one who comes to the door, dressed in light-wash jeans and a long-sleeved Marines tee. He smiles when he sees Olivia and her children, stepping aside to let them in.

"Hey," he says, pulling Olivia into a quick hug. This surprises her, but she hugs him back gently, motioning to her son, her cheeks pink. The house is warm and noisy, and there's music playing from somewhere. Olivia's glad that there seem to be other friends here, she hadn't wanted to cut in on a family event.

"Hi," she says, smiling back. "And happy birthday. I haven't seen you in jeans in a long time. It's a good look for you."

"Thank you," Elliot says, tucking his hands in his pockets a little nervously. He looks at Olivia for a moment before nodding back towards the living room. "Everyone's watching the game or in the kitchen, there's lots of food out, the cake will come out later. I think Dickie's up in his room…"

He turns back to yell up the stairs.

"Dickie, Luke is here!"

There's a bump and a quick shuffle, and then Dickie is hurrying down the steps.

"Finally," he says, skipping the last two steps and jumping onto the landing. Elliot's clicks his tongue in disapproval but lets it go. "The game on right now is terrible. C'mon, we can play football outside."

"Okay," Luke says. He hands Elliot his present before running back through the kitchen with Dickie. "Happy birthday Mr. Stabler!"

"Walk, please!" Olivia calls, offering Elliot an apologetic smile. She nods to the gift. "That's just something small for you."

"Yeah?" Elliot says, looking excited. He begins to walk back into the kitchen, which is empty, aside from the finger foods that have been laid out on the table and counter, and Olivia follows. Grace shifts, raising her head from her mother's shoulder to watch Elliot. "Can I open it now?"

"Sure," Olivia says, smiling and smoothing her daughter's hair down before pecking her forehead gently. Grace grips onto her shirt. Since about her first birthday, Grace had been increasingly clingy, and wary of strangers. Elliot is a familiar face, but Olivia knows it'll take her some time to get used to everyone else. She sits down at the kitchen island, Elliot standing in front of her as he peers into the bag.

"You didn't," he gushes animatedly, and Olivia chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully as he pulls out two items. The first is a bottle of raspberry vinaigrette and the second is a handmade cookbook, the cover drawn by Luke. It features drawings of what Olivia thinks is supposed to be spaghetti, pizza, chili, all things Luke enjoys eating.

"I just wrote down a few of the recipes I usually cook," Olivia says. "All things I know Dickie eats, so don't let him pull one over on you."

"Dickie eats zucchini?" Elliot says, flipping through the book. "My son?"

"He loves it," Olivia assures. "Squash too, when I make it the right way. I promise."

"This was really thoughtful," Elliot says, looking up at Olivia, a small smile on his face. "Thank you so much. I mean, I'm sure I'll butcher every single one of these recipes, but I really appreciate it."

Olivia laughs, nodding her head slightly.

"Of course, it's no problem."

Elliot stands smiling at her for a second, and she feels her cheeks begin to heat a little again. Eventually, he coughs, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and offering a sheepish smile.

"Can I get you anything?" he offers, motioning to the food. "We've got vegetables, fruit, pigs in a blanket, my wings – which I've been told by certain nine-year-old are very good – and lots more. Then for drinks, we've got water, Capri suns, I could grab you a beer…"

"I'll take a water," Olivia says, chuckling. "And I will try _one_ wing, just because I want to see what makes them so special."

"Got it," Elliot says, his smile widening. He grabs a plate and puts two wings on it before picking up a water and sliding them both over to Olivia. She raises her eyebrows.

"I said one," she reminds, picking up a wing carefully and taking a bite.

"I know," Elliot says, watching for her reaction. "But they're just so good, I know you're going to want another one." Olivia chuckles through her bite before nodding slightly. To be fair, the wing is actually _very_ good.

"This is delicious," she mumbles, taking another bite. Elliot grins, watching as she does her best to eat with one hand, her other holding her daughter steady in her lap.

"You know, not all women eat wings with their hands," Elliot says. "It's nice to see that you know the correct technique."

"Well, how else are you supposed to eat them?" Olivia asks, smiling through another small bite. She has to shift a little to break the wing, needing her other hand. Elliot raises an eyebrow.

"I can take Grace while you eat," he offers. "You think she'll let me hold her?" Olivia glances down at her daughter.

"You're welcome to try," she says to Elliot, who holds his arms out to Grace, asking for her permission. To he and Olivia's mutual surprise, Grace reaches back out and lets him take her.

"Such a good judge of character," Elliot says, grinning and rubbing her back gently. "Do you want some fruit, Grace?"

"Yes," Grace whispers, looking back at Elliot. He grins and grabs a banana from the fruit dish on the kitchen table, as well as a plate and a plastic knife. Afterwards, he sits next to Olivia at the island and starts to cut the banana up, handing Grace small pieces to eat.

"She's being really good about this," Olivia says, flicking in her eyes from Elliot to her daughter, who has now laid her head on Elliot's chest. "You're amazing."

Elliot grins, hoping that his cheeks haven't reddened. He looks back up at Olivia as she starts on her second wing, chuckling when he notices a smudge of sauce on her chin.

"You've got a little sauce on your chin," he says, nodding at the spot. Olivia grabs a napkin and swipes at the wrong side, and he shakes his head, teasing. "No, god, you're messier than the baby."

"Okay, okay," Olivia says, laughing and shaking her head. She wipes again, getting the spot this time. "Did I get it?"

"No," Elliot says, trying to suppress his smile. "It's everywhere now, you're a complete mess."

"Wow, really?" Olivia says, moving her hand up to cover her mouth. Elliot laughs finally, shaking his head and hands Grace another piece of banana.

"No, you got it," he admits, and Olivia rolls her eyes again, but she's laughing now. She reaches over and pushes him lightly.

"Jesus, Elliot," she says, starting on her second wing, "You're insufferable."

"But your daughter likes me," Elliot says, smiling down at Grace. "Right, Grace? Say Elliot?"

"Elyot," Grace tries, and Elliot's smile widens.

"That was actually pretty good," he says, tickling her side gently. Grace giggles and reaches for another banana piece.

Three men enter the kitchen at this point. Elliot looks up and nudges Olivia, standing carefully.

"Hey, these are actually some people I want you to meet," he says, looking back at Olivia, who's wiping her hands. He motions to her mouth, his eyes glinting playfully. "Come on, clean yourself up."

Olivia scoffs and wipes her mouth quickly – just in case – and stands up, smiling at the three men who stand next to Elliot.

"Alright, this is John Munch, Fin Tutuola, and Brian Cassidy," he says, nodding at each man. Olivia shakes each one's hand, but Brain's eyes linger on her afterward, making her chuckle softly. "Guys, this is Olivia. She's Dickie's best friend's mom."

"We know who she is," John says, making Olivia raise her eyebrows at Elliot.

"Oh?" she asks.

"Nice to meet you," Fin says, offering a small smile. "Elliot told us last week that he had to run out early to make it to a PTA meeting. He said the PTA president, Olivia, would kill him if he was late."

"Now that's funny because I remember telling you that it was perfectly okay for you to leave, _after_ work," Olivia says, making Elliot cough. He quickly decides to change the subject.

"I work in the special victims' unit with John and Fin," he says. "Brain used to work with us, but he's in narcotics now.

"You could say we're members of an elite squad," Fin says and Elliot snorts. In his arms, Grace grips onto his t-shirt and hides her face. Fin smiles a little, nodding at the baby. "Who's this?"

"This is my daughter, Grace," Olivia says, rubbing her daughter's back gently and smiling. "And it seems that she's best friends with Elliot now."

"Come on, you know that's you," Elliot croons and Olivia chuckles, rolling her eyes for the millionth time that afternoon.

"Hey, what about me?" John protests. Elliot mouths a small "I'm sorry," and pats John's shoulder lightly and the thin man huffs. Brian coughs, looking back at Olivia.

"So, you've got two kids then," he says, a little awkwardly. Fin flicks his eyes at John, but Olivia just chuckles nodding.

"Yeah," she says. "Two kids. Do you have any?"

"Uh, no," Brian asks. John nudges Fin now, and they step away, going to get plates. "So, um, what do you do? Besides run the PTA."

"I'm a program manager at Planned Parenthood," Olivia says, smiling briefly at Elliot. "It's nothing like being a cop, but I like it."

"Yeah, that sounds, cool," Brian says, his voice dying off a little awkwardly. Olivia chuckles slightly, tilting her head as Brian looks down at his cup, his cheeks pink. She looks back at Elliot, touching his arm lightly.

"I'm going to go say hi to Kathy," she says. "Do you want me to take Grace, or are you okay?"

"I think we're okay," Elliot says, glancing down at Grace, who has laid her head on his shoulder comfortably. I'll pass her back when I get ready to eat." Olivia laughs softly and nods, grabbing her plate and water from the island and heading out into the living room.

"Jesus, man, what was that?" Fin says to Cassidy, walking back over to the group. Brian sighs. "That was painful to watch."

"That was bad, wasn't it?" he asks. John speaks up, putting a few deviled eggs on his plate.

"No, that was a wreck," he says. "Completely awful. Impossible to recover from." Brian groans now, looking at Elliot, who's a bit confused.

"Man, you've got to help me," he pleads. "Do you think you can set me up with her?"

"Who, Olivia?" Elliot asks, darting his eyes over at Olivia, who's now in the living room sitting next to Kathy on the couch. They're laughing, probably at something Olivia had said. Her sense of humor was unmatched. "I mean, why?"

"Did you see her?" Brian asks incredulously. He looks back at Olivia now too before flicking his eyes at Elliot uncertainly. "She's gorgeous. And funny enough to hold her own against you. I mean unless you guys have something going…"

"Olivia and I? No, no," Elliot says, shaking his head quickly and bouncing Grace a little in his arms. "Um, you just want me to talk you up to her a little?"

"That'd be great," Brian says, nodding. "And I'll try to talk to her again later. Maybe I'll have gotten my foot out of my mouth by then."

"Yeah sure," Elliot says, flicking his eyes at the widely smiling brunette in the other room. "No problem."

•

It's not until an hour later that Elliot's able to get another chance to talk to Olivia. She's talking to his oldest daughter Maureen and Kathy about Maureen's college choices when he walks up, but when she sees him her eyebrows go up and she stands from her seat to take her sleeping daughter.

"Elliot, I'm so sorry," she says apologetically, guiding Grace to lay against her chest. "Have you been waiting to eat this whole time?"

"No, it was fine," he says. "She was out in 10 minutes honestly, and then I got a chance to snack on some chips."

"I see," Olivia says, swiping a smudge of salsa off of the corner of Elliot's mouth. "And you called _me_ a messy eater."

"Okay, okay," Elliot says, chuckling and slipping an arm around her shoulder. Olivia smiles at him shyly and he smiles back before flicking his eyes over at his ex-wife and daughter. "I was hoping I could steal you away to work on those ideas for a little while, is that okay?"

Olivia nods, having nearly forgotten her original reason for coming over.

"Yeah, of course," she says, looking back at Maureen and Kathy, who is looking at her a bit strangely. "It was really great to see you guys again. Maureen, if you have any questions about U Albany, I'm sure your dad can give you my number."

"I have it," Kathy says, smiling tightly. "Thanks again."

Elliot nods at the back hallway, where he heads with Olivia. As she starts to go into the wrong room, he places a hand on the small of her back, steering her in the direction of the office.

After they step in, Olivia lays her daughter down on the couch, rubbing her back gently before sitting next to her. Elliot pulls up the desk chair and a notebook, grabbing a pen as well.

"Okay," Olivia says. "So, we were still working on fundraising ideas, right?"

"Right," Elliot says, tapping the pen a few times before looking back up at Oliva. She looks so pleasant, so kind, sitting there on the couch in a white blouse and dark wash jeans. Her disposition is so sunny that everyone she talks to notices it, even if the conversation is only a couple of sentences. She was funny, hilarious when she wanted to be. And, like his friend has said earlier, she was gorgeous, he supposed. It makes sense for Brian to be interested in her. "I actually had something else to ask you about, before we start."

"Oh," Olivia says, raising her eyebrows and crossing her legs. "Okay, shoot."

"You know my friend, Brian?"

Olivia chuckles, nodding slightly.

"Yes," she says. She tilts her head, watching Elliot. "What about him?"

"He asked me to set him up with you," Elliot says slowly. Olivia's eyes sparkle a little and she grins, looking amused.

"Really?" she asks, chuckling softly and running a hand through her hair.

"I mean, I didn't know if you were dating right now, or if you were open to the idea or anything, but I told him I'd at least try," Elliot says, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Oh, this is so high school," Olivia muses. "I haven't been dating, to be fair, but I guess I'm open to the idea. Is he a nice guy?"

"Yeah, of course," Elliot says, trying his hardest to ignore the funny feeling in his stomach. "All my friends are nice guys. So, are you interested then?"

Olivia chuckles, moving her head in a motion that Elliot guesses is a small nod. She almost looks a bit bashful.

"Yeah, I guess I am," she says. "I'll talk to him before I leave, alright?"

"Alright, that's great," Elliot says, looking back down at the notebook. For some reason, he feels a little sick. "So, fundraising ideas?"

"Right," Olivia says, brightening up a little. "So, okay, imagine one, glorious fancy night, just for parents. A chance to get out of the house, get dressed up, and dance a little…"

•

Olivia and Elliot work on PTA ideas for a while. Eventually, deciding that their best fundraising ideas are the haunted house, the bake sale, the field day, a silent auction/ball idea that Olivia had thought up. Elliot doesn't even know that they've been away from the party for so long until Dickie sticks his head into the room and says that Kathy had sent him to find the guest of honor so that he could blow out his birthday candles.

Elliot and Olivia step out of the office together. Grace, having just woken up from her short nap, is in a good mood and had chosen to go back into Elliot's arms.

"So I'll start looking for decorations, maybe we can get some donations or something, Halloween is really only a week away," Olivia says, her mind working. She glances at her daughter, snuggling up to Elliot. "You know, she can walk. I know she's getting kind of heavy." But Grace only tucks her head back into the crook of Elliot's neck and he smiles, shrugging.

"It's alright," he says. "I don't mind."

When they make it back to the dining room, Kathy is lighting the final candle.

"There you two are," she says, her voice a bit flat. "Come on, we'll sing, and you can make your wish, Elliot."

Elliot moves to the head of the table and Kathy flicks the lights off so that the candlelight is the only source of light in the room. Olivia stands at the other end of the table, and he can just make out the outline of her smile.

His friends and family start singing, and he thinks he even hears a few words coming from Grace's mouth. But he's in his own head, trying to think of the perfect wish. By the time, the room finishes the last verse, he has it. He smiles and leans down a little, blowing all of his candles out in one go.

Then the lights come on and cake is distributed by Kathy and Maureen. On the other side of the room, Olivia is approaching Brian.

"Hi," she says, sitting down in a chair next to him. He smiles when he sees her.

"Hi," he says, trying his hardest to be as smooth as possible. "I'm guessing Elliot told you that I very lamely asked to be set up with you."

"He did," Olivia says, chuckling softly and taking a small bite of her cake. "I don't know if I necessarily thought of it as lame though."

"No?" Brian says. "Well just wait until you hear what I've been practicing for the past 30 minutes. You ready?"

Olivia, grinning, nods.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"So, um, do you mind if we just start over? Like, can I just get to know you a little?" Brian asks and the corners of her mouth twitch.

"Of course."

"Alright, well for starters, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue," Olivia says. Brian's eyebrows raise, and he nods slightly.

"Wow," he says. "Would you believe that's my favorite color too? How about your favorite TV show?"

"I don't really have a chance to watch much TV," Olivia says, tilting her head slightly.

"Me either!" Brian says, and Olivia has to stifle a giggle. "We're so similar. Now, here's the really important question: Do you have plans on Friday night?"

"I don't believe I do," Olivia muses. Brian is starting to smile now, shedding his nerves.

"That's really _crazy_ , me either," he says. "Since we have so much in common and all, do you think you'd want to go out on Friday night? I mean, since neither one of us has plans."

"Wow," Olivia says, unable to keep from laughing now. "That was really something."

"Yeah, I know," Brian says, chuckling as well. "You see, the key is to agree, no matter what the other person says."

"Oh no," Olivia says sarcastically. "So, tell me, what's your actual favorite color?"

"Green," Brian admits. "And when I come home from work, I like to watch Friends."

"Wow, I don't know if this is going to work," Olivia says, still giggling softly. "I didn't peg you as a Friends man."

"Alright, but the real shocker is, I have plans on Friday night," Brian says. Olivia raises her eyebrows again.

"What? Well, now I want to know what you're doing."

"I'm planning on going on a date with this really cute mom I met at my friend's birthday party," Brian says, his smile slowly growing. Olivia's nose wrinkles, but she can't help but laugh, and eventually, Brian laughs as well. "See? Pretty lame, huh?"

"Super lame," Olivia says, pushing Brian's leg gently. But eventually, she smiles softly. "Just lame enough for me to want to give you my number."

Across the room, Elliot is watching. He sees Olivia nudge Brian's thigh and he nearly bites his tongue in surprise. As she pulls out a pen and starts scrawling down something on a napkin, Brian looks up, catching his eye. He gives Elliot a quick nod and a thankful smile. Elliot smiles back and calls Kathy over, handing Grace to her and stepping out of the room.

After everyone has finished eating, the party starts to wrap up. People start trickling out and when the living room is empty, Olivia starts cleaning up, grabbing plates and cups and heading into the kitchen to put them in the trash. When she walks in, she sees Kathy with Grace on her hip, wiping the counters down.

"Hey, there's my sweet girl," she says, taking Grace, who started wriggling in Kathy's arms as soon as she saw her mother. "Do you know where Elliot is? I wanted to say goodbye before we left."

"I think when we started wrapping everything up, he went outside to grab the boys. They didn't come in the house once this whole time," Kathy says, chuckling.

"I feel so bad for Luke sometimes," Olivia says, glancing out the window, where she sees her son and Dickie trying their hardest to tackle Elliot. She smiles softly. "He loves being outside, but we don't have a yard, or really anywhere for him to run unless I take him to the park."

"You had a little yard at your townhouse," Kathy says, placing the dishrag in the sink. "Why'd you all move?"

"After Jonathan passed, I kind of just got rid of everything that had been part of my life with him, I guess," Olivia says slowly. "I sold the townhouse, got a new job, cut my hair, even got a new babysitter. Everything reminded me of him."

"Oh," says Kathy, not having expected this answer. She dries her hands slowly, searching for the correct way to say what she wants to. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Olivia says, looking over at her. "What's up?"

"Are you and Elliot…" Kathy begins, and Olivia raises her eyebrows. "You know, like a thing?"

"What?" Olivia says, surprised. She shakes her head quickly. "No, not at all."

"Okay," Kathy says. Olivia, however, is confused now.

"Why do you ask?" she says. "I mean, are you two thinking about getting back together or something?"

"No, nothing like that," Kathy says, shaking her head. She looks away. "I was just wondering I guess. You know, when our kids became friends, you guys took to each other right away. When the boys were in kindergarten, you two were just as close as they were. And you were both married at first, but now things are different, you know? So, when you disappeared for an hour earlier, I just wasn't sure…"

"We went to work on PTA fundraising ideas," Olivia assures, still shocked that Kathy had been thinking she and Elliot had something going on. "And actually, his friend Brian asked me out earlier."

"Oh?" Kathy says. For some reason, she says this as if she's relieved. She's able to look at Olivia now, offering an apologetic smile. "That's nice. I'm really sorry, for asking. You won't tell Elliot?"

"No," Olivia says, shaking her head. "Of course not."

As she finishes her statement, the boys come jogging in, sweaty and smiling. Olivia wrinkles her nose, teasing her son, who grabs a water bottle and starts gulping its contents down.

"Oh, Luke," she says. "You're getting in the shower as soon as we get home, okay?"

"Okay mom," Luke agrees. He turns to Kathy. "Can I take a piece of cake home please?"

"Of course," Kathy says, smiling and going to the fridge to get him a piece of cake. As she busies herself with this, and as Luke is distracted, Olivia smiles at Elliot.

"Thanks for setting me up with Brian," she whispers. "He does seem like a nice guy. We're supposed to go out Friday night."

"Oh," Elliot says. Friday night seems so soon. "Well, no problem. Thanks for coming over."

"Of course," Olivia says, smiling gently. She looks back at Luke, who's being handed his cake by Kathy. "Ready to go, bud?"

Luke nods and says goodbye to Dickie, and Olivia is getting ready to head out, but she's again surprised as Elliot leans in and gives her a quick hug. She pecks his cheek quickly, something Kathy pretends not to see.

"Gross," she says, wiping at her lips. "You're all sweaty." Elliot chuckles and shrugs.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly.

"Come on, Mom," Luke says, opening his arms and stepping in, a cheesy grin on his face. "What's wrong with a little sweat?"

"Don't you dare," Olivia warns, tousling her oldest's hair. "Come on, time to head home." She looks back at Elliot and Kathy, smiling again.

"Thanks again. See you soon, Dickie."

"Bye Olivia," Dickie says, his mouth full of cake. "Bye Luke."

•

Even after she leaves the presence of Kathy Stabler, her question floats around Olivia's head. She wonders about what she'd asked while she drives, and even later that night, when her children are asleep, and she was up doing some of the work she'd ignored for the rest of the week.

Why had Kathy asked if she and Elliot were an item? Olivia would have been lying if she said that she hadn't thought about it at least once. Elliot was handsome. And he was a good father and a dedicated police officer. He was a nice guy, funnier than almost anyone she knew, and whenever they were together, it was easy to relax; to be herself. What Kathy had said about them becoming friends easily was true, and what she said about things being different now was also true. Things were different now, and so she guessed that if she'd ever had a chance to explore something else with Elliot, that chance was now.

But she knew that he couldn't have felt anything for her. He'd set her up with one of his friends today, and she wasn't mad about that. A relationship between them would be hard, and with their sons being as close as they were, there'd be a lot of pressure on making things work. It didn't seem worth the risk.

So now, she does her best to push any lingering thoughts she'd had about Elliot and what kind of boyfriend he'd be to the back of her mind and think about Brian instead. He was cute. And he'd made her laugh. Yes, that was something much easier to justify pursuing.

But in spite of herself, in just a few short minutes, she finds herself wondering about Elliot again. Wondering what he wished for when he blew out his candles, and if he really was going to butcher the recipes in her cookbook, and what he'd said about her to his work buddies. But mostly, Olivia wondered if he was in his own apartment, thinking about similar things.

She doubted it.


	5. Red Wine

AN: This was a pretty hard chapter for me to write (I had another ending that I scrapped), and I'd planned a really long introduction, but I think that it's probably best for you guys to just read. We do see more of Jonathan in this chapter, again through Luke's recollection of him, and then some through an inebriated Olivia. Please leave your thoughts in a review & thanks for reading.

Chapter 4 – Red Wine and its Various Effects

After his birthday party, Elliot cannot shake the uneasy feeling that had settled in his stomach the moment he'd seen Olivia's hand touch Brian's thigh. He didn't know why the small gesture had bugged him so much. Brian had asked if he and Olivia had something going on, and Elliot's answer had been no, because that was the truth. He and Olivia's relationship had never been anything other than friendly. They were close and had been that way since they met, but they had never even skirted the line between friendship and romance.

He had thought about it before; _of course,_ he had thought about it. Elliot had thought about sucking all of his reservations and fears up and just asking her out to lunch, but he'd never gotten around to it. Really, it wasn't his fault, he told himself, because it was impossible not to think about wanting something more when spending time with a woman like Olivia. He tried to tell himself that thinking about something that could _maybe_ one day happen meant absolutely nothing. And anyway, she hadn't ever done anything to make him believe she was even remotely interested in him, and so that was that.

But even as he tells himself all of this, that tense, anxious feeling curls up in a corner of his stomach and refuses to leave, and he can't help but think that maybe he'd messed up and missed out on his chance to explore something amazing. That maybe he and Olivia would have worked if he'd just mustered up the courage to ask if she'd ever felt the same way.

He does his best to ignore the feeling. However, he comes to work the next couple of days a little glummer than usual, moving a little slower, dragging his feet and being a little ornerier. By Wednesday, the whole precinct is frustrated with him. His captain had just sent him out of an interrogation because he'd gotten a little too heated too quickly, telling him to clear his head and focus on some paperwork.

Naturally, as soon as he sits down, Brian walks into the precinct looking for him. Elliot exhales, sitting up at his desk as Brian heads over and sits down in the chair next to Elliot's desk. Fin, at his nearby desk, looks up as well.

"Hey," Fin says. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I had some questions?" Brian says, addressing Elliot. "It's my lunch break, and I wanted to just stop by and get your opinion on some date ideas since you know Olivia and all. I've been trying to figure out where to take her and I just can't think of anything good enough."

"We're really just friends," Elliot says, holding his hands up and shaking his head. "I don't think I'm going to be much help…" He does not want to discuss date ideas with Brian, especially considering the fact that he was taking out someone that Elliot couldn't stop thinking about. In fact, the only thing that had kept him sane over the past couple of days was the knowledge that there was a chance the date wouldn't go well, and Brian and Olivia wouldn't be compatible. But now, here was Brian, asking for his help, his ideas. Elliot felt sick.

"Please," Brian says. His cheeks darken, and he sighs, leaning in and dropping his voice. "I mean, she seems really, really nice, and really classy, which I know nothing about. I'm terrible with dates, and I spend most of my free time at cop bars nursing beers, so you know, I don't really know where to take her."

"Look, why don't you just take her to dinner?" Elliot asks, his eyebrows knitting together. "You make it sound like she's intimidating."

"I just don't want to mess this up," Brian pleads, meeting Elliot's eyes. "And I want to do something special. Come on, just tell me what kind of things she's into?"

"I don't know her all that well," Elliot starts, but Brian rolls his eyes, looking at him expectantly.

"I'll take whatever you've got," he says, sitting back in the chair. Elliot sighs. He had set the two of them up. It wasn't fair for him _not_ to help. So, he quickly racks his brain for pieces of information about Olivia he'd picked up over the last 5 years. Eventually, he begins talking, slowly.

"She's a big fan of the arts," he says. "When her husband was alive, he used to take her to museums, gallery openings, opera, concerts, plays, that sort of thing, you know? She likes getting dressed up, going out and being treated well."

"Wait," Brian says, holding out his hand to stop Elliot. "You said when her husband was _alive?_ What happened?"

"There was a car accident," Elliot says. "Not this previous January, but one before that. But don't bring that up."

"Right," Brian says, nodding, even though his face is a little white. "Okay, so what do you think I should do? You said she likes concerts, but is she like a rock and roll kind of girl? Because I do know this bar where a cool band plays…"

"No," Elliot says, shaking his head and looking at Brian in disbelief. "Are you serious? Did you hear me? She likes nice, upscale stuff. Places she can wear dresses to. In terms of music, she listens to a lot of jazz. I mean, to be fair, she does own a fair amount of _The Cure_ t-shirts, but that may have been a high school phase…"

"Okay, okay," Brian says, trying to pull Elliot back. "So, you have any idea of where I should take her? I mean, I don't spend all that much time in museums." Elliot sighs, rolling an idea over in his mind. Eventually, he decides to just say it.

"There are a ton of nice museums in New York and I think she's been to most of them. But there's a paint and sip place in Chelsea," he says, his voice a bit resigned. "That's where I'd take her. She'll like it. I don't think she drinks much, but she'll enjoy painting. And then you can take her out for a late dinner or something afterward. She likes Italian, French, Indian; anything but Greek - she got food poising once and hasn't been able to eat it since."

"That's a great idea," Brian says, smiling widely now. He stands and shakes Elliot's hand animatedly, looking excited. "Thanks again Elliot, for setting us up and for helping me out with this."

"You really like her, huh?" Elliot says, leaning back in his chair. Brian shrugs sheepishly.

"I mean, we haven't gone out yet, so I don't know for sure…but I really think I will," he says, still smiling. He turns and waves goodbye to Fin before nodding at Elliot. "I'll tell you how it goes alright? See you guys later."

"Bye," Fin calls. After Brian leaves, his flicks his eyes at Elliot, who is staring at a sheet of paper on his desk, but not reading. His jaw is tight. "Elliot."

No response. Fin calls a little bit louder this time.

"Elliot!"

"Huh?" Elliot says, looking up now. Fin looks at him for a second before shaking his head, which makes Elliot grunt. "What?"

"You like Olivia," Fin says. There's a moment of silence and Fin nods. "Yeah, I thought so. Why didn't you tell Brian? And why in the hell did you set them up?" Elliot wants to deny it, wants to say that Fin is off base, but he feels like he needs to talk to _someone_ about why something so stupid is bothering him.

"I never initiated anything," Elliot says eventually. "We are just friends. And it's not fair for me to call dibs on someone that isn't even interested in me."

"You just said you never initiated anything," Fin points out. "How do you know she wasn't just trying to make sure you felt the same way?" Elliot's quiet for a minute, and eventually, he shakes his head.

"I don't," he says eventually. "But I couldn't keep Cassidy away from her just because I've wondered if we could end up together."

"Whatever you say, man," Fin says, scoffing. "But, if they end up getting married or something, just know that you brought it on yourself."

It feels like Elliot's just gone down a steep hill on a roller-coaster, the way his stomach drops. He grunts a little, trying to assure himself that Fin had only been teasing to get a reaction out of him. Eventually, he looks back up.

"Hey, Fin," he says. Fin looks up. "How did you know? That I liked Olivia. I mean, I didn't even really know until this whole thing happened." Fin stares at him, his eyebrows lowered.

"Come on," Fin says. "You know what kind of foods she eats, what kind of music she likes, what band t-shirts she owns."

"That doesn't necessarily mean I want to be more than friends," Elliot says. Fin raises his brows.

"What kind of music do I like to listen to?" he says. Elliot starts to open his mouth and he cuts him off. "It's not rap. And that's prejudiced."

"No idea," Elliot admits. Fin nods.

"And, for good measure," he says. "You had a place to take her on a date picked out in your head. There's no other reason you'd remember a place in Chelsea that offers paint and sip sessions." Elliot thinks about this, slowly realizing that Fin was right.

"Wow," he says, laying his head on his desk. "I'm pathetic."

"It's okay," Fin says. "You know, maybe won't get married. They might just shack up in an apartment in Soho and buy a little dog or something."

Elliot sighs.

•

Friday night comes fast for Olivia. Maybe because she spends the whole week worrying about her date. She had not been asked out on a date since her husband died, and even before that, the only man she'd ever been a serious relationship with was Jonathan. He was her first, and he was her world until he passed. And yet, here she was, almost two years after his death, somehow still breathing without him, even though there was a time when she would have thought it impossible.

She sits at her vanity, perfecting her makeup. She pauses for a moment, takes a second to look at herself. Her hair, which had been cropped this summer, was growing out into a bob that just covered her ears. She hadn't let it grow out for a long time, and she briefly wonders if she'll ever gain the courage to let it fall to her shoulders again. Her eyes move downwards, to her dress. She was wearing a black dress, casual, but form-fitting. When she'd called Brian to see what they were doing, he'd told her in a nervous voice just to wear whatever she felt comfortable in. Olivia enjoyed getting a chance to dress up, and so she'd decided on one of her "feel-good" dresses, one of the pieces that always made her feel more confident. She hoped it worked tonight.

There's a knock on her bedroom door. She knows who it must be, and so she smiles before glancing over at the door.

"Come in," she says. Luke enters, first peeking his head in and then shyly making his way over to sit on her bed. He watches his mom as she turns back to the vanity, outlining her lips with a liner. "Everything okay out there?"

"Yeah," Luke says. "Amy turned on Rolie Polie Olie and Grace is watching that."

"Thank you for being a good sport," Olivia says, smiling at Luke through the mirror. "You can watch your shows on the big TV after she goes to bed, okay? And remember, there's chili in the slow-cooker, that's dinner tonight."

"Okay," Luke says, swinging his legs. He watches him mom for a moment, his eyes following her hand as she applies lipstick. "Where are you going tonight?"

"I have a date," Olivia says. She glances back at her son, tilting her head. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, I guess," Luke says, looking down and playing with his fingers before raising his eyes to meet his mother's. "Is it with Dickie's dad?"

"Elliot?" Olivia says, her eyebrows raising. It seems that everyone thinks she and Elliot are dating. "No. Where'd you get that idea?"

"I don't know," Luke says, jerking his shoulders and looking back down quickly.

"Dickie's dad and I are just friends," Olivia says, setting down her lipstick. She picks up her powder brush, trying to think about when her son had gotten the idea that they were more. He was awfully observational for a kid his age, but she didn't think she and Elliot had done anything to suggest they were a couple. "Okay?"

"Okay," Luke answers. He sounds a little reserved, and Olivia looks in the mirror to see his face, but he's still looking down. She decides to let it go for now, and the room is quiet as she finishes her face. At least until Luke speaks up one more time. "Do you still love Dad?"

There's a long pause after that. Olivia turns around now, facing her son. He looks up, meeting her eyes and she exhales. She has always tried her hardest to be honest with Luke; she never wanted to patronize his intelligence, but she didn't want to warp his view of his father either.

"A little," she says eventually. And this is the truest thing she can think of to say. "I think I always will, at least a little. We were married for a long time, and so that's not going to change because I go out on dates with someone else."

But Luke hadn't been thinking about the date, at that point. His question had come from another place it seems, and he sits for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip until he finally speaks up.

"I know he was mean to you sometimes," he says, looking back at Olivia, who's face folds a little. "He yelled at you."

"Yeah," Olivia says softly. Her heart lurches, and guilt begins to fill her. She had never known for sure how much her son had seen, and she had never known how to ask. But now here he is, sitting on her bed and telling her that he knew his father could be mean. "That was wrong of him."

"One time, he yelled at me too," Luke begins. Confusion washes over Olivia's face as she tries to think of when her husband yelled at Luke. She had never seen Jonathan yell at her son, and part of her believed that was because he had known that she wouldn't have allowed it. She had threatened to leave, once or twice, but if Jonathan had taken out his anger on their child, she would have had no other choice. But now, she's looking at her son and his hazel eyes, which are so like his dad's, but so different as well – clouded with concern and worry – and hearing him tell her his dad had yelled at him too.

"When?" she asks. Luke takes a breath, trying to figure out how much he should say, and if he had been supposed to say anything at all. He didn't like to upset his mom, but she also told him all the time that he could tell her anything. So, he continues.

"When we went on vacation, at the lake house," he says, his voice quiet. "You took me swimming and we did the kayaks, and then we went to get ice cream, but it rained, and we got lost so we came back really late."

"I remember," Olivia says. In July of 2000, they had rented a house on Lake Ontario. On that day that Luke is talking about, Jonathan had been angry when they had come home. It was only 9, but it was dark outside, and Olivia had taken the car, so he couldn't go looking for them. She had known that he was going to yell as soon as she had walked in the house and seen the fire in his eyes and the beer bottles in the trashcan. So she had sent Luke back to his room, told him to shower and get in bed so that he wouldn't have to see his father yell. "But you went to sleep as soon as we got back. Right?" Luke pauses, taking another deep breath.

"I was thirsty," he said. "I did take a shower and I got into bed too, but I couldn't fall asleep and so I got up to get a glass of water."

"Oh Luke," Olivia says, her stomach plummeting. She is praying, hoping with everything in her that he hadn't seen the worst of the argument, that he'd just bumped into an upset Jonathan who told him to get back to bed. But Luke looks back at her, his eyes wavering, and Olivia knows before he speaks that her fears are confirmed.

"I saw him yelling at you," Luke breathes. It feels like he's sharing a secret, saying something he shouldn't have. "You were on the couch, holding your face, and you were crying. And I watched in the hallway, and he said that you needed to shut up before you woke me up, but I was already there. I was going to go see if you were hurt, but then he saw me, in the hallway, and you didn't. And he walked over to me and grabbed my arm and yelled that I was supposed to be asleep and he took me back to my room."

Olivia looks at her son, his eyes trained on her. He doesn't seem upset about what he's saying, he's only trying to gauge her reaction. Olivia blinks back the tears that have come to her eyes and shakes her head, standing and then sitting on the bed next to her son, wrapping her arms around him. She doesn't want to react badly and make this worse for him, but her whole body feels like it's going to cave in on itself.

"I shouldn't have let him yell at you," she says softly. "And I shouldn't have let him yell at me either. That is not the way you are supposed to talk to someone, no matter how mad you are, no matter what happened. That's not how you treat people. I need you to know that, okay?" Against her will, a tear slides down her cheek and she wipes it away hastily, hugging her son before letting him pull back to look at her.

"I know," Luke says quietly. "I know, mom. It's okay. Don't cry." He raises a hand and wipes her cheek and Olivia laughs softly.

"It's my job to take care of you," Olivia says, running a hand through his dark hair. "No one is ever going to yell at you like that again, okay? I promise. And I'm sorry that your dad did. He could be good. And when we got married, he was the best person I'd ever met. But you're right, he was really, really mean sometimes. And I shouldn't have let that happen. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's okay," Luke says. He pauses for a second, looking like he wants to admit something. "I thought Mr. Stabler would be a cool dad. And he makes you laugh a lot. That's why I asked if you were going on a date with him." Olivia chuckles softly, looking at her son.

"So now you're trying to set us up, huh?" she says, smiling gently. "I do appreciate that, but I promise I can figure it out on my own, alright?"

"Alright," Luke says. "Who is your date with?"

"His name is Brian," Olivia says. "He's a police officer, like Elliot, so he's a good guy."

"Okay," Luke says, seeming to accept this. "Is he coming here?"

"No, I'm supposed to meet him there." Olivia looks down at her watch. Brian, of course, had offered multiple times to pick Olivia up, but because she had wanted to wait awhile before introducing him to her kids, she'd told him that she would just take a cab and meet him there. "Oof, I should be leaving now, actually. Do I look okay?" Luke's eyes run over her face and he nods.

"Yeah, you look pretty," he says. "But I think you messed up your eye." Olivia stands and glances back in the vanity, wincing at her smeared mascara.

"Wow, you're right about that," she says, grabbing a wipe. "Good call, kid. It's a good thing you always have my back." Luke giggles and nods, confirming her statement.

"Yeah."

•

"Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late," Olivia says, walking up to Brian, who stands. The address he'd given her had led her to a tall building with lots of suites, and they stand in the lobby now. Brian smiles a little and shakes his head, but she continues with her apology. "I got caught up talking to my son, and Grace loves to throw fits right when I'm about to leave the house."

"It's alright," Brian says. "I'm really just glad you're here."

"Yeah," Olivia says, smiling slightly. "Me too." Brian smiles back at her, licking his bottom lip nervously, before looking down at his hands and realizing he'd had something to give her.

"Here, this is for you," he says, holding out what looks like a t-shirt. When Olivia unfolds it, she sees that's what it is: a faded NYPD tee. She looks up at him questioningly.

"Are we solving a case tonight?" she asks. Brian chuckles and shakes his head, starting to walk over to one of the suites.

"No, that's so you don't mess up that great dress," he says, realizing that he hadn't complimented her yet. "You look amazing by the way."

"Thank you," Olivia says softly, smiling. "But what do you mean?" Brian nods at the sign on the door before he opens it for her.

"We're participating in a paint and sip," Brian says, looking at her for a reaction. "Is that alright? We can grab dinner afterward."

"That sounds great," Olivia says, pleasantly surprised. Judging off of Brian's relaxed aura, she had expected to just go out and grab a drink and some bar food, but this idea was well-planned and extremely thoughtful. She smiles widely at him as they make their way over to table with their names on it and slips on his t-shirt. "This is a fantastic idea."

Brian is trying to decide if he should tell her that Elliot had helped him out, or just brush it off. Before he makes a choice, one of the workers walks up the table and offers two glasses of wine.

"Thank you," Olivia says, placing the glass on the table. She was not usually big on drinking. But, tonight had been stressful, and her date hadn't even really begun yet. And in the head, her memories of Jonathan and the incident Luke had brought up threatened to overtake her thoughts. She needed to calm down. Brian had done something _so_ nice in planning this date, and she wanted to be able to relax and enjoy it. So, smiling at him, she lifts her glass and takes a sip.

•

Olivia had not planned on finishing her first glass of wine. But by the time she and Brian finish their paintings, she's reached the bottom of her second glass. As they stand and leave, she notices that she's beginning to feel the effects, and tells herself that she'll have to slow down.

They walk to a restaurant around the corner, a little hole in the wall Italian place. It looks a little familiar, but Olivia can't remember why exactly, maybe because of the fuzziness the wine had caused. They grab a booth in the back corner and Olivia smiles at Brian, passing him back his shirt and setting her painting and purse to the side.

"That was really fun," she says, smiling widely. To be fair, the wine had made her feel a lot more open and she's happy she had come out. "Thank you, for taking me. I'd never been to anything like that before."

"Me either," Brian says, smiling widely at the gorgeous woman in front of him. "I'm glad you had a good time."

"A wonderful time," Olivia says. She motions to her painting. "And I made that, and it _almost_ looks like the skyline we were supposed to make. You know, if you tilt your head, and squint, and then close both eyes and imagine what it was supposed to look like."

Brian laughs, surprised by her humor like he had been every time she made a new joke. As far as he was concerned, Olivia was such a catch. He really owed Elliot a thousand thanks yous.

A waitress walks up to take their drink orders and pass them menus. Her eyes hover over Olivia's face for a moment before she smiles.

"Olivia, right?" she says. Olivia's eyebrows knit together, and she nods slightly. The waitress smile widens. "I never forget a face. You came here with your husband once; a few years ago, had to be. Left a great tip."

Olivia _knew_ that this restaurant had felt familiar. Jonathan had ruined New York for her. She would have moved away from that too it didn't mean uprooting Luke from his school. Now her husband's smile is in her mind again; the crack of the back of his hand against her cheek echoing in her ears.

"Right," she says slowly, blinking and trying to come back to where she was. "I remember now. I'll take a water…and some kind of red wine if you have it? Is that okay?" She glances back at Brian. She had fully intended on paying half of the bill, but she didn't want to seem demanding.

"Of course," Brian says, nodding. "Coke for me please." The waitress writes it down and nods before heading to the next table. Brian tries to catch Olivia's eye, but she's worrying a loose thread on her jacket sleeve. "Hey. You want to talk about that?"

Olivia looks up at Brian, his softened features. She smiles a little and shakes her head.

"No."

•

Dinner goes well, Olivia thinks. This is until she realizes over dessert that she is drunk. She hadn't been paying attention to how much wine she'd had, but she thinks she's on her fourth glass of the night. It seemed like every time she started enjoying herself, she had remembered Jonathan, and her son, watching him yell at her from the hallway. This made her reach for her glass again, and somehow, she'd ended up here, her mind cloudy and her body warm. She giggles as Brian asks for the check, then looks over at her, his eyes concerned.

"Hey," he says gently. "You alright?"

"Yeah," she says smiling a little sleepily before shaking her head. "Wait, no. I think I _might_ have had too much to drink." Brian's eyebrows raise, and he glances at her glass. He hadn't finished a glass at the paint and sip, or the one he'd gotten when they first came into the restaurant, and although Olivia had been getting steadily more talkative as the night progressed, he hadn't realized she was drunk until now. He'd been a bit distracted, quite honestly, focused mainly on how much he liked her and how lucky he felt to be out with her.

"Oh," he says. "Oh wow, um, well, let me get you home okay?"

"No, no," Olivia says, her words beginning to run together. "I can't go home. I have kids. Oh man, I have kids and I'm _drunk_." She says this last part to herself, mostly, in disbelief. She hadn't been drunk since her freshman year in college. Brian looks at her, starting to worry. The bill comes, and he puts down some cash, quickly making a decision.

"Alright," he says. "Come on, I know where we can go."

•

This is how Brian and Olivia end up outside Elliot's apartment at 11 pm. Brian knocks and shifts the arm that's around Olivia's waist to support her a little more.

"How you holding up, champ?" he asks and she laughs softly, leaning into his chest.

"Good," she mumbles, glancing up at him and raising a hand to trace over his jaw. "Was this a bad date?"

"Um," Brian begins. But then Elliot swings the door open, looking surprised.

"Hey, come in," he says, stepping aside. Brian helps Olivia inside and Elliot shuts the door behind them. "What are you doing here?"

"Man, I don't know what happened," Brian says, carefully guiding Olivia to the couch where she sits, smiling at Elliot. He places her jacket and purse next to her. "Do you have aspirin in the kitchen?"

"Yeah," Elliot says, taking the hint. He leads Brian back into the kitchen. "Is she alright?"

"She's okay, but she's drunk," Brian whispers, looking for a glass. When he finds one, he fills with water. While he does this, Elliot finds some aspirin in the cabinet. "I didn't even know until the end of dinner."

"Drunk?" Elliot says, confused. "No, Olivia doesn't drink."

"I know you said that," Brian says, shaking his head. He runs a hand through his hair. "But she's drunk."

"What did she drink?" Elliot asks, concern edging his voice. In all the time that he had known Olivia, she had always refused alcohol when offered it. "And how much?"

"Just wine," Brian says. "Maybe 3 and a half, 4 glasses? I wasn't counting."

"4 glasses," Elliot repeats, shaking his head. "Why'd you bring her here?"

"Well, her kids are at home with a babysitter, so she didn't want me to take her there," Brian says. "And I didn't want to take her back to my apartment and have her panic about waking up in a strange place in the morning. Do you mind letting her sleep it off here? Your kids aren't here this weekend, right?"

"No, they decided to just come over for Halloween," Elliot says. "But, yeah, I guess she can."

"I'm really sorry," Brian says, meeting his eyes. "I just didn't know what do…I mean _fuck_ man, what made her get drunk? Was it me?"

"I'm sure it wasn't," Elliot says, shaking his head. He pats Brian's should. "Go tell her good night, I'm gonna call her babysitter for her."

"Right," Brian says, nodding. "Thanks again."

He heads back into the living room and Elliot goes to the phone and quickly dials Olivia's home number, something he'd remembered in the past year. He lets Amy know that Olivia is over at his house and asks if she's able to spend the night. Luckily, she says she's happy to stay and Elliot thanks her before hanging up and picking up the water and aspirin.

"Hey, Liv," Elliot says gently, walking back into the living room, where Olivia is half asleep. She looks up at him, smiling a little. "You okay?"

"Hey, Elliot," she says, tilting her head to look at him. Brian must have already left. Elliot knew he was going to find a way to beat himself up about this; he'd been so eager for the date. Elliot sets the glass of water down on the coffee table and hands Olivia the two aspirin. "I feel good. Great. _Super_."

"Take this for me," he says gently, sitting on the edge of the couch.

Olivia obliges, giggling softly as she does so, taking a sip of water and nearly spilling the whole thing on herself. She laughs at her own clumsiness and Elliot shakes his head, helping her set the glass back down.

"So," she says, looking at him through half-lidded eyes, a sleepy smile on her face. "What's next, _detective_?" She giggles again, and Elliot only can chuckle softly, in spite of the situation, because, well, she looks kind of cute. He stands and leans down, helping her up off the couch.

"Next, I'm going to help you lay down," Elliot says, trying to get her to walk back to the bedroom, but Olivia protests, a pout on her face, and she shakes her head. "Come on, you'll feel much better after you wake up in the morning."

"Noooo," Olivia whines softly. Then just like a small child, she goes limp in Elliot's arms, making her lift her. She's not at all heavy – which may have explained why she'd gotten drunk so quickly, now that he thought about it – but Elliot still grunts when he catches her, keeping her from hitting the floor. Olivia slips her arms around his neck, pressing against him to hold herself up and murmuring softly as she looks at him, her eyes attempting to focus on his face. "I wanna stay out here, with you. Brian left, but you're who I _really_ wanted to see tonight anyway."

"I'm going with you," Elliot assures, trying his hardest to steady his increasing heartbeat. He has to force himself not to look too much into her speech and he tries to move again, but Olivia still refuses. Eventually, he just sighs and lifts her, wrapping his arms around the back of her legs and carrying her into the guest room. Olivia squeals when he does this and when he sets her down, helping her sit on the edge of the bed, she's pouting again.

"That wasn't fair," she says, shaking her head, her voice still child-like. "You can't just pick me up, that's totally against the rules."

"Okay, okay," Elliot says, smiling again. "I'm sorry. I'm going to get some clothes for you, okay? Stay still."

"Yes sir," Olivia responds, nodding, and then giggling to herself again. Elliot chuckles quietly, heading across the hall to his room. He quickly grabs a large t-shirt and some sweatpants, then makes his way back. Olivia grins when she sees him. "You're back!"

"I am," Elliot says, setting the clothes down. "Here, can you change into these?" Olivia stands, a little wobbly, trying her hardest to follow through on the command. She manages to get her tights off, even though she has to balance against Elliot, but when it comes to her dress, she can't even reach around to grab her zipper.

"I can't get it, El," she says, sounding sad. "Why do they make them like this? The zipper should just go in the front."

Again, her tone of voice makes Elliot smile just a little. He steps in to assist her, unzipping the dress and helping Olivia step out of it. He casts his eyes to the ground as soon as she gets the dress off and sees that she throws her bra to the ground as well.

"Put on those clothes," he says gently, motioning to the ones on the bed. He turns his back to her, folding her dress and gingerly picking her bra up. He places the folded clothes on the ottoman. "You dressed?"

"Yes sir," Olivia says again. Elliot turns to see her covered by his t-shirt, which reaches her knees. She had ignored the sweatpants, but he'd guess that'd do. Olivia seems to be slowly becoming aware of her intoxication and raises her hands to her head, cradling it. " _Wow."_

"You okay?" Elliot asks carefully. And she nods slowly, eventually looking back up at him and giggling softly.

"I am so drunk," she whispers. Elliot can't help but laugh back softly, shaking his head. "Wow, I'm such a bad date." She pauses, her eyebrows knitting together as if she's trying to put something together. "I'm a bad mom, too."

"No, you're not," Elliot says, shaking his head. "Your kids are safe, at home, in bed with the babysitter. You just need to get some sleep, so you can go see them in the morning."

"But I'm really, really drunk," she says, shaking her head and looking confused. "And I let Luke see his dad yell at me, and he wasn't supposed to see."

"What?" Elliot asks, tilting his head. Olivia sits back on the bed and he carefully sits next to her. "Jonathan?"

"Yeah," Olivia says. She spits his name out like it tastes bad. "Jonathan. Don't get me wrong, he was sweet sometimes but sometimes he was so _mean_."

"Jonathan was mean to you," Elliot says, his eyebrows coming down.

"Yes," Olivia says, sounding like she's frustrated with Elliot for not keeping up. "He was a real _dick_ sometimes. He yelled at me, _all the time,_ especially when he got drunk. He could be such a _jerk_."

"That's why you don't drink?" Elliot asks, trying to follow her train of thought.

"No no," Olivia says, shaking her head. "I don't drink because of my _mom_. Except for tonight, I had to drink because I was so nervous and because I was so worried about what Luke told me."

"What did Luke tell you?"

"That he saw his dad yelling at me," Olivia says, cradling her head again. She continues, slowing down to try and keep her words from slurring, but it doesn't help much. "On vacation, at the lake house. But Luke didn't see him hit me, so I guess it could be worse. Right?"

"Hit you," Elliot murmurs, closing his eyes for a second and trying to process Olivia's words. When he opens them, his hands have formed fists. "Olivia, Jonathan hit you?"

"Only a few times, at the end," Olivia says, pursing her lips together. "Only when he had been drinking. I _told_ him I didn't like alcohol, it can make people so _evil_ and it made him _awful."_ She closes her eyes, her head beginning to thud slightly, the aspirin from Elliot helping the pain only slightly. "Luke never saw that. But he saw the arguing. You can't tell him, okay? It was a secret."

Elliot is angry. Angry at Jonathan, angry at himself because he had been there and not noticed. He looks at Olivia now, with her hands in her head, drunk because her husband was dead, but still in her head. He fumes. Eventually, Olivia looks up, meeting his eyes. Immediately, she shakes her head, her voice cracking.

"You're mad," she says. She sounds scared, and that breaks Elliot's heart. He quickly tries to adjust his face, shaking his head. "You are."

"Not at you," Elliot assures. "Come here."

Olivia chews on her lip, debating whether to stay where she is or move closer. Eventually, she seems to decide that she can trust Elliot because she moves in, letting Elliot wrap his arms around her and pull her against his chest, exhaling as he does.

"It wasn't always bad," Olivia says softly, eventually. "He apologized after. Brought flowers. He could be kind. When he wanted to."

"Okay," Elliot says softly. He rubs Olivia's arms gently and she exhales, slowly relaxing into him. "Okay."

They sit like that for a minute. Elliot exhales slowly, thinking about Olivia, living with a man who hit her, who yelled at her. Who _abused_ her. As he sits and thinks about her suffering in silence for 15 years of marriage, trying to shield her son from her own experience, his arms tighten around her. He wants to protect her, shield her, encase her until she was hidden from the rest of the world and even the ghost of her late husband couldn't reach her. He wants to keep her safe.

Olivia starts to fall asleep. He can tell because her body presses more into his, her head relaxes, her breathing steadies. He shifts slowly, moving to guide her to lie down but her arms slip around his neck for the second time and she whispers into his t-shirt, holding onto him.

"Stay," she says, barely audible. "Please, El." Elliot feels his gut wrench.

"Okay," he says. He slides away from her, guiding her to lie under the covers. He then moves to turn the light off, lying down next to her afterward. She moves to meet his body heat, wiggling under his arms. She nearly asleep, Elliot knows, and he wraps his arms around her, making her hum contentedly. She finds a way to get even closer, tucking her face into the crook of his neck, sliding her own arms around his back.

"Don't leave," she mumbles softly, and Elliot shakes his head slightly.

"I'm not going anywhere," he says. But by the time he responds, she is already asleep.


	6. The Morning After

Hello all! Sorry for the wait; I hit a bit of writer's block. This chapter is kind of short, but I hope you all enjoy. I promise this isn't the end of the conversation about Olivia's marriage, or about her childhood. I also promise this isn't going to be a "Brian or Elliot?" story; Brian is really just useful to the plot right now. Alright, as always, leave your comments in a review. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 5 – The Morning After

When Olivia wakes up in the morning, the first thing she becomes aware of is how pleasantly warm she feels. She doesn't open her eyes immediately because she doesn't want to wake all the way up. She wants to stay in the nice little spot in the center of asleep and awake; where her headache is not much more than a dull, bearable pounding and where the sunlight can't hurt her eyes but instead falls over her in a blanket of warmth. She tries to float in that nice little middle area for as long as she can.

But eventually, her brain forces her to return her full consciousness, and she makes a small noise of protest as she opens her eyes. As soon as she does, the sunlight assaults her, and she becomes aware of the ache spreading throughout her body and the thudding in her head. The warm feeling leaves, and she feels something closer to sticky, and painfully aware of a weight draped across her belly. She blinks to focus her vision and looks down, making out what seems to be an arm. She jumps a little, her eyes running over the arm and the man it belongs to.

"Elliot?" she breathes. It's a question; almost like she can't believe she's woken up in a bed next to the soundly sleeping cop. She nudges his arm off of her and scoots away from him. What had she done last night? What had they done? She glances down at herself, then at Elliot. She's dressed in a t-shirt, she's guessing one of Elliot's, and as far as she can see, he's fully clothed. Despite this, panic still starts to creep up into her mind, and she taps his back, and when she receives no response, shakes him.

"Elliot," she says. "Elliot, wake up."

Elliot stirs slowly, grunting a little and rolling onto his back. He rubs his eyes, eventually opening one and looking at Olivia.

"Hm?" he says, barely awake. Olivia makes a sound of exasperation. At any other time, his grogginess might have been attractive, maybe even enticing, but not now, not when she couldn't remember how she had ended up in his bed.

"What happened last night?" she says. Her own voice startles her, and she raises her a hand to head, groaning softly. She was hungover. Which meant that she'd been drinking. This would explain the slight memory loss, but it didn't make much sense because she did not like to drink. "Why am I here?"

Elliot watches her cautiously, finally opening both eyes and sitting up.

"You need to take a shower, eat something," he says eventually. "You'll feel better."

"Elliot, what happened?" Olivia repeats, shaking her head. Becoming aware of their closeness, she moves back. She would get up, put some more distance between them but her muscles are aching, and her head feels like someone has it in a vice grip.

"Nothing bad," he assures. "What do you remember? I'll fill in what you can't." Olivia sighs, massaging her temples. She tries her hardest to think back to last night. She remembers…talking to Luke before her date. Her heart drops as she remembers her son, talking to her about his dad. She remembers calming down Grace before leaving. She starts talking out loud now because Elliot is still watching her warily.

"I remember meeting Brian," she says slowly. "He took me to a paint and sip, and I drank." She groans, dropping her head. She has never had a high tolerance for alcohol, and she knew that, but getting tipsy at a paint and sip sounded ridiculous, even to her.

"What else?" Elliot prods gently. She sighs, thinking.

"Dinner," she says as she remembers. "We went to dinner at this Italian place, and the waitress recognized me because…" Her voice flatters and she chooses not to finish the sentence. "I drank there too. And then I was drunk. It's blurry after that. Did he bring me here?"

"Yeah," Elliot says. "He just didn't want you to wake up at his place in the morning and panic."

"My kids," Olivia says, startled. She looks up at Elliot. "My kids are with a sitter, she was supposed to leave at 11."

"I called," Elliot assures her. Olivia lets out a breath. She's looking awfully depressed and so Elliot reaches out and slides his hand over her thigh. She jumps a little. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah," she says quietly. She shakes her head slightly. "So, what happened after Brian brought me here?"

"Not much. I gave you an aspirin, came back and helped you get in bed." Olivia raises her brows. This does not answer the question of why they're in bed together and so Elliot continues, his neck and the tips of his ears reddening. "You asked me to stay."

"Oh," Olivia says, exhaling. This is a bit embarrassing, but she doesn't feel much like being bashful right now, so she accepts the statement and decides not to look too much into it. Conveniently, she also decides to ignore the fact that she hadn't woken up in a fearful start for the first time in nearly two years this morning. If anything, that was probably due to the alcohol, not Elliot and his strong arm draped over her. She drops her head and closes her eyes again to block out the sunlight. "Thanks for that."

"Of course," Elliot says. There's moment of silence and he continues to watch Olivia. He needs to ask her about last night, about everything she said, but he wants to do it in a way that encourages her to open up, not shut down and shut him out. He begins to speak up, but Olivia exhales before starting to speak.

"I should get back to my place," she says, shaking her head slightly, trying to clear it. Unfortunately, this doesn't help much and only makes her headache worse. She groans slightly, and Elliot shakes his head. "I need to talk to my kids, call Brian and apologize…" Elliot's stomach flips at this last part, but he ignores it.

"Come on," he says, getting her to peek up at him. "Take a shower, eat some breakfast. Like I said, you'll feel better. I'll take you home afterward."

"I don't know," Olivia says, running a hand through her hair. "My kids have been home without me since last night, and Luke is probably so confused."

"Move quickly then," Elliot says. He nudges her leg before standing up, stretching and wrinkling his nose. "Come on. You definitely need the shower, at least, because you kind of smell like acrylic paint and red wine."

"Shut up," Olivia jokes back, tossing a pillow at Elliot and smiling a little. He chuckles and catches it. "You slept with me anyways."

"Well, I have low standards," Elliot says. Olivia laughs, shaking her head and smiling at him, before nodding a bit.

"I'll take the shower," she says. Elliot smiles.

"I'll bring you some clothes," he says. "And, I'll make you scrambled eggs. Which I now know how to make, without a recipe."

"Scrambled eggs, huh?" Olivia says, slowly climbing out of the bed, trying to ignore how shitty she feels. "Impressive."

"I know," Elliot says, smiling as he starts to head out. "Prepare to have your mind and your taste buds blown."

"Ah," Olivia says, chuckling softly. Elliot winks and exits.

•

To Elliot's credit, when Olivia comes out of the shower, she does feel much better. She walks into the kitchen, running a hand through her hair and smiling at Elliot, who is setting her plate down on the island. She sets her clothes from last night on a stool and sits in another, nodding to her plate.

"This looks promising," she says, flicking her eyes up at Elliot. "You aren't going to eat?"

"I'm not all that hungry," he says, leaning against the counter and smiling back at her. "But on today's menu, we have fruit, toast, and of course scrambled eggs."

"Right, of course," Olivia says, chuckling and picking up her fork. She takes a bite and nods her head. They aren't half bad, honestly. She likes her eggs with more salt and pepper, but to protect Elliot's feelings, she flashes him a smile.

"These are good," she says. Elliot smiles back at her.

"Yeah?" he asks. "Good, I'm glad you like them." Olivia continues to eat, not having realized how hungry she was. After a few minutes, she glances up to ask Elliot something but pauses as she notices him watching her.

"What?" she asks, smiling a little and tilting her head. Elliot blinks and coughs.

"What?" he asks, making Olivia chuckle before she pops a strawberry into her mouth.

"You're staring," she says, still grinning. Elliot blushes, his eyes going to the ground quickly. When he looks back up, Olivia has her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Sorry," he says, laughing nervously. In all honesty, for just a moment, he had been thinking of how absolutely gorgeous Olivia was. When she had woken him up that morning, he almost didn't want to wake up. He had nearly forgotten what it was like to wake up in a warm bed, the pillows smelling of a flowery perfume. When he had opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that even with last night's makeup smudged and his wrinkled, oversized t-shirt on, Olivia had been beautiful. And now, she was beautiful as she sat in front of him, devouring her food, her hair still damp, dressed in his sweats and her heels from last night. So, he'd gotten caught up in looking at her and thinking about how cute she was, and how hard that made it for him to think about her with Brian.

"Hm," Olivia says, smiling shyly into her plate. She pauses, remembering what she had been about to say. "I've got to call my babysitter."

"I called while you were in the shower," Elliot says. He turns to start cleaning the kitchen up. "The kids are still asleep, Amy said everything went fine last night, and she's okay staying until you can make it over there."

"Oh," Olivia says, sounding relieved. "Thank you for that. And for everything, really. Letting me crash over here, giving me this cool sweatshirt …" Elliot laughs.

"It's no problem," he says, filling the sink with warm water. He starts to wash the pan he had used earlier, trying to figure out how to bring up last night's conversation tactfully. "You were really out of it last night."

"God, I know," Olivia says, shaking her head as she takes a bite of her toast. "I really don't usually drink. I mean, you know that."

"Because of your mom, right?" Elliot says carefully, testing the waters. Olivia doesn't immediately respond, and he turns, wiping his soapy hands on a dishtowel. "Last night, you said something like that."

Olivia still doesn't respond immediately, and Elliot prepares to apologize, but eventually, she nods, pushing her remaining eggs around her plate.

"She was an alcoholic," she says, surprising Elliot with her openness. She looks up at him. "I didn't know if I had the gene or anything, so I just stayed away from it for the most part."

"Oh," Elliot says. He leans against the counter, maintaining eye contact with Olivia, who's beginning to look a little nervous.

"So, I was kind of talkative last night?" she asks. Elliot nods and she looks back down, shaking her head. "I mean, I was drunk, so I wouldn't take anything I said too seriously." Internally, she's beginning to panic, knowing that Jonathan and Luke had been on her mind last night. She hoped that she hadn't shared anything with Elliot. But the feeling in her stomach makes her feel like she had, and when he manages to catch her eyes, her gut feeling is confirmed.

"Olivia," he starts, his voice gentle. Olivia shakes her head, looking away and standing.

"No," she says, firmly. "Whatever I said, I didn't mean it. I was drunk, and I don't want to talk about it."

Elliot's lips press together in a flat line, and Olivia can tell he doesn't want to drop the subject. An urge to leave his apartment hits her and she grabs her dish from the island.

"Thank you for breakfast," she says. Elliot takes her plate and sticks it in the sink, and she turns to pick up her clothes. "I should really get going, though."

"Olivia, just wait a second," he says, following her into the living room. He grabs his keys from the foyer table. "I'll drive you."

"I'll get a cab," she says quickly, spotting her jacket and purse on the couch and going to grab them.

"Olivia," Elliot repeats, a little frustrated. "Olivia, you don't have to do that, hold on for just a second." He reaches out for her arm at this point, managing to catch her wrist. She jumps when he touches her, and her eyes widen as she snatches her arm away. Worry clouds Elliot's eyes and he holds up his hands.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry. Can you just talk to me for a second? _Please_."

Olivia takes a shaky breath, trying to get her heartbeat to slow. She hated that she had lost her composure. She looks at Elliot, at his steady blue eyes, full of concern. She nods.

"Okay," she says quietly. She holds her bag in front of her, lowering her arms from the protective position they'd moved into. "What?"

"You said…" Elliot tries, but his voice catches, and he has to clear his throat. His eyes stay on Olivia's. "You said Jonathan hit you. Is that true?"

Olivia tries to maintain eye contact, she really does. But her eyes start watering, and she has to look down to blink back the stinging tears.

"It doesn't matter," she says. And Elliot makes a low noise that she takes to be an expression of his exasperation.

"Olivia, of course it _matters._ "

"Why?" she says, snatching her head back up to look at him. She feels her resolve dissolving as Jonathan's smile flashes in front of her eyes. The kiss on her forehead he'd given her before she left on that day burns into her skin. The bruise on her ribcage sings. "Why does it matter if he was awful, or if he was always angry, or if he hit me? He's _dead_ , Elliot."

"I didn't know," Elliot says, shaking his head. Again, his fists clench at the thought of Jonathan hurting Olivia. Anger stirs in his stomach and he does his best to suppress it. "I didn't know you were going through that. I would have helped you. I would have protected you." This last part slips out, but it doesn't seem to matter. Olivia lets out a short laugh and sniffs, wiping at her eyes. She shakes her head.

"I appreciate that," she says, her voice quiet. "But he's gone now. So, it doesn't matter. And I don't want to talk about it."

"But you're not okay," Elliot insists. He's trying to reestablish eye contact, but Olivia's looking elsewhere. "Olivia when something like that happens, you have to talk about it. I mean, did you ever tell anyone?" Olivia looks back at him now, and he knows the answer is no.

"I don't want to talk about it," Olivia repeats, shaking her head. Her voice is starting to crack. "Okay, El? I don't want to talk about it." Elliot has to force himself to take a breath and he watches her watering brown eyes before nodding slightly, his jaw clenched.

He wants to pull her into his arms; standing and looking at her with tears in her eyes. She looks so small, swallowed in his sweats. He should have known. He should have been there to protect her like he said. That was on him. But standing there, looking at one of the best mothers he knew, the most beautiful person he'd ever seen, and one of his closest friends, he decided that he was never going to let anyone hurt her again. That would have to be enough for now, at least, until she trusted him enough to open up.

"Yeah," he says. "Okay. Come on, I'll drive you back."

•

The ride back to Olivia's apartment is quiet. Usually, Olivia would have done something to ease the tension; cracked some stupid joke, teased Elliot for his slow driving, _anything_ to lighten the mood. But she felt drained, and so she let them sit in silence.

When Elliot stops outside her apartment she gives him a quick goodbye, not looking directly at him, before getting out and going inside. Like he had said, the kids were still asleep, and she checked in on them before apologizing profusely to Amy and paying her.

She makes herself a cup of coffee after Amy leaves, sitting at the kitchen table and looking around her light-filled kitchen. Last night was still a bit of a blur, but some of the details were becoming clearer. She remembered getting to Elliot's place, remembers him helping her out of her dress, and remembers asking him to stay. And he had, so she could remember the smell of his aftershave and the rising and falling of his chest.

They were getting closer. Slowly, but it was undeniable. It had been like that ever since Jonathan's passing, but especially in the last couple of weeks. Olivia didn't know what it was, but she wasn't sure that's something she wanted to happen. Elliot knew her too well, could read her like a book, knew when she was serious and when she was joking. He hadn't, of course, known about the most hidden parts of her marriage or about her childhood, but she worked hard to keep those a secret. But now, it was getting so that whenever she looked into those blue eyes she got an urge to bare her soul. That was frightening.

The last person that had known everything about her was her late husband. He had saved her from a bad place. Life with Serena Benson was more than a whirlwind, it was a hurricane. It was bottles being aimed at her head and hurtful words spit out of a drunken mouth and a constant sick feeling in her stomach. At 16, Olivia had hated her life. And so, when Jonathan Rhoades, a boy who came from money, who treated her so sweetly, had proposed to her, Olivia has seen him as her knight in shining armor, and she opened up to him and gave him every bit of her being; slowly of course, but eventually, Jonathan had held her entire soul in the palm of his hand. And then he had squeezed it, twisted it, picked at it. Just like her mother.

She was not going to make that mistake again with Elliot.

The phone rings, startling her. She stands and crosses the kitchen to pick it up. For some reason, her hands are shaking.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Olivia? I'm glad you made it home."

It's Brian. Olivia's stomach flips with guilt. Here she had been, mulling over Elliot, and her date from last night was calling to check in on her. Brian was different from Elliot. He was safer, less intense. And he was kind enough, funny enough. She hoped that she hadn't completely ruined her chances with him. The fact that he had called was a good sign.

"I did," Olivia says. "I'm so sorry, about last night. My tolerance for alcohol really isn't high at all."

"I saw," Brian says, a bit of tease in his voice. Olivia chuckles. "It's alright."

"I'm usually not such a terrible date," Olivia promises. Brian is silent, seeming to think about this for a second.

"You could make it up to me," he says. Olivia smiles slightly.

"Yeah? How's that?"

"Another date?" Brian asks tentatively. "There's a new movie out for Halloween. We could go next weekend. No wine involved."

"Sure," Olivia says. "Just let me know when you're sure of the date and time."

"Great," Brian says. He sounds happy. "I really am glad you made it home okay. Elliot treat you okay?"

"Of course," Olivia says. She turns her head as the sound of Grace's crying catches her attention. "I've got to go, alright?"

"I'll call you," Brian assures. Olivia's smile widens a little.

"Great."


	7. Halloween

AN: Okay, so, I know it's been awhile since I updated anything and so I'm forcing myself to write because I really really, want to get this story to where I know it can go. I am also planning on updating Partners and Parents for anyone who reads that; I'm just trying to think of the perfect first date because that has to be special. Please enjoy this chapter & leave your thoughts in a review!

**Part of the reason why I'm so late with this is that it took me forever to figure out Halloween costumes, pathetic, I know.

Chapter 6 – Halloween

Although Olivia had made the decision to keep her distance from Elliot, emotionally, it would be nearly impossible to stay away from him physically. Their kids were best friends, and so since Luke had started kindergarten, she had seen Elliot Stabler around twice a week, every week of the year. It had been nice, at the very beginning. Olivia had never been the type to make friends easily. In high school, she stayed to herself, mostly for fear that anyone she hung out with would eventually find out about her mother's drinking. In college, she had been married and that seemed to set her apart from her classmates and their lives, which were full of partying and all-nighters, as opposed to Olivia's, which was full of cooking dinner and romantic comedies watched alone on the couch while she waited for Jonathan to get home. Even after she had graduated and gotten a job at a pharmaceutical company (something she'd never _really_ wanted to do), her coworkers were just that – coworkers, acquaintances, nothing more.

But Elliot Stabler had been different. He was funny. He was genuinely kind to her, always. He was also stubborn and annoying and rigid in his beliefs, but Olivia appreciated that. They worked well together, they fit. Supervising play dates at the Stabler household was enjoyable and she believed had almost as much fun as her son did on those afternoons. And when things had gotten tense between Elliot and his wife, he had confided in Olivia. It had surprised her at first, how easy it was for him to talk about it, how readily he shared his fears and their problems, but eventually, Olivia had realized that he didn't really have anyone else to talk to. He was just as professional at work as she was, and although he certainly liked the other detectives he worked with, he didn't seem comfortable going to them for advice. But Olivia and he were friends, and so their relationship was different. When he and Kathy divorced, he and Olivia grew closer.

Olivia had not confided in him in the same way when Jonathan died. She didn't know what it was, why it was so hard to talk about. She told herself that she just wanted to move on. It didn't make sense to wallow in the past. So maybe that was why she had moved out of the house Jonathan had bought, and quit the job that he had helped her get and cut the hair that he liked for her to wear long. She had cleansed her life of him, and the only things that remained the same were her and her children. That was how she had liked it. But she had to admit that the opportunity to share everything she'd kept a secret for so long had been tempting, if only for a moment. And Elliot was so…so inviting, so genuine, that he made it seem like she could tell him _anything_ and not be judged. Whenever she was around him, the dam she had built up over the past couple of years started to crack, weaken. But only for a moment.

The feeling always passed, though. And she was always glad that she hadn't shared. She was glad, now, that she had decided to prevent their relationship from developing into anything more. She would see Elliot twice a week or however often it was, and they would be friends because they were good at being friends, but that would be all.

Unfortunately for Olivia, she and Elliot's roles in the PTA now meant that they'd have to see each other even more. That put a bit of a dent in her plan, but nevertheless, she was sure she could handle it. Almost.

The first time she sees him after Saturday is that next Wednesday, the day before Halloween. They had managed to make the calls and get the supplies necessary to put together a last-minute haunted house-harvest festival mashup, the first fundraiser of the year. Olivia, although she had been elected unwillingly, was not the type to half-ass anything, and so she planned to be a great PTA president - at least until she was able to pass the torch next year. So, on Wednesday afternoon, she shows up at the end of the school day to help set up. By 4 o'clock, most of the other volunteers have arrived and there are about 20 of them in the gym, setting up booths for games and painting signs and organizing candy for the kids. Olivia is making rounds to check everyone's progress when a muscular arm wraps around her waist and pulls her into a quick half-hug.

"Detective Stabler, reporting for duty," Elliot says as he releases Olivia, who is trying her very hardest not to blush. This is no big deal, really, it should be no big deal to be normal around Elliot. So why the hell was her stomach doing somersaults?

"You got off of work early," Olivia says, smiling slightly at Elliot. "I hope you didn't use me as an excuse to leave again." Elliot chuckles and shakes his head.

"That doesn't work anymore," he informs her. "The guys think you're too nice, and they told my captain so too. It was a slow day, and you know, I had to pick up my kids." He nods across the gym, where Luke, Lizzie, and Dickie are throwing fake spiders at each other.

"I told you I could drop them off afterward!" Olivia says, shoving him lightly. Elliot's grin widens.

"Oh, did you? I forgot, sorry."

"You're impossible," Olivia says, rolling her eyes. Elliot chuckles again, his eyes flicking over Olivia's face. He bites down on his bottom lip slightly and Olivia's stomach does a quick herkie.

"I have some decorations from last year's precinct Halloween party in my car," Elliot says. "You wanna go help me grab them?"

"I should probably stay," Olivia says. She realizes that her reply might have been too quick as Elliot looks at her strangely. "To supervise, you know. But I'll send the boys over okay?"

"Sure," Elliot says. His eyebrows knit together a bit as Olivia hustles away, her stomach still doing backflips.

•

Elliot notices that Olivia is acting a bit strangely. She hustles to get away from him quite quickly, but he decides that this is because of the nature of their interaction on Saturday. However, he wanted to assure that he wasn't going to hold anything against her and that she didn't have a reason to be embarrassed. If anything, the experience had only reassured him of his steadily growing feelings for her, and now he felt fairly confident that he wanted to let her know what he had been feeling and to be with her if possible; to make sure that no one else got the opportunity to hurt her again, to help paint over her memories of the past, at the very least to treat her _well_ because that was what she deserved and that was something he could give.

It takes him awhile to get the chance to approach her again. She is kneeling on the gym floor in the back corner, making touch-ups on the banner they had made to hang up outside of the school tomorrow night. Elliot heads over when he notices that she's relatively alone, kneeling down beside her with a bit of a grunt.

"It gets harder to get down on the ground every year," he says, making her look up. She offers him a small smile before looking back down at the banner, where she's outlining a ghost with black paint.

"I understand," she says, carefully dipping her brush back into the paint. She falls quiet after this, not looking back over at Elliot. He clears his throat, watching her and trying again to spark a bit of conversation.

"So, are you going to tell me what your costumes are this year?" he prods. Olivia chuckles lightly now, shaking her head slightly.

"Nope," she says. "It's always a secret."

"I know," Elliot says, huffing a little. "And it always blows my family's costumes out of the water. You could at least give me a heads up."

"Well it's not a competition," Olivia muses. Her brush hand freezes and she looks up at Elliot. "That would have been a good idea, wouldn't it? A costume competition? Ah, it's too late now, but the kids would have loved that."

"You're only saying that because you would have won," Elliot says, and Olivia laughs again. This laugh is more relaxed, and it makes him smile. "There's always next year." Olivia snorts at this.

"No way," she says, shaking her head and moving on to add details to an outline of a bat. Elliot watches as she carefully makes eyes and then small fangs. "There's no next year. We've been doing this for about two weeks and I'm already exhausted."

"You're good at it, though," Elliot says. "I mean, honestly. The planning, the getting donations, even the painting. You're a good president. And a good mom, really. I mean, come on, you work full time, you cook every night, take Luke to all those little league games in the spring and swim meets in the summer, and you have a baby at home. I mean, it's really hard trying to measure up to you."

"Oh please," Olivia says, but her cheeks are colored pink now. "I'm really not all that great. I mean, I'm trying my best, of course. I'm just trying to give my kids what they deserve."

"You do," Elliot says. Olivia glances back up briefly and smiles slightly. "You do that and more."

"Well thank you," she says. "It's nice to hear." She pauses before adding: "I did consider signing Luke up for camp this year though."

"Ah," Elliot says, chuckling. He watches her for a second, her steady hand moving across the paper. "But I wonder, if you're doing all that, when you manage to find the time to take care of yourself."

The blush on Olivia's cheeks intensifies and she shakes her head slightly, shrugging as she sets her paintbrush down and sits back to look over the banner.

"I make it work," she says, not looking back up. Elliot watches her for a moment, nerves flooding through him as he opens his mouth to take a leap of faith he'd been planning out since this weekend.

"Well, you know, if you ever wanted to just have a chance to relax a little, we could take the kids out together," he says slowly. Olivia raises her eyes to his as he continues. "I mean we could do Chuck-E-Cheese, and they could run around for a little while. We'd have two sets of eyes. I mean, what about this weekend? Are you free Saturday?"

If it's possible, Olivia's cheeks seem to darken yet another shade. She rocks backward and manages to stand, holding out her hand to help Elliot up after.

"I'm actually supposed to be going out with Brian this weekend," she says slowly, her eyes running over Elliot's face quickly. He tries his hardest to mask his surprise and the way his gut wrenches slightly when she says this.

"Oh," Elliot says. "So, you're going out again then?"

"Yeah," Olivia says softly, nodding slightly. "I really just wanted to make last time up to him. I mean, our date was not supposed to end up at your place."

"Right, right," Elliot says slowly. He didn't know why he'd been so sure that "Brian and Olivia" were over, so sure that he'd have a clear path to start spending more time with Olivia. But, he guessed that Fin had been right: this had been his doing, and if they ended up together for good, it would be due to his party. "You do, um, you do like him then?"

"Yeah, of course," Olivia says. "He's a really nice guy. I mean, last time, I just let my nerves get to me, and I made such a bad impression, I was afraid he'd just never want to talk to me again."

"I'm sure you didn't," Elliot says, a bit more reserved now. Olivia has noticed this change and she wraps her arms around her waist, looking apologetic. "But alright. I'm glad that you two like each other, that's really good."

"Yeah," Olivia says, her voice quiet. Elliot nods slowly and Olivia flicks her eyes downward. "But I am busy this weekend."

"Maybe another time then," Elliot finishes a bit awkwardly. He can't stand here, just looking at her, his heartbeat increasing, his stomach quaking. Olivia nods slightly, and he exhales slowly, checking his watch. "I should really be getting the kids home. Do you mind?"

"No, of course not," Olivia says, shaking her head. "You've had a long day, I'm sure. I'll see you tomorrow."

Elliot takes a step in to give her quick hug, like he has been doing recently, but then thinks better of it and just offers a jerky nod back before turning to find Lizzie and Dickie.

"See you tomorrow."

•

Getting out of the house on Halloween is relatively easy for Elliot. Usually, he has to deal with all four kids, but it's just the twins this year. Maureen was staying with her Kathy's, and he was almost sure this was because she had wanted to go to a party without having an early curfew. Kathleen had decided to opt out of the haunted house experience and was spending the night at her friend's house. So, after Kathy drops the kids off at the station, all they have to do it go back to Elliot's to change and eat a quick dinner before heading to the school.

Olivia was a spectacular decorator. Elliot is made aware of this as soon as they step into the school. The main events are in the gym, but even the hallway leading up to it is decorated with cobwebs and spiders and the lights have been somehow dimmed to give it a sort of "spooky" vibe. He chuckles to himself as he looks around, looking down at his son, who is pouting.

"Olivia did a good job, huh?" he says. Dickie looks up at him and sighs.

"She always does a good job at this kind of stuff," he says as they head down the hallway. "Luke's costume is going to be better than mine."

"It's not a competition," Elliot says, but Dickie just sighs harder. Elliot nods at Lizzie. "And you guys' costumes are great. You're 'Men in Black' and you're twins. It's 'Twin in Black!'"

Dickie groan, lowering his shades as they turn the corner. Elliot smiles as soon as Olivia comes into his line of sight, sitting at the ticket table in front of the gym doors. Last night had been awkward, and he had rushed out as quickly as possible. After he'd gotten home, he'd told himself that he could let go of the idea of pursuing her, or that he could at least wait to see if she and Brian developed into anything serious. But a crush was a crush, and even just seeing her now made the night a little better. He runs his eyes over her red wig and baby tee featuring Spiderman. She looks fantastic, to be honest.

"Mary Jane," Elliot says as he approaches the table. Olivia smiles at him, waving at his kids quickly.

"And Aunt May," she says, nodding to Grace in her lap, who's in a white wig and green sweater. Elliot chuckles as she coos, seeming to recognize him. "Dickie and Liz, you guys look fantastic. Men in Black?"

"Twins in Black," Lizzie corrects and Olivia chuckles, nodding. Dickie nods slightly, making a half-hearted pose with his Noisy Cricket.

"So that means that Luke is…" Elliot begins, his eyebrows folding. Dickie is never going to let him hear the end of this.

"Spider-Man!" Luke announces, popping out of the gym in a spectacular costume. He pulls up his mask and grins at Dickie, who looks a little sour.

"Be careful running around in that," Olivia warns, grabbing the roll of tickets. Elliot pulls out a ten and they trade. She addresses him with this next statement, rolling her eyes. "It took me the better part of 3 months to make it."

"Make it?" Elliot says stunned, glancing at Luke once more. He hands Dickie the tickets. "You guys can run in, I'm gonna help out here." Dickie trudges ahead a few steps and Luke, noticing his friend's depleted mood, carefully removes his mask and passes it to the blonde.

"Here, you can wear it for a little while," he says. "Come on." This makes Dickie grin and he pulls on the mask before running into the gym with his sister and Luke. Elliot smiles a little at Olivia before moving around the table to sit in the empty chair next to her.

"You could have at least given me a heads up," he says and Olivia chuckles, shaking her head. "I mean, really, this is what I was talking about. I've just been out-parented, for about the thousandth time this year."

"Oh, come on," Olivia says, shaking her head as Grace wiggles in her lap, now reaching for Elliot. She passes Grace over carefully. "See, Grace prefers you." Elliot smiles down at the baby getting comfortable in his lap, patting her back gently.

"Your costumes are all great," Elliot says, nodding at Olivia outfit and running his eyes over her once more. She smiles a bit bashfully, flicking her eyes away a bit nervously. Another couple of kids and their parents walk up and she tends to them quickly, as cheery as ever. Elliot watches as she does so, a small smile on his lips. When they walk in the gym, Olivia tucks the money into the safe, addressing Elliot.

"Well, I do love your kids' costumes, and their props," she says before looking over at Elliot, a playful glint in her eye. "You, on the other hand, got a little lazy. A cop?" Elliot glances down at his own outfit before looking back at Olivia, grinning.

"What?" he says, feigning shock. Olivia rolls her eyes and his grin widens. "Oh, you think that's what I actually do. No, you see, I'm a detective, so it's different. Easy mistake."

"Oh," Olivia says sarcastically. "I see, my mistake. I do see now that this shirt is _way_ too tight for you to actually work in."

"No good?" Elliot asks, grinning sheepishly. He flexes one arm and although Olivia knows they're joking, her heart still leaps a little. "I was just trying to show off my best assets."

"Oh my god," Olivia says. "You're so sad." But she's giggling now, a despite herself, and this makes Elliot laugh too, then eventually, Grace starts "heehee"-ing in his lap just because everyone else is laughing, and then they're all cracking up. Elliot wipes his eyes, shaking his head.

"I think I look pretty good," he says, still chuckling softly.

"You look okay," Olivia concedes. "But that shirt doesn't show off your _best_ assets."

"No?" Elliot says, his eyes glinting playfully. He leans in a little bit, watching Olivia. "Then tell me what my best asset really is."

"Well…" Olivia begins, but a few more families round the corner, heading to their table. It seems that a wave of people are now coming in, and Olivia and Elliot have to tend to them together, but in the back of his mind, Elliot is dying to know what Olivia had been about to say. Unfortunately, the line for tickets only grows. It takes a good amount of time for it to slow down, thirty minutes at least. As soon as it does, Elliot turns to Olivia, raising his eyebrows.

"So, you were saying?" he says. But before Olivia can respond, Renee sticks her head out of the gym, looking a bit frazzled.

"Olivia," she calls, making Olivia turn to look at her. "One of the kids went through the haunted house section and he got so scared that he started sobbing. His mom is asking for a refund."

"What?" Olivia asks, standing up. "It's a _haunted_ house."

"I know," Renee says. "You'll come talk to her then?"

"Yeah, sure," Olivia says. She flicks her eyes at Elliot apologetically before reaching for her daughter. "Babies make you seem sympathetic, right? Can you handle everything up here?"

"Of course," Elliot says, nodding slightly, but slightly disappointed that she was being pulled away, and more than slightly upset that their conversation had been interrupted twice now. "See you in a bit."

But Olivia must get distracted because she doesn't come back to the table and somehow Elliot gets stuck there for the better part of the night. The ticket sales slowly ebb, and of course, Jeanine comes to relieve Elliot just as he gives tickets to who he's fairly confident is the last person planning to come tonight, given the event is supposed to be over at 9 and it's already 8:45.

Elliot makes his way into the gym after Jeanine settles in, looking around the large room. There must be a couple of fog machines because the room is awfully hazy. It's lit with orange and purple lights and he's pretty sure "Monster Mash" is playing, although it's hard to hear over the excited kids talking in the room. Elliot's eyes scan the room and he quickly finds his two children and Luke ducking into the crowd. Then, thankfully, he spots Olivia, standing at a game table near the tarp that the divides the other half of the gym and the haunted house.

He walks over, and Olivia smiles a bit when she sees him, but then her eyebrows shoot up in concern.

"I abandoned you," she says, her voice a little louder than usual so Elliot can hear her. He moves to stand closer to her, rolling his eyes playfully.

"You did," he says, before offering a sly smile. "It's alright though. Where's Grace?"

"Renee and some of the other moms wanted a chance to play with her," Olivia says, nodding at the dance floor. Elliot follows her gaze and grins as he sees Grace and another baby bobbing to the music in the center of the floor. "She's currently showing them all of best dance moves."

"She looks great out there," Elliot muses. He glances back at Olivia, who's watching her daughter with one of those proud smiles that only come from mothers. This makes him smile at her, wondering how she can look so amazing under Halloween colored lights. It takes him a second to remember why he had gone looking for her but when he remembers, he nudges her gently. "Can I steal you for a second?"

"Sure," Olivia says, motioning to the empty gallon bag sitting on her table. "I'm out of candy anyway."

"Great," Elliot says, shocking himself and Olivia as he grabs Olivia's hand, leading her into the back corner of the gym, and ducking under one of the sheets that had been hung up in the corner. Moving had given them a bit more privacy, and it was easier to hear, but there wasn't much space in this corner, so they had to stand close, facing each other. It's a bit dim and so it's hard to tell, but Elliot thinks Olivia might have been blushing. "Alright, finally."

"Finally?" Olivia asks a bit timidly. She had planned to _distance_ herself from Elliot, and now she was standing not more than two inches away from him, her heart beating rapidly. She's close enough to smell his aftershave, and the smell takes her back to Saturday morning; to being half awake with his arm draped around her and she has to swallow to bring herself back.

Elliot only smiles.

"My best asset?" he reminds. Olivia lets out a bit of a nervous laugh and nods her head slightly. Talking will help ease her nerves and the moment will pass. She knows it'll pass.

"Oh," she says, shaking her head slightly. "Well, these aren't my words."

"No?" Elliot encourages.

" _But,_ I've been told by a certain PTA chairperson that your best asset is your 'tight little bum.'"

Olivia says this slyly, her eyes glinting in the dim light. Elliot lets out a throaty chuckle and she giggles back.

"Honestly?" he asks and Olivia nods, trying, but failing, to pull a straight face.

"I promise," she says with a giggle. "She said it in a phone conference, after saying that she was so glad that you were vice-president. You're lucky she's married, otherwise, I'm sure she'd go after you."

"Huh," Elliot says, pretending to think about this. "She's not so bad herself. Maybe I can steal her away."

"Shut up," Olivia chides, slapping Elliot's chest lightly. It's very firm.

"Kidding," Elliot says, breaking out into a grin. He looks at Olivia, his gaze intense. Olivia thinks goosebumps pop up all over her forearms at this moment. "I'm not interested in Jeanine."

"No?" Olivia says, raising her eyebrows.

"No," Elliot confirms. He continues looking at her and something makes the casual air fall away. They've gotten closer, somehow, Olivia's body brushing against Elliot's. "Not Jeanine."

"Well good," Olivia breathes. "I don't know if I could be friends with a homewrecker."

This catches Elliot off guard and breaks a bit of the tension. He laughs and Olivia chuckles as well. She rolls her eyes at him a bit and begins to back away and step out from the sheet, but Elliot grasps her hand again, pulling her back carefully and making her freeze.

"Wait," he says. "What do you think my best asset is?"

Olivia is about to come back with another witty joke, but his thumb strokes the back of her hand and she's temporarily stunned. Her words freeze in her throat and suddenly all of her thoughts fly out of her head. She forgets Jonathan and Brian and the risk and the decision she'd made and her fear. All she can do is look at Elliot's blue eyes, and his mouth, upturned in a half-grin, and his well-defined chest, almost pressing against hers.

Elliot feels the moment too. His mind is reeling, and it feels like he's noticing for the first time all over again that Olivia can be very cute and very enticing and that her humor is irresistible. He stops caring about Brian for just a second, stops worrying as his brain is hijacked by Olivia and that damn red wig.

Elliot leans in slightly just as the lights flick back on. And then just like that, the trance is broken, and Olivia is giggling nervously and stepping out from under the sheets with him, saying that they should start cleaning up. But Elliot doesn't even hear her instructions because he's too busy kicking himself for not moving just a little faster.

 _Almost._


	8. Lunch with Elliot

AN: Hi guys! Hopefully you all think this is a quick enough update. I did cut this chapter kind of in the middle of where I had originally planned to finish so I could get something out for you all to read, so it is a little shorter, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. This is more Elliot/Olivia focused, so that should be fun; leave your thoughts in a review please. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 7 – Lunch with Elliot.

Olivia has to regroup after Halloween night. Her strategy to distance herself from Elliot had not gone exactly as planned. Instead, she'd ended up in the corner of a dim room, focused on his steely eyes, trying to catch her breath and almost hoping that he would make a move.

Luckily, the lights had come on before she had embarrassed herself. In all honesty, she had wondered before if she had been truly alone in her slowly developing feelings, but Elliot had never done anything to suggest differently. He was friendly of course, invited her to hang out and all, but she was sure he was just being a good friend. It was probably best that she didn't mess that up.

She had gone out with Brian that Saturday and it went rather well. Like he'd promised, they saw a movie, no alcohol involved, and ended up grabbing pizza for dinner at a small shop near the theatre afterward. It had been a pretty scary movie and although Olivia usually had good nerves, she jumped a few times before Brian had just put his armrest up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, letting her wiggle towards him. Sitting close to him felt a little different than what she was used to. There were first date nerves in the air, and it seemed almost like Brian was holding his breath. Olivia couldn't relax all the way into him, but she couldn't figure out why that bugged her so much. She had exhaled, trying to shed some of her anxiousness, glancing up at Brian. He'd combed back his hair for the date, and Olivia could tell that he'd used some kind of gel. She chuckled slightly, making him glance down and offer a quick smile. He really was a sweet guy.

When he'd dropped her off that night, he'd smiled shyly at Olivia, nodding awkwardly.

"I had a really good time tonight," he said, making Olivia smile back.

"Me too," she said. This was true. She'd had the opportunity to relax for the first time in a while. It had been nice.

"Maybe we can do it again soon?" Brian suggests, sounding a little nervous. Olivia's smile widens, and she nods.

"Sure," she says. There's a small pause, a little awkward, but not in a horrible way.

"Um," Brian starts. Tentatively, he raises a hand, letting it rest on Olivia's shoulder and she lets out a short laugh, stepping in and standing on her toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. When they pull apart, Brian is blushing deeply.

"I'll see you around. okay?" she says, still smiling. Brian had nodded, a goofy grin on his face, not even moving as she disappeared into the apartment.

That date had helped to take her brain off of Elliot, at least for a few hours. For the next week, she's able to avoid seeing him, which works out well for her. The kids are staying with Kathy, and so she doesn't have to stop by his apartment for any reason. However, on Wednesday night, she does have to call him to go over the agenda for the next PTA meeting. It was supposed to be last week, but with Halloween and all, they'd moved it to this week just to space the events out for parents. The first time she tries to call him is on her lunch break at work. The phone rings and rings, and eventually she gets his voicemail. She just hangs up that first time, but by that night, after 2 more phone calls, she leaves a short message asking him to call her when he gets a chance.

She only begins to worry on Thursday after lunch. She'd tried to call again, both his work and his home number. She knows that he's a very busy person, but he's usually pretty good about answering the phone, or at least calling her back. At the end of the day, she sits in her car, exhaling and trying to figure out what to do. She could stop by his job, but she didn't want to make an appearance in a police station just to check that Elliot would be able to make it to a PTA meeting. She could also call Kathy. That seems like her best bet, but then she thought back to Elliot's birthday party and Kathy asking if she and Elliot had something going on. She didn't want to do anything to intensify her suspicions.

So, sighing, Olivia decides to call the 16th precinct one more time. She's not expecting an answer, and so she jumps a little when the phone clicks and someone responds.

"Special Victims Unit, Detective John Munch speaking," says Munch. Oliva exhales gratefully and relaxes in her seat a little.

"Hi John," she says. "This is Olivia Benson, from the PTA? Is Elliot around?"

"Hi Olivia," John says, his voice warming. "Elliot's been in and out for the last couple of days, he's working on a tough case right now. Do you want me to leave him a message?"

"Oh, no, no, that's okay," Olivia says. "Thanks."

"Sure," John says. "I'll just let him know you called."

"No," Olivia says, shaking her head. "Um, it's okay, it was nothing important and I don't want him to worry. Thank you, though. Bye."

She hangs up after this, able to let out a sigh of relief. It seemed like the case Elliot was working on was important, but he was at least safe. She hadn't realized that she was so worried until now, as her breathing returns to normal. She sniffs and shakes her head, starting her car before going to pick her son up from school.

•

On Thursday night, Olivia ends up leading the PTA meeting without Elliot. It's not too hard or anything, but she misses his company, his jokes, the looks she knew he would throw her when a couple of parents voiced their dislike for the Halloween event. But for the most part, the majority seemed to enjoy the haunted house and Olivia leaves feeling pretty positive about the way the rest of the year will go.

By Friday, she still hadn't heard from Elliot. She wished that she was okay with that. After all, she had decided just last week that she wanted to distance herself from him, and now here she was, hoping that he would call, just like a teenager. Maybe over the years, she had just gotten used to seeing his face, hearing his voice. She was beginning to think about him more and more as the day went on, and every time the phone rang her stomach leapt a little.

She's chastising herself now. It's about 11 am and she hadn't really done any work yet. She felt more than a little distracted, and she's just about to go take a quick walk around the building to straighten her head out when there's a knock on her door.

"Come in," she says. For some reason, her stomach flip-flops. The door opens and then just like that, there he is. Elliot, dressed in a button down and slacks, his gun still on his hip. He smiles when his eyes meet Olivia's, and reflexively, she smiles back. She stands as he makes his way into the office, heading behind her desk and wrapping an arm around her in a quick hug, pressing his lips to her temple. This makes her entire body flutter, the butterflies escaping her stomach, and when he pulls back, she has to look away to keep herself from blushing.

"Hey," he says finally, grinning and sitting at the chair in front of her desk. "Your office is impossible to find, you know. You're tucked away in the back corner; you haven't asked to be moved anywhere nicer?"

"Well, most of this building is set up with areas for the clients," Olivia says, shaking her head and brushing off Elliot, who has that stupid, playful grin on. "Okay, but what are you doing here?"

"I had to come apologize," Elliot says, his voice becoming impossibly sincere. "I know we were supposed to run that meeting together, and I didn't even get a chance to pick up a phone and call. I haven't even been home for more than a couple of minutes in the past few days. I did just get a cell phone, but I'm still trying to figure out the thing."

"It's alright," Olivia says, nodding quickly. She can't help but smile at how sincere he looks. "Everything went well, the haunted house got a mostly positive response. You could have just called when you got a chance though, you didn't have to come all the way down here."

"Well, our case is at a sort-of standstill right now," Elliot explains. "My captain told me to go out, get something to eat, and go home to nap if I could."

"And you came here," Olivia says, her voice softening. She runs her eyes over his face, pausing at the bags under his eyes. "Elliot, I really do appreciate you coming, but you should go home. I mean, you must be exhausted." Elliot shakes his head.

"Well, I wanted to take you to lunch," he says. "Make up my absence. I mean, unless you have other plans?" He raises his eyebrows slightly, and that same little voice that wonders if he had ever thought about Olivia in a more than friendly way asks if this is his way of asking if she's going out with Brian today.

"I don't," Olivia says slowly. Truthfully, she is the type to choke down a salad at her desk and keep working. If she ever has time to take a break, she'll usually go for a run to calm her nerves and then find the time to eat later. "But are you sure you want to go out?" Elliot's smile only widens.

"Positive."

•

Olivia recommends a sandwich shop around the corner and so that's where they go to eat. When they walk in, they're led to the only open seat – a corner booth in the back. Olivia doesn't realize how hungry she is until her sandwich gets sat down in front of her. Elliot watches as she takes a large bite, his smile slowly widening. He nudges her gently.

"When's the last time you ate?" he says, almost sounding concerned. Olivia rolls her eyes, setting her sandwich half down as she chews.

"I had dinner last night," she says through her food. Elliot pulls a face and chuckles, taking a bite of his own sandwich. Olivia sticks her tongue out before taking a bite of her pickle. She hums happily, satisfied, and Elliot wrinkles his nose.

"You like pickles?" he asks after swallowing. Olivia nods a little, taking another bite.

"Yeah," she confirms. "When I was pregnant with Luke, all I wanted was pickles and cheese. Jonathan thought I was out of my mind."

The mention of Jonathan makes Elliot's stomach feel like it's folding in on itself. He glances down, trying to subdue the rush of anger that rolls through his body. After clenching his fist at his side, he forces himself to continue the conversation.

"Well, when I was pregnant with the twins, all I wanted was astronaut ice cream," he says. Olivia coughs on her water, nearly spitting it all out over the table. Elliot manages to grin as he looks up at her. "What, is that not normal?"

"You're not normal," Olivia says, still chuckling as she wipes her mouth. She looks back at Elliot, watching as he takes a bite out of his sandwich and sighing a bit. "You know, if you have to go back to work after this, a meatball sub probably wasn't the best choice."

"Why not?" Elliot asks, his voice muffled by his full mouth. Olivia rolls her eyes and wipes his chin with another napkin.

"You're gonna get it all over your shirt!" she says. "And you had the nerve to insinuate that _I_ was the messy one."

"I think this was an amazing choice," Elliot says, licking his fingers before going in for another bite. Another dribble of marinara sauce rolls down his chin and Olivia lets out a small noise of protest. Before she can really think about it, she leans in, her tongue darting out at his chin and catching the sauce before it falls on his shirt. Her cheeks redden after this, especially after she notices Elliot watching her. She wipes her own mouth and shakes her head before going back to her own ham and cheese.

"You're on your own from now on," she says, shaking her head. But Elliot is still watching her curiously, and this only makes the warmth rise on her cheeks. It seems like suddenly, she's very aware of their proximity, of the arm Elliot had draped across the back of the booth, and of his tongue darting out over his bottom lip. She quickly racks her brain for another topic of conversation.

"What case are you working on?" she asks. Elliot pauses, as if he's debating whether to even answer, but eventually he shakes his head, dropping the arm that had been behind Olivia's back so that he can grab a napkin and wipe his mouth.

"It's not really something to discuss over lunch," he says shortly. Olivia notices his demeanor change a little. She feels a bit guilty and she sets her sandwich down as she chews the bite she'd just taken. After swallowing, she reaches over, sliding her hand over to rest on Elliot's knee, squeezing gently.

"Are you sure?" she asks. "I mean, I know I'm not a detective or anything, but it's probably good that you talk to someone else right? I mean, I don't know, did you…talk to Kathy before everything?" Elliot lets out a short bark of laughter, shaking his head. He pauses for a moment before speaking again.

"When we first separated, she said she was tired of me being angry all the time," he says slowly. "Tell me, with a job like mine, how couldn't I be angry?"

Olivia watches him after this. She thinks about him wrapping his arms around her in her kitchen. Thinks about him sitting on her couch late at night after he and Kathy had that first huge argument, tears rolling down his cheeks that she pretended not to notice. Thinks about how his eyes had flashed when he asked if Jonathan hit her, about how he swore that he would have protected her if he had known. And then she thinks about Jonathan, about his foot against her ribs. She inhales sharply, letting her eyes close for a brief moment.

She wonders if she is crazy, or if Kathy and she just have very different definitions of anger.

Her eyes open and she rubs Elliot's leg gently, getting him to look back at her.

"I'm sorry," she says softly. Elliot sees the look in her eyes, impossibly gentle, ridiculously concerned. He nods slightly and squeezes her hand.

"It's okay," he assures. She pulls her hand back and they both take a couple more bites of their food. He glances over at her as she eats, eventually smiling. She feels his eyes on her and looks back at him, cracking a smile.

"What?" she says exasperatedly. Elliot chuckles and shakes his head, looking back at his food.

"Nothing," he says slyly. Olivia bumps his shoulder with hers. When he looks at her again, she sticks her tongue out a second time, crossing her eyes. This makes him laugh and he slides his free arm back above her shoulders, silently encouraging her to move closer. Olivia doesn't want to recognize that this feels comfortable, much more comfortable than she had on Saturday at the movie theatre. She doesn't want to realize that she could feel herself relaxing with Elliot, as she always did. So, she pushes the thought to the back of her mind, doing her best to ignore it.

"You're ridiculous, you know," he chides. Olivia chuckles softly, reaching over and taking one of Elliot's fries, ignoring her own chips. "And a thief. I could arrest you for that."

"Oh, you could?" Olivia says. She takes another fry as she talks, ignoring Elliot's protests. "I'm sure I could get out. You know, I am seeing a police officer."

For just half a second, Elliot smiles, the tips of his ears reddening. But then something clicks, and he clears his throat, his voice now edged with forced casualness.

"Right," he says. "How did your date go?"

"It was nice," Olivia says, sitting back a bit and watching his face curiously. Elliot did a pretty good job of keeping a blank expression, though. "We just saw a movie, got some pizza."

"You going out again?" Elliot asks. Again, Olivia can hear the effort to stay casual in his voice. She raises her eyebrows slightly, tilting her head.

"I think so," she asks. "Why, did you hear differently?" Elliot chuckles, shaking his head and popping a fry into his mouth. He chews slowly, but there is no way to make his next question sound casual.

"Did you kiss him?" he asks and Olivia coughs for the second time that night, laughing. She nudges Elliot again, crossing her legs.

"Da-ad," she teases, shaking her head slightly. "That's private."

"Well, I just wanted to make sure he treated you like you deserve to be treated," Elliot insists. Their waiter comes by to fill their drinks and drop the receipt. "You don't have to answer."

Olivia rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

"Thank you," she says, glancing up. She pauses after this, focused on something near the door. Elliot glances at her, then his eyes follow hers to the door, pausing on a blonde teen standing at the door with a group of kids. A boy with shaggy black hair has his arm draped over her shoulder.

"That isn't…" he starts, but Olivia is already reaching to stop him from getting up. "Olivia is that Kathleen?"

"Elliot," Olivia warns, pushing back against his chest, which she knows is futile really, but it slows him down slightly. "Elliot, don't freak out."

"I'm not gonna freak out," Elliot says, pushing past Olivia to get out of the booth and stand. He glances at the receipt briefly before grabbing a few bills from his wallet and setting them down quickly. Olivia stands hastily. "I'm just gonna go over there and calmly ask her _what the hell she's doing at a sandwich shop in the middle of the school day._ "

"El," Olivia warns again, but he's already striding across the restaurant and Olivia is forced to follow him to the front.

"Kathleen Louise Stabler," Elliot booms. Olivia sees Kathleen freeze up and then quickly push the guy she's standing next to off of her. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Dad," Kathleen mutters, her cheeks flaming. Her friends have quickly decided to distance themselves from her before Elliot can recognize any of them, making beelines for the bathroom.

" _Dad_ nothing, what are you doing here?" he asks heatedly, his voice continuing to raise. He doesn't give her a chance to reply as he shakes his head, jerking his head towards the door. "Outside. _Now."_

Kathleen follows her dad outside, her shoulders slumping. Olivia does notice that Kathleen's eyes hover on her for just a second though, and she follows them out awkwardly, ready to give Elliot a quick goodbye.

"I can't believe you're skipping school," Elliot is saying. "You know you need to keep your grades up to get into prep school next year and _this_ can't be helping."

"That was so embarrassing!" Kathleen yelps, her face beet red. Olivia's heart surges, but she knows better than to try and argue against Elliot, at least not in front of his daughter. She begins to tap him to tell him that she's leaving, but then his cellphone rings in his pocket and he exhales before pressing the answer button and raising it to his ear.

"Stabler," he answers. He's quiet for a moment as the person on the other end of the line talks and then he says. "Alright, I'm on the way." He slides his phone back in his pocket, glancing at Olivia helplessly then back at Kathleen.

"I have to get back to work," he says. Kathleen looks hopeful for just a second but then his eyebrows come down and he nods at her. "Come on, I'll drop you off on the way."

"What?" Kathleen says. "No, Dad, I'll walk; I promise I'll go back."

"Yeah, that means a lot to me right now," Elliot says, shaking his head. "Come on." Olivia glances at Kathleen's hopeless face, and then before she can think, she hears her own voice speaking up.

"I can take her."

Elliot turns back to look at Olivia and he shakes his head slightly, but she continues.

"The middle school is a lot closer to my building than it is to yours. My car is in the lot down the street. It'll take no more than 10 minutes." Elliot sighs, looking between his daughter and Olivia, then glancing at his watch.

"Okay," he says eventually. He looks at his daughter, who is staring at the sidewalk. "Kathleen, we'll talk later." She murmurs something in response and Elliot exhales, pulling Olivia into a quick hug and whispering "You call me if anything goes wrong."

"We'll be fine," Olivia says, rolling her eyes a bit. She pecks his cheek. "Thank you for lunch."

"My pleasure," Elliot says, managing to smile a little. He shoots another intense look in Kathleen's direction before crossing the street and heading towards the car.

Once he's out of their line of sight, Olivia looks at Kathleen, who is refusing to make eye contact.

"Alright," she says. "Let's go."


	9. Olivia and Kathleen

AN: Hey again! As you all may have noticed, I had been avoiding Kathleen in previous chapters, just because I feel like she'd be the hardest Stabler for Olivia to win over (aside from Kathy maybe), but to make up for that, this chapter is centered on her and Olivia's developing relationship. I also wanted to tell you guys thank you for your reviews; seeing you all's blatant disregard for Brian really makes me laugh, and I promise he won't be around for too much longer. Alright, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter (it's another shorter one), read and review, please!

Chapter 8 – Olivia and Kathleen

The walk to Olivia's car is quiet. Kathleen trudges along behind her on the sidewalk, leaving Olivia to glance back at her every now and then. It had not always been like this. Back when Luke and Dickie had first met, Kathleen had been at the same school, and she used to go over to Olivia's house with her younger siblings at the end of the day. Olivia had always been a cool mom, and one of the ones who didn't have to _try_ to get kids to like her. Maybe it was how she never yelled, or how she insisted on being called by her first name, or just how she made everyone she talked to seem like the most important person in the world, child or adult. And it was funny, because, at work, she was sometimes called the "office bitch" because of the way she pushed people, and because of the lack of patience she had for those who gave little effort, but to all of Luke's friends and the other kids that knew her, Olivia was one of the best moms in the world.

Kathleen had been no exception. She liked Olivia, confided in her when she was confused about boys or worried about a test grade. She liked how when Olivia visited for the twins' birthday parties, she bought gifts for Kathleen and Maureen as well ("so they don't feel left out" she'd whispered to Kathleen's dad). Kathleen had liked how she was treated like an adult at the Rhodes household and it was Olivia who taught her how to make brownies and even how to French braid. But then she had moved to middle school, and then her parents had split. Kathleen had always taken more to her mother, and Olivia was a part of her dad's life, so she'd distanced herself from Olivia first, out of loyalty, and then she'd distanced herself from everyone else as she began to grow into a sullen and moody teenager. But Olivia remembered, the fourth-grade girl that had reminded her brother to wipe his mouth after eating, who had fixed her sister's hair bows, and who had loved to crack eggs for the brownie mix. She knew that Kathleen had grown up a little, had changed a little, but deep down inside, she was the same person. Olivia was sure of that.

Olivia unlocks her car as they walk up to it in the parking lot. Kathleen climbs in on the passenger's side and Olivia gets in on the driver's side, starting the car and turning the radio on. She doesn't say anything immediately and as she pulls out of the garage, the car is soundless except for Alanis Morrissett's voice in the background. Eventually, Olivia glances over, ready to speak up, but Kathleen beats her to it.

"You didn't have to take me back," she says shortly. Olivia's eyebrows raise, but she figures that she should have expected this, and so she tries not to take the harshness in Kathleen's voice personally.

"I know," she says. "I was trying to save you from your dad."

Kathleen hesitates after Olivia says this, as if she's trying to gauge Olivia's intentions. Eventually, she shrugs her shoulders slightly.

"He's not that bad," she says. "He's just annoyed because my grades are already low, and I'm not going to get into prep school unless I can finish this year with all As."

"Do you want to go to prep school?" Olivia asks. Kathleen shrugs again, still not looking at Olivia.

"Dunno," she says. "It doesn't matter. I have a C- in gym."

"Is that what you're skipping?" Olivia asks. No response. She's surprised by the level-headedness that Kathleen had displayed so far, though. She knew that she needed to go school to keep her grades up. She was a smart kid. It didn't make sense for her to risk getting in trouble with her dad for something so thoughtless. "Kathleen?"

"It doesn't matter," the younger girl says, shaking her head and turning to the window, apparently done with the conversation. Olivia glances at her, pursing her lips and then at looking around at her surroundings. She knew that Kathleen had more to say, she was just going to have to get it out of her.

"You didn't eat lunch, did you?" she asks, changing the subject. Kathleen looks over for the first time, eventually shaking her head. "Are you hungry?"

"Kind of," Kathleen says slowly. Olivia nods and changes lanes, making a turn and spotting a McDonald's.

"Ah," she says. "Perfect."

"Aren't you supposed to be taking me back to school?" Kathleen asks, a little wary now. Olivia nods as she finds a place to park on the street.

"I will," she says. "But I can't send you back hungry. C'mon."

She turns the car off and gets out, and after a second, Kathleen steps out onto the sidewalk, following Olivia into the restaurant.

•

"That's all you want to eat?" Olivia asks, nodding at the salad in front of Kathleen. They were sitting in a booth in the upstairs area. The store was full of people eating lunch, and they had been lucky to nab a seat. Kathleen shrugs a little, picking at a cherry tomato.

"Fast food isn't good for you," she says, taking a small bite of her food. She glances up at Olivia, motioning to her lack of food. "You're not eating it."

"Well, I just had lunch with your dad," Olivia says. "I might get a milkshake before we leave. You're right though. It's not great to eat fast food all the time, but it's okay every once in a while. I never take Luke to McDonald's, he'd be livid if he found out we were here now."

Kathleen chews, considering this. Eventually, she shrugs.

"Mom takes them sometimes. Luke and the twins," she says. "I think he keeps that a secret from you." Olivia laughs, surprised to hear this. Kathleen offers a half-smile.

"Wow," she says. "Well, I'd like to think that I'm not that harsh about it; maybe I should loosen up a little."

"Maybe," Kathleen says quietly, continuing to eat. Olivia pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to initiate a conversation about Kathleen missing school. Eventually, she decides to use a less than direct way in.

"So," she says, making Kathleen look back up at her. "Who was that boy you were with earlier?"

Kathleen's cheeks turn red. She shakes her head briefly, chewing on her bottom lip as she debates whether to speak up or not. She hadn't talked to mom about any of this yet, but only because she knew her mom would tell her to go for it, to ask him out. She wasn't quite sure she was ready for that. She glances up at Olivia, sees her curious gaze, and decides that maybe, she is the right person to tell.

"His name is David," she says slowly, pushing her salad around. "He's in my math class. I think he likes me, but I'm not sure."

"It looked like he did," Olivia says, tilting her head. "So, is that why you skipped gym?" She's making a guess at this point, about gym being the class that Kathleen had missed.

"No, I didn't even know he was coming until we were leaving already," Kathleen says. "I mean, I didn't want to go to gym anyway…" She pauses here, realizing she had been tricked. Olivia's eyebrows raise, prodding her to continue, but she doesn't know if she should. She hadn't confided in either one of her parents in a long time, although that wasn't necessarily their fault. They were both working now, and when Kathleen did get a minute to sit down with them, after a long day at school, she didn't always feel like talking. But the thing about never talking to anyone, especially as a teenager, was that you needed advice sometimes. And she had been confused, and sometimes sad, and other times angry, and holding all that in was hard. It was getting to the point that it made her feel like she was going to burst. So, looking at Olivia in front of her, she felt the need to share. It wasn't like Olivia would tell her parents anything she said, either. She wasn't that type.

"We're doing gymnastics in gym," Kathleen finally says. "I'm horrible. I can't do rolls, or cartwheels, or the rings, or the rope climb, or even walk on the balance beam without falling. Last week, I fell in the middle of climbing the rope and everyone saw. It was the most embarrassing thing in the world."

"Oh Kathleen," Olivia says, tilting her head. "It's okay to not be good at something. This unit won't last forever."

"It feels like it," Kathleen says sullenly. "All of my friends got the hang of it and they love it. They already know how to do cartwheels from cheerleading. They'll probably be on the high school team."

"Did you talk to your mom?" Olivia says, trying to think back to what Elliot had told her about their high school experience. "She was a cheerleader, right? If it's really bothering you, I'm sure she could help you practice."

"She was a cheerleader," Kathleen says. "And so was Maureen. And Dickie is going to play football as soon as he gets to middle school, just like dad. Lizzie swims and will probably be a cheerleader too. I was on the soccer team last year, but I got cut this fall. I'm the only one in the family who's a total klutz."

"Different people are good at different things," Olivia says. "You still like art, don't you? Drawing and painting and all?"

"Yeah," Kathleen says, nodding a bit.

"So that's something you're good at that no one else is," Olivia says. "I know for a fact that your father is just about the worst artist in the world. And he doesn't care if you don't enjoy gym class. He brags about you just as much as he brags about your brother and sisters."

"No way," Kathleen says, but Olivia shakes her head.

"I promise," she says. "And in terms of gym class, it's not worth the hassle of skipping. Every eighth-grader is so worried about what everyone else thinks of them that they don't even have time to remember what embarrassing thing someone else did. I mean, has anyone else ever fallen in your class?"

"Um," Kathleen says, thinking back. "I think Ashley fell in the middle of her cartwheel once."

"And how often do you think about that?" Olivia asks gently. Kathleen shrugs and then shakes her head.

"I forgot it happened," she admits. She's quiet for a moment after this, pushing her salad around. "Maybe you're right."

"Maybe," Olivia muses. "Hey, Kathleen?"

"Yeah?"

"You should talk to your parents," she says. Kathleen sighs. "Really. About gym class, and about everything else. I mean, that's what they're there for. To help you out with all this stuff. It's not like you can grow up alone."

"I guess," Kathleen says. She pushes her salad to the side and Olivia smiles a little.

"Are you done?" she asks. Kathleen nods and they stand.

"Alright," she says. "I'm gonna order that shake, I think. Then we can go."

"Uh, Olivia?" Kathleen asks, throwing her trash away and then following Olivia downstairs.

"Hm?" Olivia says, going to stand in line. Kathleen's cheeks flush a little.

"Do you think I could get a milkshake too?"

Olivia's smile widens, and she nods, nudging Kathleen.

"Of course."

•

Two milkshakes and a short drive later, Olivia pulls up in front of Kathleen's middle school and parks, looking at car radio display.

"Well, you have about an hour and 30 minutes left in the day," Olivia says, chuckling and shaking her head. "Your dad is going to kill me."

"I won't tell," Kathleen says, smiling. "Besides, he's going to be too busy yelling at me to go after you."

"No," Olivia says, shaking her head. "Wanna hear a secret? The best way to get out of an argument with your dad is to be honest with him."

"What do you mean?" Kathleen asks.

"Well, you know you were wrong to skip school, right?" Olivia says. Kathleen nods. "Tell him that. And tell him you're sorry, but only if you really are. Then there'll be nothing left to argue about."

"I am sorry," Kathleen says. She rolls this idea over in her mind before nodding. "I'll try it."

"Good," Olivia says, smiling. Kathleen lingers in the car for a moment, like she has more to say. Olivia looks over at her expectantly, and eventually, she speaks up.

"My dad…" she says slowly. "You're friends with him, right?"

"I am," Olivia says. She feels her cheeks warming, but she can't pinpoint why. "Why?"

"Do you think he and my mom are ever going to get back together?" Kathleen asks, looking back over Olivia. This catches Olivia off guard. She doesn't know how to answer this question for Kathleen. She thinks deep down that the answer is no, but there's no way she's going to say that to Elliot's daughter. Eventually, she just shakes her head slightly.

"I don't know," she says softly. "You've got to ask them about that."

"I thought that's what you'd say," Kathleen says, not sounding too upset. She's quiet for a moment, searching for the right words. "I thought they would after they broke up. And I wanted them to. But it seems like they're happier not being married."

Olivia doesn't know what to say to this. Kathleen understands. She smiles a little at Olivia and nods at the clock.

"An hour and 20 minutes left," she says. Olivia scoffs and shakes her head.

"I can't believe I just got outsmarted by a 13-year-old," she says, making Kathleen laugh. "Go, before the bell rings."

"Thanks, Olivia," she says, smiling before hopping out of the car. Olivia chuckles to herself, shaking her head as she watches the blonde head into school.

•

Olivia isn't expecting to hear from Elliot again that day, and so when she gets a call at eleven that night, she panics for just a moment. She sits up in bed and blinks at her alarm clock, having been half-asleep, before grabbing the phone.

"Hello?" she says groggily.

"Hey," comes Elliot's voice. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"Uh, no, it's okay," Olivia says, yawning immediately after. "Is Kathleen okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, she's great," Elliot says slowly. "That's why I'm calling actually. What did you say to her, exactly?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia asks, turning her lamp on and sitting up in bed.

"I went over to Kathy's after work so that we could both talk to her about it," Elliot begins. "And as soon as I stepped into the house before I could even say anything, she goes 'I'm sorry that I skipped dad, I know it was wrong, and I won't do it again.' Now, what was I supposed to say to that?"

Olivia chuckles, running a hand through her hair. She smiles to herself and cradles the phone between her shoulder and ear.

"I don't know," she says. "What did you do?"

"Well, I asked why she skipped. And she told me and Kathy about how she was having trouble in gym class, and that turned into how she's worried about fitting in, and then we talked about her plans for next year. You know, she doesn't even want to go to prep school? All her friends are going to public school, and she doesn't want to have to start all over."

"Well, that makes sense," Olivia says.

"I know," Elliot says. "And I didn't even think about that. I haven't had more than a 100-word conversation with Kathleen in the past six months, and she spends one afternoon with you and then she's willing to spill her guts. So, what did you do?"

"I mean, nothing really," Olivia says. "I took her to get some lunch and then back to school."

"I thought she was too old to be bribed," Elliot huffs. Olivia chuckles.

"It wasn't a bribe," she said. "She hadn't eaten. And I haven't gotten to spend any time with her for a long time."

"You all did use to be close," Elliot says. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted to call to say thank you."

"It's really no problem," Olivia says. "If she talked to you, it's because she wanted to, not because of anything I said."

"Maybe," Elliot says. "But she's always been closer to Kathy. Maybe that's my fault for overreacting about situations like this."

"You didn't," Olivia assures. "Don't beat yourself up. You're a great dad."

"And yet, I'm constantly being outparented by you," Elliot says. Olivia's about to disagree, but then he chuckles, and she rolls her eyes. "Really, though, thank you. You're amazing, honestly. I owe you another lunch."

"You're welcome," Olivia says, chuckling and trying to ignore the heat that's risen to her face. "But you know, if you keep dropping by my office, people are going to talk."

"Let them talk," Elliot says. Olivia can hear the smile in his voice. "And you know, if you're ever looking for a career change, you'd make a great cop. I mean, you'd set records in getting confessions, I'm sure."

"Okay, okay," Olivia says. "You're really laying it on thick, Stabler, what's the catch?"

"I'm just appreciative," Elliot says, chuckling. "You constantly amaze me, you know."

"Elliot," Olivia says, her voice more of a whine now. Elliot chuckles, but then his voice gets quiet. Olivia waits for him to continue.

"You know what else Kathleen asked?"

"What?" Olivia says.

"If Kathy and I were going to get back together," Elliot says. Olivia's breath hitches. "We both were taken so off-guard, we had no idea what to say."

"Well, what did you end up telling her?" Olivia asks. She's nervous now, for some reason, twisting the sheets between her free hand.

"I mean, we told her no, of course," Elliot says. "We know we're better off just being friends. But I didn't want to have to break it to Kathleen like that."

"Oh," Olivia says, finally able to breathe. "Well, I'm sorry about that."

"It's alright. It was just a little awkward," Elliot says. "It's good that she knows now though. I don't want her to be confused if we start seeing other people."

"Have you thought about that?" Olivia asks tentatively. "Seeing other people?"

"Well, of course," Elliot says. "I don't want to be alone forever, it's just that right now..."

His voice trails off and Olivia waits, still worrying the sheet in her hand.

"I don't know," Elliot says eventually. "I guess, maybe the timing hasn't been right yet."

"Yeah?" Olivia asks, wondering what he means by that. "Well, I'm sure things will work out."

"I really hope they do," Elliot says, his voice quiet. He and Olivia are both silent for a moment, sitting and listening to each other's breathing. This is as close as she's been to him since she'd stayed over at his house, Olivia feels. In the dark, he might as well have been right next to her. Something about this idea comforts her.

"Alright," Elliot eventually says. "I'll let you get back to sleep. Sorry for waking you."

"It's alright," Olivia says, a little sad that she'd have to hang up. "Goodnight, El."

"Night, Liv," Elliot says. She hangs up after this, but the small smile on her face that had appeared at some point during the conversation doesn't leave; even as she lays back down and shuts her eyes.


	10. Saturday in the Park

AN: Alright, so this chapter is dedicated to _LaceNLeather24_ and _greenbasketball_ _ **.**_ LaceNLeather because this is Elliot and Olivia centered with just a sprinkle of other characters, as requested. Greenbasketball because of the hashtag #BrianWho? made me laugh. He's mentioned briefly, but again, this is an E/O focused chapter, so I hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter 9 – Saturday in the Park

Saturday is Olivia's favorite day of the week. It's the one day that she gets to breathe, without having to work or worry about going to bed early. Saturday is a day for leisure, for sleeping in late and running errands, and for vegging out in front of the TV. In fact, for all of the other six days of the week, she thinks about Saturday, and the thought of her chance to relax spurs her to continue on.

This Saturday is no different. She'd had a busy week, with planning for the PTA meeting, and then Kathleen's incident and all, so by the time Saturday arrived, she had been eager to get a chance to rest. Brian had asked earlier in the week if she wanted to go out this weekend, but she'd asked for a rain check because she knew that she wanted to have a quiet day. She wakes up around 10, then gets dressed and takes Luke over to Kathy's house in Queens. Afterward, with Grace in tow, she decides to stop in a grocery store to pick up a few things.

It's nice to shop without being rushed. As Olivia walks down the cereal aisle, she huffs to herself, thinking that just maybe, being a mom had made her boring – after all, who enjoyed leisurely grocery shopping? But then Grace blows a raspberry at her and she smiles, realizing that she didn't mind being boring if the trade-off was two amazing kids. She looks back at the cereal she was standing in front of before grabbing a Cap N Crunch box. Generally speaking, Luke wasn't a very picky eater, but Olivia knew that he could be particular about his breakfast foods. He was like his father in that way.

Olivia continues down the aisle, heading for the less sugary cereals. She and Grace usually ate cheerios, but when she spots the yellow box, it's on the top shelf. She exhales slowly, stepping closer to the shelf and leaning up. Her fingertips brush the box and she raises herself on her toes a little bit more; she's _almost_ got it-

An arm reaches over her, grabbing the box she'd been reaching for. She chuckles softly, turning to thank the tall strangers.

"Thanks," she begins, but when she looks up, she sees Elliot grinning at her. She wrinkles her nose a little as she takes the box, teasing. "My knight in shining armor."

"As long as you know it," Elliot says, pulling her into a tight hug afterward. He's smiling when they break apart. "But, hey. What are you doing all the way over here?"

"I just dropped Luke off with Kathy," Olivia says, sticking the box in her cart. Elliot is making a face at Grace, who giggles. "I wanted to pick up a few things while I was over here. What about you?"

"Well, I don't live too far, you know," Elliot says. He lifts the basket in his hand, nodding at the cereal boxes inside. "I had to get the twins' favorite cereals before they come over next week. Trix for Lizzie, Count Chocula for Luke. The older two are on a smoothie kick, so I just got some fruit for them."

"Count Chocula," Olivia repeats, starting to push her cart out of the aisle. Elliot matches pace with her, and it seems that now, they are shopping together. She doesn't mind the company at all. "Does Luke eat that?"

"No, he's not a big fan of sugar, it seems," Elliot says. "I figured that was your influence."

"Well, that's what I thought," Olivia says. "But I found out from Kathleen that he eats McDonald's when I'm not around, so now I don't know if I know him at all." Elliot laughs at this, shaking his head.

"He's a healthy kid," he assures. "When they come inside from playing, all Dickie wants is a Capri Sun; Luke always asks for water."

"Hm," Olivia says, turning this over in her mind. They make their way into the baby aisle, and she picks up a few snacks for Grace, who coos her approval when she sees her favorite items go into the cart. "Well, I suppose that is comforting to hear."

"Dickie's been eating the recipes you gave me though," Elliot says, wiggling his finger at Grace, who giggles. "Thank god we have you around, otherwise I'm sure he'd be 3 inches shorter with an iron deficiency."

Olivia laughs at this, rolling her eyes playfully. After running her eyes over her cart to make sure she has everything she needs, she heads to the checkout aisle, Elliot following behind her.

"Well, I'm glad you liked your gift," she says. Elliot nods, helping her put everything on the belt. She smiles and steps back as the cashier rings everything up. "You know, I feel like I keep running into you. More than usual, I mean."

"Maybe it's a sign," Elliot says, smiling playfully. Olivia chuckles, glancing at him briefly as he sets his basket up on the belt, then hands her card to the cashier.

"Oh?" she says. "What of?"

"Not sure," Elliot says, his smile widening as he runs his eyes over Olivia briefly. "I'm not complaining, though."

Olivia feels the blush rising to her cheeks, and so she turns to busy herself with moving her cart out of the way. She stands to the side as she waits for Elliot to be rung up, and after he takes his bags, he walks her out to her car.

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?" he asks. Olivia unlocks her car and lifts Grace out of the cart, guiding her into her car seat. Elliot pulls her cart around to the other side and loads her groceries in for her.

"I think we're about to head to the park," Olivia says. "Saturdays are usually pretty chill for us." She looks up after buckling Grace in, smiling when she sees Elliot putting her cart away for her.

"That sounds fun," he says. "I guess I'll see you around then?"

"Yeah," Olivia says, leaning against her car as she watches him. Something is tugging at her heart inside, but she doesn't know quite what, at least until the words roll out of her mouth. "I mean unless you'd like to join us?"

Elliot looks over, immediately breaking out into a grin. But he tries to downplay his excitement, Olivia can tell, and he clears his throat, shrugging.

"Are you sure?" he asks. "I mean, I don't want to infringe on your day."

"You wouldn't be," Olivia assures. "But, I mean, you only have to come if you want to, of course…"

"I do," Elliot says, smiling at her. "I do."

•

Olivia follows Elliot to the closet park, which is only a few minutes away. After they park their cars, they head over to the playground with Grace, who seems extremely excited to have Elliot with them.

"Play," she announces as they step onto the playground. Olivia chuckles and nods, shifting her bag onto her shoulder.

"Okay, baby," she says. "Do you want to go on the slide?" Grace shakes her head a little, pulling her hand out of Olivia's and moving closer to Elliot, who lifts her.

"Dada," Grace says. Olivia's eyebrows raise, and she shakes her head at Elliot.

"I don't know…" she begins. Elliot chuckles and shakes his head briefly, letting Olivia know that he doesn't mind.

"Elliot," he corrects. "Do you want to go on the swings?" Grace makes a happy sound that he takes to be a yes, and so that's where they head. He sets her in the toddler swing and pushes lightly, making her giggle. Olivia smiles, looking back up at Elliot.

"Dada," she says, shaking her head and making Elliot grin sheepishly. "First Luke, now Grace."

"What do you mean?" Elliot asks, guiding the swing gently. Olivia tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, glancing up at him a bit shyly.

"You remember a couple of weeks ago when I first went out with Brian?" she starts. Elliot nods. "Well, when I got dressed up, Luke asked where I was going. I told him I had a date, and he asked if it was with you."

"With me?" Elliot says, sounding surprised. Olivia chuckles softly and nods. Her eyes follow her daughter, swinging and giggling.

"With you," she confirms. "And eventually he told me that he asked because he thought you'd make a cool dad and because you make me laugh. He's trying to get us to hook up, I'm pretty sure."

Elliot tries not to smile too hard after hearing this, he really does. But he likes the idea of Luke being on his side. He had wondered how all of the kids would react, if he did manage to find a way to end up with Olivia, and it's nice to know that Luke wouldn't mind having him for a dad. He's thinking now of what it would be like, to not have to correct Grace if she called him dada, to hear Luke call him when he needed help with his homework. It's so unbelievably easy to imagine these things that it almost takes him by surprise; but after he conjures up the image, it's hard to get out his head. He wouldn't mind any of that, he thinks with a start. He wants not only to be with Olivia but to think of her children as his own, to be a family. In some ways, really, they almost were. Dickie and Luke acted like brothers a lot of the time, and Olivia had proven that she had a way with Kathleen. It could work. They could work.

"Elliot," Olivia says, pulling him back to the present. "I didn't mean to freak you out. I mean, I wouldn't want to go out with you, or anything." Her cheeks flush slightly after this statement, probably because this is a lie. She had thought about it, of course, just briefly at first, but more frequently recently. She knew that it would probably be nice, but she'd established that that was something she couldn't and wouldn't let herself do. However, Elliot's eyebrows raise after this statement.

"No?" he asks, making Olivia glance away. He's still pushing Grace gently, but his eyes are focused on Olivia. "I mean, Luke was right, wasn't he? I do make you laugh."

"You do," Olivia says slowly, looking for a way to ease the settling tension. "But I mean, I'm not attracted to you, really."

"Oh," Elliot says, his face folding, at least until he notices the smile playing on Olivia's lips. "Not even my butt? I've heard it's a fan favorite."

Olivia laughs at this, shaking her head. Elliot grins, slowly ceasing to push Grace as she reaches for him. He lifts her out, watching as she points to the slide, and begins to head over with Olivia.

"Really though," Elliot says slowly, glancing over at Olivia, but she's still avoiding his eyes. He tries to muster up as much courage as he can for his next question. "Haven't you ever thought about it? You know, going out on a date? I mean, just once?"

Olivia can't tell if he's joking. She should assume that he is, she knows. She's seeing someone, someone that he had set her up with, and they had never discussed anything like this before. But there was a certain hint of sincerity edging his voice that she thought she could just make out, and that made her nervous. She looks at him and her eyebrows knit together, before shaking her head.

"No," she lies, chuckling softly. Elliot is still looking at her. "No. I mean, come on, Luke is a kid. His imagination is unbelievable."

"Right," Elliot says, feeling just slightly disheartened. But still, something about the way Olivia is trying to avoid eye contact with him makes him wonder if there's more to what she's saying. He doesn't want to confirm or deny that hope, so he lets the subject drop and decides to be satisfied with how it feels to walk next to Olivia, her sleeve lightly brushing against his arm, the smell of her perfume just barely noticeable.

•

They spend the better part of the afternoon in the park. After Grace gets bored with the playground options, they walk around to the lake and get hotdogs. Grace seems to be greatly enjoying herself, refusing to leave Elliot's arms, except for when she's running around. Eventually though, sometime after 2, she starts getting tired. Olivia can tell because she starts to get a little more irritable, and her bottom lip starts poking out when Elliot stops playing with to her for a minute.

"Someone's ready for a nap," she murmurs to Elliot, nodding at the toddler who's trying to climb up his legs to be lifted. "Grace, you ready to head home?" She reaches for her daughter, but she pulls away, clinging to Elliot instead. Olivia's eyebrows come together. Grace has been clingy for a while now, but the person that she clings to is always Olivia. She knows she shouldn't be offended, not by her 15-month-old daughter, but it is funny to be on this end of things.

"Dada," Grace says, pouting as tears pool in her eyes. Olivia sighs softly as Elliot picks her up. Grace lays her head on Elliot's chest immediately, sucking on a thumb, something else she only does when she's getting ready to go to sleep. It's going to be hard to get her away from Elliot and into Olivia's car.

"I'm sorry," Olivia apologizes. "She's not usually like this, you know."

"It's alright," Elliot says, patting Grace's back lightly. Her eyes flutter closed for a second. "Hey, you know I only live a couple of blocks away. Why don't we walk over, she can nap for a little while, and then we can come back afterward?"

"I mean, I don't know," Olivia says. "Are you sure you don't mind carrying her?"

"Not at all," Elliot says. "I can get the diaper bag, too, c'mon." He takes the bag from Olivia, slinging it over his shoulder. Olivia raises her eyebrows but allows him to take it, following him as he heads out of the park.

Thankfully, he does live quite close. They make their way up to the second floor easily, and after Olivia takes Elliot's key and unlocks the door, he goes and lays her in the twins' bedroom. When he comes back, he and Olivia sit down on the couch. Olivia sheds her jacket, tossing it to the side. She doesn't notice that Elliot is watching her until she turns back to him and sees the grin on his face.

"What?" she asks self-consciously. Elliot shrugs and nods at her t-shirt before grabbing the television remote and switching the TV on.

"Nothing," he says, before motioning to her t-shirt. "I mean, you just have a lot of _The Cure_ t-shirts, don't you?" Olivia's cheeks flush slightly and she wraps her arms around her midsection. She hadn't thought before throwing on the old shirt and leaving the house.

"Well, they were my favorite band in high school," she says. "I could be a pretty angry kid, and you know, the rock spoke to me."

"Oh?" Elliot asks, chuckling. He puts his arm on the back of the couch like he usually does. And like she usually does, Olivia slides a little closer, leaning toward him. "Tell me more about that. Your high school experience."

"What's to tell?" Olivia says, pulling a face. Elliot rolls his eyes.

"Come on, tell me," he says. "You know, we never get a chance to just sit down and talk. We're always running after the kids or trying to plan PTA events. Just indulge me for a little, would you? I bet you were popular."

"Not even a little," Olivia says, shaking her head with a small grin. "I mean it. I had these acid wash jeans and big feathered hair and I spent all day, every day, thinking about graduation. I think about those days as infrequently as I can."

"I'm sure they weren't that bad," Elliot says. Olivia shakes her head slightly. She remembers her isolated behaviors. She remembers living with her mom. Remembers telling her she was engaged and the fight that had followed, and how Serena Benson seemed to hate her from then on, even more than she had hated her at the beginning. Olivia had counted down the days until graduation starting on that day, and when she left, she hadn't looked back. No, it wasn't something she liked to reminisce on.

"They were," she assures. She looks up at Elliot, who is looking at her curiously now. His gaze makes her a little uncomfortable, and as she always does when she's uncomfortable, she searches for a way out. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Elliot asks, a little hesitant to change the subject so quickly. Olivia shrugs, crossing her legs.

"What was high school like for you?" Olivia asks, smiling lightly. Elliot shrugs, unable to keep himself from running his eyes over her face for the millionth time that day; her chocolate brown eyes, her pink-tinted lips.

"Normal," he says. He tries his hardest not to think about high school as well, in all honesty. Really, he tried not think about his childhood at all. He'd done a pretty good job of repressing all of his memories, and he didn't plan to bring them up now. He'd done such a good job of trying to forget, in fact, that he almost believes that he really did have a pretty average high school experience after he says it out loud. "I played football, dated a cheerleader, had a crappy after school job. The works."

"What else?" Olivia pushes. She knows him too well. There is always more with Elliot, more than he initially wants to say. She is a private person, and he is the same. Usually, that works out well for them. But sitting on this couch, only a few inches away from him, made her curious for some reason. His eyes flick away briefly, and she presses him again, her voice gentle. "You're right you know. We never get to just talk, so talk."

"There's not much else to tell," he says. Olivia keeps watching him though, waiting for more and he clears his throat, continuing. "I mean, you know, I got Kathy pregnant early on. And I married her when we were still in high school. We had Maureen that same year. So, you know, I went to the Marines afterward, then college, and eventually ended up on the force."

"Is that what you always wanted to do?" Olivia asks. "Like, when you first started high school, did you want to be a Marine?"

"No," Elliot says, shaking his head quickly. "No, I mean, I didn't want to be a police officer either. My dad was a cop and I just…"

He pauses to search for the right way to answer. He tries to think quickly because he doesn't much like thinking about his father.

"That's just not the path I saw myself going down, I guess," he eventually finishes. Olivia tilts her head slightly.

"Well, what did you want to do, at first?"

Elliot doesn't answer immediately. In fact, he starts to blush a little

"You're going to laugh."

"I am not," Olivia says, now interested. Elliot still doesn't say anything, and she nudges his leg. "El, I promise."

"An astronaut," he says. Olivia is surprised, to be honest, but she doesn't find it funny or anything. "I know it's lame, but there was this guy that was my hero, and I don't know. It seemed cool."

"It's not lame," Olivia says, turning her body towards him more and wiggling a little to get comfortable. "Why didn't you try to do that?" Elliot lets out a short laugh, shaking his head.

"Olivia, at 18, I had a diploma, a wife, and a baby," he says. "I couldn't just go ahead and try to be an astronaut. I had to take care of them. It's not like we could have stayed with our parents while I went to school."

"Well, why not?" Olivia asks. Elliot's eyebrows lower a little.

"What do you mean why not?"

"Why couldn't you stay with your parents?" Olivia clarifies. She knew why she'd had to get out of her house as soon as possible. But she imagined that Elliot had lived in a nice Catholic family, one that had maybe been a little upset about him knocking up Kathy but forgiving. That's what she had thought, anyway. The look in Elliot's eye makes her doubt this and she watches him carefully.

"Maybe we could have stayed with Kathy's parents," Elliot eventually says. "But I was the man, you know? I wanted to provide for her. And my parents…"

Here they were again, somehow, on the subject of his parents. No wonder Kathleen had spilled so easily after being with Olivia. She knew what buttons to press. Nervously, he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, trying to come up with something to say. He'd rather lie than remember what it felt like, to be 18 and desperate to leave his childhood home.

"They just weren't the kind of parents you'd want to live with forever," Elliot says lamely. Olivia nods slowly, seeming to accept this, but she slides a hand over, lightly touching Elliot's knee. This is an oddly comforting motion.

"I get it," she says slowly. She's chewing her lip, trying to decide if she should continue. Elliot is patient, and he stays quiet as she thinks for a moment. "Well, I told you how my mom was. I mean, she was functioning, and all, but…it just wasn't always good between us. So, I understand, wanting to leave, you know."

"What about your dad?" Elliot asks carefully. This sparks something in Olivia, and he can see that he's gone too far almost immediately. Her eyes switch, a light goes out somewhere, and she looks away briefly, pulling her hand away from Elliot.

"I never met him," she says, her voice soft. They sit quietly for a moment. Elliot doesn't know if he should apologize, or change the subject, or what, but when he looks back at Olivia, she's thinking, and it seems like she could almost be a million miles away.

"I think that's why I married Jonathan," she says eventually, catching Elliot off guard. Her voice is so quiet that she could almost be talking to herself. "Not because I didn't know my dad, I mean, but because things could be so bad with my mom and I just wanted to escape. I mean, she could be mean when she drank. I know why, kind of, I know why she was so mean, now that I'm an adult. But as a kid, I didn't and that can really mess you up, you know?"

She's not making sense, she realizes. And so, she lets her voice fade out, trying to refocus her blurred vision. She hadn't meant to get all teary-eyed, but the tears are there anyway and so she blinks. It's stupid really because she's not even sad.

Elliot thinks he knows. He thinks maybe he does, as she watches Olivia's face. He knows what it's like to have an angry parent and a parent who isn't really there, at least not all the time. He can almost see Olivia, sixteen years old, in her acid wash jeans, wishing for an escape. And she'd fallen for Jonathan, who had only ended up mistreating her as well. He had no respect for any man who abused his wife. Or his own children. His stomach churns a little and eventually, he speaks up, to save Olivia, who's blinking back tears.

"I know," he says. "Maybe that's what the Marines were for me. They were a way to pay the bills, but also a way to just escape. I just wanted to get out of there, you know?"

"Yeah," Olivia says immediately, looking back over at him. "Yeah, I know."

They let the conversation die out after that. They sit next to each other for a moment, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. The TV in the background is barely audible. Eventually, Elliot feels the need to move. He didn't like sitting so close to Olivia but feeling like she was so far away. He had promised that he was going to protect her from things like this, from bad memories and things like that. He owed her some form of comfort.

So slowly, he lowers his arm from the back of the couch and wraps it around her shoulder. She flinches a little when he first touches her, but her body eventually relaxes. He's looking ahead, not directly at her, but he can hear her exhale. Eventually, she moves a little closer, then slowly, she lays her head on Elliot's chest, taking a deep breath.

She was pushing the boundaries, she knew. She was pushing the boundaries of their friendship and of the rules she had set for herself. But she couldn't help it. She felt so empty, after remembering high school and how it had felt to want someone to just _see_ her so badly. She had wanted someone to unload to, a friend to check in on her. Elliot was here now for that, wasn't he? He was here for her to lean on, and so that's what she was going to do. She finds comfort in the warmth of his body, of his arm wrapped around her. And so even though she knows it's not completely right, she can't convince herself to move away from him.

She's tired, too. The playground and all had made her feel in need of a nap, and Elliot's heartbeat was so soothing that she nearly drifted off. At least until Elliot spoke up, making her eyes open.

"Liv?" he asks. She shifts a little closer and his arms tighten around her.

"Yeah," she says back. She's tired, Elliot can tell. Her voice makes him smile slightly.

"Do you think we would have been friends back then?" he asks. "In high school?" Olivia tries to imagine this. Tries to imagine how she, an angry girl in a _The Cure_ t-shirt who sat at the back of the classroom and prayed not to be noticed, and Elliot, a handsome football player with an Irish-Catholic background and a pretty blonde girlfriend, would end up being friends.

"Probably not," she answers honestly. Elliot chuckles deeply. Olivia has always liked the way that his laugh sounds. Deep, like he really means it. She smiles slightly. "I didn't have many friends in high school."

"Come on," Elliot says. "I would have won you over. Maybe tried to make a move on you, but you would have forgiven me."

"Oh really?" Olivia asks, glancing up at Elliot. "A move?"

"Oh, of course," Elliot says, his eyes glinting playfully. "I mean, come on. I was in high school, and a little bit of a player. And you were gorgeous. Why wouldn't I at least try my luck?"

"You're a pig," Olivia says, giggling now. She sits up to look at Elliot, and although he immediately misses the contact, he lets her go. "And what makes you so sure I was 'gorgeous,' huh?"

"Well you're gorgeous now," Elliot says. "I can't imagine it being any different back then."

This makes Olivia blush deeply and she shoves Elliot lightly, starting to scoot away. Elliot grins and reaches for her, catching her around her waist and making her jump a little, giggling softly.

"Elliot, I'm ticklish," she warns, trying to shrug his arm off. Elliot hadn't known this and decides to test it out. He tickles her ribcage lightly and Olivia lets out a snort that makes him laugh immediately. "El!"

Olivia's trying to protest in between giggles and chuckles now, but Elliot is tickling her sides, under her arms, even her neck and pulling her even closer as she squirms to get away. Her protests grow into squeals and peals of sharp laughter that mix with Elliot's own chuckles. He only stops when she's gasping for breath.

"Sh, now," Elliot says, trying to keep a straight face. "You're going to wake the baby. C'mon, you can never be serious." He wraps his arm around Olivia's waist tightly, who had laughed her way right into his lap.

"I…hate…you," Olivia gasps, still catching her breath. "You're _impossible_ , Stabler."

"No, you," Elliot muses, his face only a few inches away from hers. Finally, her breathing returns to normal and she manages to make eye contact with Elliot, who is watching her amusedly. He really can be such a child, and maybe that would be annoying if he wasn't so smooth about it. He's trying not to smile now, she can tell, but he slips up and grins as his free hand raises to brush her hair out of her face. He can be so damn cute when he wants to.

She's getting caught up again, just like she had on Halloween night. Elliot's thumb is stroking the exposed skin of her waist, and his eyes are boring into her, his mouth slightly parted. All of sudden, she can't remember any of her reasons for not pursuing him.

Her stomach tugs a little and her own mouth falls open. Thankfully, something deep inside her reminds her to chicken out, and she blinks, shaking her head slightly.

"I am so tired," she says suddenly. She thinks Elliot's face might fall, but she doesn't have much time to think about it because she's looking away and scooting out of his lap before he can say anything. "Do you mind if I nap for a little while? You can wake me up when Grace gets up."

"No, of course not," Elliot says slowly. He's feeling a mix of confusion and disappointment. For just a second, he had been almost positive Olivia was going to kiss him. They'd had a moment, he thought. They'd been having a moment, or at least, been _about_ to have a moment. So why was she so far away from him now? "Wait, come here."

He reaches for her, managing to catch her waist again. She doesn't jump this time, but she doesn't look directly at him either. Her face is still flushed from laughing.

"I was comfortable earlier," Elliot says, as an excuse. "Do you mind?"

"No," Olivia says quietly, almost shyly. She curls back up to him, letting him wrap his arm around her and finding a comfortable spot on his chest. Carefully, she drapes one of her arms over him. She isn't doing herself any favors, really. It seems more like she's just setting herself up to fail, to fall for him. But, if she can't kiss him, she thinks, she should at least be allowed to sit here with him, right? It was harmless, really. This is what she tells herself, at least.

And so, she sits, cuddled up to Elliot, letting him stroke her arm gently, listening to his even heartbeat. Thankfully, she was quite tired, and so she starts to nod off again rather quickly. Just as she slides into that nice little middle stage that she likes so much, the one between awake and asleep, Elliot leans down and presses a kiss to her temple. This warms her whole body, and she's not aware enough to be embarrassed by that fact. So, she falls asleep content, her mind clear except for the memory of Elliot and Grace on the playground, their laughter mixing into an oddly reassuring symphony.


	11. Olivia and Brian

AN: This is a long chapter, one I think you guys will like. Read & review please.

Chapter 10 - Olivia and Brian

As Olivia nods off, Elliot tries to bring his attention back to the television. However, it's difficult for him to concentrate for a couple of reasons. The first is that he's beginning to feel pretty tired himself. It would have been nice to lay back and nap with Olivia. Her body is pressed against his; her head on his chest, her arm wrapped around his midsection. The warmth makes him feel even sleepier. He'd nearly forgotten how exhausting it could be to run around after a toddler, and he'd only done it for a few hours. Olivia was doing it full time, in addition to a million other things. No wonder she'd fallen asleep so quickly.

So, even though he was tired, he didn't let himself fall asleep. He wanted to be awake when Grace woke up, so that Olivia could continue to sleep. She deserved that, he thought.

The second reason that Elliot couldn't focus on the television was the brunette snoring lightly on his chest. His brain was overrun by thoughts of her; of how natural it felt to sit with her like this, of how much he liked her, of how badly he wanted to be with her. These thoughts tugged at his heart, especially now, as she was so close. He wished, sometimes, that he had never set her up with Brian. He wished that he had asked her out that afternoon at his birthday party instead. He hadn't completely known then, exactly how much he liked her, but he'd at least had an idea. How hard would it have been really, to just ask her out? There hadn't been anything to be afraid of. The worst Olivia could have done was say no.

Would she have said no?

When he had asked earlier in the park, mostly jokingly, but also out of his own curiosity, if she had ever thought about going out on a date with him, her answer had been an unequivocal no. Elliot thought she might have been fibbing. But he also didn't want his own opinions to get in the way of his judgment. About the only thing that he was sure of was that he did not want to ruin the relationship he and Olivia had right now. He didn't want to push her too hard. And while he hadn't been completely frank about his feelings thus far, he hadn't been all that secretive either. Olivia hadn't done anything to make it seem like his affections were returned, at least not in that way. Elliot was not going to be one of those guys that could not take no for an answer. Those guys that forced their unrequited love onto females were the same ones that abused them, that sent them to SVU seeking help. There was no way in hell he was going to be one of _those_ guys. He wasn't one of those guys, really. It was just that being around Olivia sent his normally well-performing brain into a tailspin. He was usually a very self-assured person, but right now, he wasn't sure of much.

So, he sighs to himself as he sits there on the couch, looking at the television, but not really watching. He had told himself before that he was going to have to let go of this crush, or whatever it was. But that was different. At first, he'd told himself to let go because Olivia was seeing someone else. Now he needed to let go because he didn't want to drive her away. She deserved a good friend, one that was content with being just friends, if that's what she wanted. She deserved that just like she deserved the nap she was taking right now.

Elliot runs a hand through her hair absent-mindedly. Olivia hums and moves a bit closer, her grip on Elliot tightening. He takes a slow breath and tries to clear his head. He's made his decision now, he's going to have to stick to it. So, he tries to pull his mind away from Olivia and the smell of her perfume that he liked so much and focus on the television instead.

After around an hour of mindless channel surfing, Elliot hears Grace stirring in the twins' bedroom. It takes him a minute or two to wiggle out from under Olivia, who eventually sighs in dissatisfaction when he breaks contact, and then he heads out of the living room into the first bedroom on the right.

Grace is sitting up in bed when Elliot steps in. She smiles when she sees him, reaching out to be picked up.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he says, lifting her into his arms. She giggles, reaching out to bop his nose. Elliot has seen Olivia do this to Grace, and so he bops her nose back gently, making her giggle again. "You're in a better mood."

He walks with Grace into the kitchen, moving her to his hip as he looks around for Olivia's diaper bag. After he spots it, he searches around for a few moments before pulling out a bag of cereal Olivia had packed. Grace had eaten at the park, but Elliot was sure she'd be hungry by now.

"Want a snack?" he asks, showing her the cereal. Grace bobs her head appreciatively.

"Yes," she says. After Elliot sits down with her in his lap and hands her a piece of cereal, she adds, in her small voice: "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Elliot muses, holding her steady as she munches. He watches as she eats carefully, feeding herself eventually. After she starts this, Elliot begins fixing one of the bows in her hair that had fallen loose while she was on the playground. He glances at the window. It had started to rain.

"Dadada," Grace murmurs through a bite of cereal. Elliot smiles a bit to himself. He had known earlier on the playground that Grace's nickname for him didn't really mean anything. It was just part of her learning to talk. But he had liked it anyways. Maybe it had just been that he missed having a baby around the house. The twins would be 10 in February. That wasn't so old, but it did feel like they were growing up on fast-forward. Maureen would be in college next year. Kathleen was going to high school. He remembered when each one of them had been born, every birthday party, all of it.

Elliot makes one last adjustment to Grace's bow, then drops his hands to observe his work. He had never been great with hair. That was Kathy's department. Olivia however, seemed to be a bit of a wizard. Grace didn't have much hair, but Olivia managed to put in in ponytails, clips, bows, all of that. He had said it a million times, and it remained true: she was a _really_ good mom. She was a really good person, all together, in fact.

Grace tugs on the collar of his shirt, getting his attention. She's finished her cereal now.

"Rolie," she says softly.

"What was that?" Elliot asks, grabbing the empty cereal bag. He stands with Grace and goes to toss the bag in the trash.

"Rolie polie," she repeats, making an effort to be clear, Elliot can tell. He racks his brain. This sounds familiar, and after a second, he gets it.

"The TV show?" he asks. "You want to watch Rolie Polie?"

"Rolie Polie Olie," Grace confirms, looking pleased. "Please."

"Of course," Elliot says, smiling. "Such good manners."

He walks into the living room, where Olivia is still asleep on the couch. He sits on the loveseat so that he and Grace don't crowd her and grabs the remote. Luckily, Rolie Polie Olie is on.

Elliot makes sure to keep the TV low so that it doesn't wake Olivia up, but after just a few minutes, Grace is wiggling out of his lap and toddling over to Olivia. It's not often that she's awake and her mother is asleep, so this is new territory for her. Tentatively, she reaches out, and before Elliot notices, she pokes her mother in the eye.

"Ah," Olivia says, jumping awake and raising her hand to her face. Elliot stands up quickly and swoops Grace up apologetically.

"Grace," he chides. "We were giving your mom a break." He glances at Olivia, who is rubbing her eye and offers a sheepish grin. "Or trying to, at least. Sorry."

"No, no, it's okay," Olivia says, sleep still in her voice. She blinks and sits up. Grace wiggles down again and goes over to climb into her lap, pressing a sloppy "I'm sorry" kiss to Olivia's cheek. This makes Olivia and Elliot both chuckle. "I told you to wake me up when she got up anyway."

"You seemed tired," Elliot says, moving to sit on the couch now. Grace makes herself comfortable in between them. Now that both adults are awake, she can go back to her show. Olivia smiles down at her daughter, then at Elliot. She readjusts and leans her head on his shoulder, making herself comfortable. This, for some reason, makes Elliot's heart race.

"Well, thank you for the break," Olivia muses. Elliot doesn't respond immediately. It had been all of 2 minutes since Olivia had woken up, and he was already rethinking the logic of stepping back from his feelings for her. This was going to be hard for him.

"Yeah, sure," he says, a little awkwardly, scooting away. "Do you feel more rested?"

Olivia has to raise her head, as Elliot has made his way to the other end of the couch now. She cocks her head, looking at him. He was being odd.

"I do," she says. And then the room falls quiet, except for Grace's soft babbling. This isn't the good kind of quiet like they had sat in earlier. That was quiet that came with being with someone who understood you so well that you didn't have to fill up all of your time together with words. This was an awkward quiet, accompanied by an Elliot that wouldn't meet her gaze.

Had she done something wrong? She thinks back over the events of the day; the supermarket, the park. She'd joked with him when he'd asked if she'd ever thought about going out with him. Had her answer been too harsh? What time was it; had she just overstayed her welcome?

"So, um," she begins, trying to coax Elliot into looking back at her. "How long was I out?" Elliot glances down at his watch briefly, and then finally, looks back at her, shrugging his shoulders.

"Not too long. It's almost 4."

"Almost 4?" Olivia asks, surprised. That was later than she'd thought it was. That must have been what was wrong. They'd taken up Elliot's entire Saturday. She begins to stand, shaking her head. "I didn't know it was so late. We should probably get going."

"Are you sure?" Elliot asks. Eventually, he stands as well. He hadn't really wanted her to go. "You know you're welcome to stay for as long as you'd like."

"No, I'm sorry," Olivia says. "We took your entire Saturday." On the couch, Grace reaches for Elliot to pick her up, not wanting to be left behind. Elliot carries her into the kitchen, following Olivia, who has grabbed her jacket and bag. He'd gone and messed up now. He hadn't meant to be so cold that she felt she had to leave. He really was awful at making decisions when it came to things regarding Olivia. Maybe he'd made the wrong one.

"It's really okay," Elliot insists, finding Grace's jacket and setting her down to zip her up in it. After that's done, he lifts her again. "Well, at least let me walk you back to your car. It's raining outside. You'll need another jacket, hold on."

He doesn't really give Olivia an opportunity to say 'no' so she waits while Elliot grabs his jacket, keys, and an umbrella, as well as an extra raincoat that she puts on, and then they head downstairs and outside together. The walk to her car is a quick one, but it's still filled with that silence that she hates so much. Grace clings to Elliot's chest as they walk. Olivia's going to have a time trying to get her in the car.

Thankfully, Grace doesn't protest too much when Elliot puts her in her car seat. She lets him buckle her up and close the door without a fight. In his head, Elliot is still trying to figure out if he had made the right decision. This doesn't feel right, not to him anyway. And Olivia doesn't appear to be enjoying the awkward air either. Maybe he had given up too fast, maybe something had been developing and he'd just panicked prematurely. He'd have to ask to be sure. He needed to be absolutely _sure_.

"Hey, Liv," he says, right after shutting the car door. Olivia glances back at him, about to climb into the driver's seat. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Ah," Olivia says, glancing back at Grace. She's nervous, for some reason. She shouldn't be. This is just Elliot. "Sure. I mean, we have about 30 seconds before Grace realizes you aren't coming with us, but sure."

She steps away from the car, standing on the sidewalk under the umbrella, facing Elliot. His eyes run over her face carefully. He needs to ask _something,_ but he can't find the words, doesn't know how to. He's chickening out; it feels like he's made a huge deal out of absolutely nothing.

"I just…" He begins because he has to say something. "I just had a really good time with you. We should hang out more."

"Oh," Olivia says. She sounds relieved, almost. "Well, I had a good time too. It was fun. Next time we go to the park, I'll call you."

"That's great," Elliot says, smiling gently. Some of the tension eases up, but Olivia still feels awfully nervous. And still, she can't figure out why, at least until the words come rolling out of her mouth.

"You know, earlier, at the park, I wasn't being completely honest," she admits. She doesn't know why she's choosing to come clean, but Elliot is watching her now, interested. "I might have thought about going out on a date with you, you know, just once or twice."

"Oh?" Elliot asks. His smile has turned into a grin, he can feel it, but he doesn't even care.

"Yeah," Olivia says. Her cheeks are flushing. "I mean, it makes sense. Because you are, you know, extremely, attractive."

"Really?" Elliot says, gaining back confidence at a rapid speed. "I mean, just to clarify, you're saying that I'm attractive to you, specifically?" Olivia scoffs, but she's smiling now, at least a little.

"Yes," she says, rolling her eyes a bit. "That's what I said."

"Huh," Elliot says, grinning still. "I didn't know that."

Olivia chuckles, brushing her hair out of her face and smiling at Elliot shyly. She does feel a lot better after having got that off of her chest.

They stand there for just a moment, smiling at each other until Grace lets out a whine.

"Uh oh," Olivia says. "That's my cue. I better go."

"Right," Elliot says. Another small pause. Then he pulls her into a quick hug. He kisses her temple again, just briefly, but Olivia gets goosebumps on her upper arms anyways. God, she was pathetic.

"I'll call you," she says, smiling as she climbs back into the car. "Next time we go to the park, I promise."

"You better," Elliot says. This is corny enough to make Olivia roll her eyes again but sweet enough to make her laugh softly. Elliot shuts her door, and after a second, she pulls off.

He feels much better than he had an hour ago now. He was still confused. Olivia always had that effect on him. But he knew, at least, that he didn't need to give up quite yet.

•

Olivia is confused as well. She's confused about Elliot and about the nature of their relationship. As much as she had tried to deny it, it was becoming more obvious that there was something between them. She knew, at least, that she felt something for him. She was attracted to him like he had said. And of course, she had thought about dating him, more than once or twice; almost constantly over the past couple of weeks, in fact. She still didn't know what do about that. She still didn't know if they could work, or if it would be too much of a gamble, or if they'd just break up immediately and wreck a handful of relationships in the process. But even with all of these worries, she still finds herself thinking about Elliot Stabler much more often than she should if they really are _just friends_.

Then there's Brian. It doesn't feel right to continue to see him if she was thinking about Elliot in the way she was. And she knew that he didn't make her feel the same way Elliot did. They weren't as comfortable with each other. They didn't fit as well. That led her to believe that she should break things off with him before they went any further.

However, there was also a nagging voice in the back of her head that told her that she should stay with Brian. He had shown interest in her, definite and clear interest. He was willing to be with her and she knew that for a fact. They had something, whether it was exactly like what she had with Elliot or not. She didn't want to throw that away and end up…well, alone. Olivia had been alone for a large portion of her life. From about 4 to 16 she felt like she was the only person in the world in her situation. And then she had dated Jonathan and married him, and although she wasn't technically on her own anymore, it still felt kind of like she was, at least in some ways. But Jonathan had been there to remind her that if it wasn't for him, she'd have been completely and totally alone in the world, and stupidly, she had believed that being with him was better than being on her own.

 _"Listen to me," he said, snatching her arm as soon as they stepped into their apartment. She was 18 and had just graduated high school, but the feeling of joy was fast-fleeting as she watched Jonathan glare at her, angry because she had been too chatty with one of her friends at dinner. "You're not allowed to see them anymore. Any of them. Do you understand?"_

 _Olivia winces. His grip on her arm has tightened. He hadn't shouted like this at her before. He notices her expression and let's go, quickly apologizing. His face softens._

 _"I'm sorry," he says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Livvie, listen to me, I'm sorry. It's just that you and I both know there's no one out there for you but me."_

That had been drilled into her head for so long that she believed it for a long time, even after Jonathan died. There was no one else out there for her. They were meant to be, and no one else would love her, not like he did.

Funnily, Serena Benson had instilled the same sort of fear into Olivia. It was one of the reasons why she had wanted to escape so badly.

 _"I said yes," Olivia said. She holds up her left hand, showing her mother the diamond on her ring finger. Serena Benson, standing on the other side of the room, separated from Olivia only by the couch, laughs. There's a shattered bottle of vodka at her feet. Carefully, she leans down and picks up a piece. Olivia's eyes don't leave her._

 _"You'll give it back."_

 _"I won't."_

 _"You will!" Serena says, her voice raising. She raises the glass in her hand. A threat. Olivia's eyebrows knit for just a second. She's trying to figure out if her mother is bluffing. She had screamed at her plenty of times. She'd slapped Olivia just as many times, shoved her, shook her, but never hurt her seriously, not enough for anyone else to notice, at least. But she's drunk now – maybe even more than usual – and there is murder in her eyes. She'd do it, Olivia realizes. Her mother would kill her, and she wouldn't even feel an ounce of guilt, not in her current state._

 _Olivia takes a half step back, her heart racing. Serena smiles, edging around the couch, shuffling on uneven feet._

 _"I'll get him kicked out of school," she says. "I'll tell them he's in a relationship with a minor. You're only 15—"_

 _"I'm 16," Olivia corrects. Her voice is still as steady as it always was. This had always annoyed Serena, and so their arguments usually involved calm words combating screamed ones. Her mother rolls her eyes now and nearly trips over another empty bottle. Olivia takes a breath and continues. "And I'm moving out. You can't stop me."_

 _"Like hell, I can't," Serena says, making a quick movement towards Olivia. Olivia's heart is thumping, thumping, there's blood in her ears, murder in her mother's eyes. Olivia_ hates _her, she really does, with every ounce of her being. She moves out of her mother's immediate path, but Serena just sneers and raises the hand holding the glass._

 _"I'll never let anyone else have you!" she screams, leaping at Olivia. Before Olivia can even think, even realize what she's doing, she's kicking her mother, hard. Serena goes flying into a wall, banging her head. And then Olivia is kicking her over and over, tears running down her face. It feels_ **so good.** _She hates her, hates her so much. Someone is screaming; screaming and howling, taking large gasping breaths through tears. It's not her though; it can't be Olivia because she's not hurting. No, she's flying. She's full of pride, of victory. She'd just won a fight with her mother for the first time. She strolls out of the apartment after her mother finally lies quiet, an invisible laurel wreath resting on her head._

It was almost funny, that every time she had felt the loneliest, she had really been trapped. How could that be? How was it that when you were with someone, but the wrong person, it felt just as bad as being completely alone?

She's overthinking; not making sense. That happens sometimes, on the rare occasion that she's alone with her thoughts, as she was now, lying in bed late at night. Her original dilemma had been whether or not to continue things with Brian. She was no closer to having an answer than she had been when she started thinking about all this.

Maybe she could go on one more date with him. Listen to her gut and make a decision afterward. It wasn't an amazing idea, but it was all she had.

So, sighing and closing her eyes, she decided that was the plan she'd go with.

•

It takes a little while for Olivia to find the time to go out with Brian again. They both have busy work schedules and she has her kids and everything, so it's about a week before they both have a free evening. Eventually, Olivia agrees to meet him at a nearby bar after he gets off of work, around 6. After Brian had suggested this, he'd gotten kind of nervous, she'd been able to tell through the phone.

"Is that okay?" he'd asked. "I mean, I know you don't drink, so we could go somewhere else…"

"It's fine," Olivia assured him. "I'll meet you there."

So, on Monday night, she leaves Luke and Grace with a sitter and meets Brian at the bar he'd specified. When she walks in though, she's surprised by what she sees.

She spots Brian first. But it's odd because he's not sitting at the bar, waiting for her. He's at a table with a small crowd of other people. As she gets closer, Olivia starts recognizing faces. She sees John and Fin, and then, of course, Elliot, grinning at her.

"El?" she questions. Brian glances at her a bit sideways and she looks back over at him, shaking her head. "Sorry, hi Brian. I wasn't expecting everyone else to be here."

"Me neither," he says, standing and pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. Elliot's eyes flick away. "You know, cop bars. You don't mind, do you? Wait, here, let me get you a chair."

"There's one right here," Elliot says, motioning to the empty chair next to him. Olivia sits and smiles at him gratefully, then nods at Brian.

"I don't mind at all," she says, even though her nerves are on alert. She had not expected Elliot to be here. Right now, she's sitting between him and John, with Brian next to Elliot. On the other side of John is Fin. Elliot taps her shoulder lightly, grinning at her.

"Hey," he says, looking happy to see her. "You want something to drink?"

"Hey," she says. "Just a Coke, please. I think we both know I wouldn't be able to handle much else."

"I'll grab that for you," Brian says, shooting his eyes at Elliot quickly before getting up.

"Thank you," Olivia says, before looking back around the table. She smiles at John and Fin, saying a quick hello before addressing Elliot. "So, is this your whole department?"

"Uh, almost," he says. "My boss isn't here – he doesn't drink. And my partner, uh doesn't really hang out with us after work." Fin snorts at this.

"Because you two can't stand to be around each other," he says, taking a sip of his drink. Elliot shrugs, brushing off Olivia's inquisitive gaze.

"We don't get along all that well," he explains. "I don't know. I guess I'm still trying to find the right partner."

"It seems like you would have found them by now," John jokes. "You've gone through about 8 in the past two years."

"Okay, okay," Elliot says, chuckling and sipping on his beer. "So maybe I'm not the easiest person to work with." Olivia stifles a chuckle and he glances over, nudging her. "What? You have something to add?"

"No, no," Olivia says, grinning. Brian returns to the table and passes her the coke she'd asked for. She says a quick thank you and is about to ask how his day had been, but then Elliot clears his throat and pinches the fabric of her jacket.

"Hey!" she protests.

"This is my jacket," Elliot says. "I gave this to you like two Saturdays ago. When we went to the park?"

Olivia glances down. She guesses it _is_ his jacket. It had been rainy for the past week, and so she'd worn it almost every day. She'd completely forgotten that Elliot had loaned it to her.

"I'm sorry," Olivia says, chuckling and sipping on her drink. "Do you want it back?"

"No, I guess it's yours now," Elliot muses, shrugging. "I guess I'll just continue to get soaked every time it rains."

"I said _sorry_ ," Olivia says, shaking her head. "I just forgot, really. And it is a nice jacket…"

"I know," Elliot says. "I bought it." Olivia laughs, and he grins, eventually chuckling. Out of habit, his arm goes around the back of her chair. And almost as if she had been conditioned, Olivia turns and leans in toward him. Fin kicks at John's leg under the table, hitting Elliot by mistake.

"Hey!" Elliot protests, but his attention quickly returns to a still giggling Olivia. She's beginning to feel very glad that Elliot and Brian's other friends were here. It made things a lot less awkward. And, it had been established that Elliot did a good job of making her feel comfortable.

"Sorry, man," Fin mutters, but he nudges John, who looks up and flicks his eyes between Elliot and Olivia, and then a sore looking Brian. Then he looks back at Fin, who winks.

"So, Olivia," Brian says, raising his voice slightly to be heard. Elliot is murmuring something to Olivia and she slaps his chest lightly and looks up. "How've you been?"

"Good," Olivia says. "I mean, busy, with work and everything, and with Luke really. He's been talking about this science fair non-stop, even though it's not until spring. He says he doesn't want to do anything easy, you know like a solar system model – his words! – it's unbelievable. I think when I entered the science fair, all I did was make popsicles."

"I did this project with moldy bread, you know?" Elliot says before Brian manages to respond. "'How does food change over time?'"

"Well that's not terrible," Olivia says. Elliot grins.

"I thought of it the morning of the science fair," he says. "See, I'd forgotten that I was supposed to turn something in, so I just looked under my bed, and there it was – a seventh-place worthy science fair project." Olivia laughs, shaking her head slightly.

"Oh, gross," she says, through giggles. Fin's eyes flick over to Brian again, whose jaw has tightened slightly. Olivia, eventually, after the laughter peters out, deflects the conversation back to him.

"Well what about you, Brian?" she asks. "What was your science fair project?"

But before he can respond, someone new walks up the table, clearing her voice.

"Do you all have space for one more?" asks a tall blond wearing black glasses.

"Alex!" everyone says, sounding happy to see her. Olivia notices that Elliot hops up almost immediately.

"Hey, Alex," he says. "I'll pull you up a chair. I'm about to grab another beer, do you want to get a drink?"

"Sure," Alex says, and they step away from the table together, disappearing from sight in the dim bar. Olivia notices that she misses Elliot's company almost immediately, and then chides herself for this. This is supposed to be a date with Brian.

Brian. He's moved chairs, taking Elliot's seat.

"Hey," he says, smiling slightly. "Sorry about all that. You were talking about science, right?"

Olivia nods, but she doesn't really know what 'all that' is. She tries to listen to Brian anyway though, she really does, but she just can't focus on what he's saying. This is probably because Elliot has left, but she doesn't want that to be the reason. Who was Alex? He'd jumped up rather quickly to greet her. And it wasn't that she was jealous, really, it wasn't, it was just that she felt like she may have been a little quick to jump to the conclusion that there was something going on between her and Elliot. This made her stomach flop in a rather unpleasant way, and as Brian continues to talk, her mind drifts further and further.

Elliot, however, is at the bar, talking to Alex about Olivia.

"So technically, she's here with Brian, but, I mean, I want her to be with me," he says, a little nervously. He's playing with the beer in his hand, continuing as Alex listens, eyebrows raised. "I know that sounds kind of childish, but I think she likes me too. I can't tell for sure, though, and I'm nervous, and I don't want to be a bad friend or anything, but I know how it _feels_ when I'm with her. Anyways, what do you think I should do?"

"What do _I_ think you should do?" Alex asks, surprised. "I don't really know her."

"I need another opinion," Elliot explains. "The only person who knows that I 'like' her is Fin, and he's not really much help. So, yeah, what do you think I should do?"

"Well, I don't know…" Alex says, a bit flustered. She sips on her own drink. "Let me talk to her for a little while. Feel her out."

"Yeah, okay," Elliot says. "Okay, sure."

They head back to the table after this. Of course, Brian has managed to take Elliot's seat next to Olivia, and so, a bit grumpily, Elliot takes Brian's old seat. Alex manages to pull up a chair on the other side of Olivia.

"Hi," she says, making Olivia jump slightly. She holds out her hand for Olivia to shake. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Alex Cabot, I'm the ADA for the Special Victims Unit,"

"Oh," Olivia says. She shakes Alex's hand, managing to smile. "I'm Olivia Benson, I'm Elliot's friend."

"Right," Alex says, shifting her eyes at Elliot briefly. Brian does not seem to like the title Olivia's given herself, and frowning a little, he wraps an arm around Olivia protectively and presses a kiss to her cheek.

"And Brian's date tonight," Olivia adds, offering him a tight-lipped smile. She doesn't like this. She doesn't like the possessive undertones of Brian's hands on her, but she doesn't want to make a scene, so she just freezes under his touch, trying her hardest to ignore it. She'd gotten good at that, over the years. She could even leave her body when she really wanted to, go somewhere else during an unpleasant event. She did it a lot when she was a child and started it up again sometime near the middle of her and Jonathan's relationship - usually when he wanted to have makeup sex, but she wasn't very into it.

"Oh," Alex says, offering Brian a brief smile and bringing Olivia's mind back to the current conversation. Alex's attention quickly turns back to Olivia. "So, they say that when you're meeting a new person, you're supposed to find a common interest, right? So, are you from here?"

"I am," Olivia says, smiling, a bit friendlier now. Alex does seem to be a nice person, and Elliot wasn't too focused on her, not now at least. He's talking to Fin and John, but she tries to tell herself that it doesn't matter who he talks to anyway. "What about you?"

"No," Alex answers. "I was born in Tennessee. I moved up here when I was young, though. It's a lot colder."

"I'm sure, it is," Olivia says, chuckling. Brian's head is on her shoulder now. And Elliot's eyes are on Brian. "Okay, where'd you go to school?"

"NYU for undergrad, Yale for Law School," Alex answers. Olivia's eyebrows raise, and she grins, shaking her head. She definitely hadn't gone to Yale. "Well, where did you go to school?"

"U Albany," Olivia answers. "What did you major in?"

"Public policy," Alex answers. Olivia is surprised. She hadn't really expected to find anything in common, at least not so quickly.

"Really?' she asks. "I was too! Spanish minor."

"I minored in Spanish," Alex says, smiling broadly now. "Unbelievable. What do you do?"

Olivia starts telling Alex about her job after this, effectively starting a formal conversation. Brian, hanging onto her, seems to be bored. He presses kisses to her shoulders and tries to pull her closer, adding a little to Elliot and the rest of the guys' conversation every now and then. Elliot watches as he gets more and more handsy, and a small anger grows inside of him. He was touching all over Olivia as if they were really _together_. And Olivia didn't seem to be enjoying that. She wasn't moving, ignoring all of his advances, but, Elliot couldn't figure out why she wouldn't just tell him to _stop_.

Fin watches Elliot watching Brian. He notices the red in his neck and the little vein that pops out when he's nearing the end of his rope. Before Elliot can do anything to Brian, Fin speaks up.

"I'm gonna go outside for a smoke," he says, glancing at Elliot. Elliot's eyes drag away from Olivia and Brian and he makes eye contact with Fin. Eventually, he nods.

"I'll go too," he says, standing up with Fin. Olivia hears this, and she looks away from Alex for a moment to try and meet Elliot's eyes.

"You don't smoke," she says. Elliot shrugs his shoulders jerkily, zipping his jacket.

"Well, I need some air."

He and Fin step away from the table, heading outside. Olivia's eyes follow them. Something was bothering Elliot. It wasn't really any of her business, whatever it was, and she tried not to think about it, going back to her conversation. However, after only 5 minutes have passed, her brain is still nagging her to go and see what was bugging him.

"A lot of the victims need some kind of counseling or service," Alex is saying. "It'd be good to have a contact at your office. Do you have a card or something?"

"I can write down my number for you," Olivia says, smiling softly. She swats Brian's hand away from her waist gently before flicking her eyes at the door again. "I'm going to go outside to check on the Elliot first, though, excuse me." She manages to wiggle out from under Brian's grasp and makes a beeline for the door.

When she steps out the air is cool. She pulls her jacket – well, Elliot's jacket – around her a little tighter and makes her way over to where he and Fin are standing on the sidewalk.

"Hey," she says, getting Elliot to look up. "What's up with you?" Elliot's eyes go from her to Fin. Fin offers a small smile and nods.

"I was just getting ready to go," he says. He puts out his cigarette and nods at Olivia. "It was nice to see you again. See you at work tomorrow, Elliot."

"See you," Elliot says, nodding at Fin as he walks away. He eventually looks back over at Olivia, who's watching him expectantly, and shrugs, jamming his hands in his pockets. "What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean 'What am I talking about?'" Olivia says, shaking her head. "What made you walk out like that?"

"I needed some air," Elliot says shortly. Olivia huffs.

"Elliot, can you just talk to me?" she asks. He looks at her briefly, lowering his brows. "Come on, spill."

"Okay," Elliot says slowly. "Okay."

Olivia waits for more, but he doesn't say anything at first. She groans eventually, bobbing up and down to keep warm.

"Elliot, it's _cold_ ," she says. "If you don't want to talk, we can at least go inside-"

"Why are you still with him?"

Olivia pulls her eyes back to Elliot's to find that he's watching her intently. She lets out a short laugh, shaking her head.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, but she thinks she knows; her nerves are starting to buzz.

"Why are you still with Brian?" Elliot clarifies. "I mean, do you even really like him?"

Olivia hadn't been prepared to answer a question like this. She licks her lips nervously, eventually shrugging her shoulders jerkily.

"I mean, he's a nice guy, I guess. We're still getting to know each other," she says slowly, her voice quieter now. "But what kind of question is that? You're the one who set us up, you must have thought we'd be good together. I mean, you said he was a good guy. Did you change your mind or something?" Elliot shakes his head quickly.

"I set you up because Brian asked me to. I didn't know you…" Elliot tries, but he doesn't finish that second statement. He glances away as he continues. "No, I didn't change my mind, but I didn't know he was going to treat you like that."

"Like what?" Olivia says, her stomach flipping.

"Like he was in there!" Elliot says, his voice raising. This startles Olivia, and he notices when he looks back at her. He lowers his voice, shaking his head. "His arms all over you, trying to kiss all over you, in front of everyone. I mean, you guys barely know each other, and he's acting like he's claiming his property or something…"

"I can take care of myself," Olivia says, her voice in that same steady whisper tone that she used to take with her mom. "What's it to you, anyway?"

"I'm just trying to look out for you," Elliot says, frustration on his face. He looks back at Olivia, trying to read her expression. "I mean, you don't have to get all defensive." He's right. Olivia shouldn't be getting so defensive, but she doesn't like standing out here on the sidewalk, with Elliot questioning her dating choices. That wasn't fair to her. Especially because she was only with Brian because of him. His tone seemed accusatory, and it felt an awful lot like she was being blamed for something. She shakes her head, not saying anything immediately. Elliot continues.

"I just want the best for you," he says.

"What is that? To you, Elliot. What's the best for me?" she asks, her voice hard. Elliot's hands come out of his jacket and he shrugs again.

"Not that!" he says, nodding at the inside of the bar. "I mean, you...you can do better than that. You don't even look like you're enjoying yourself."

"Well, I am," Olivia says. She had been, at least when she was talking to him earlier, and when she was talking to Alex. This might have been in spite of Brian's actions, but she isn't going to admit that now. "And even if I wasn't, it really wouldn't be any of your business." Elliot scoffs after this, his face looking hurt. She almost wants to take it back. But then he speaks up again.

"Listen," he begins. "I just don't want to see you end up in another relationship where you aren't happy, and you have to pretend like you are. You should be with someone different, someone who can listen to you…"

He trails off as he notices that the expression on Olivia's face had changed. She looks crushed. He'd gone too far. Before he can take his statement back, she speaks.

"Someone who listens to me?" Olivia says. Her voice is even quieter now, but angry. "Someone who listens and then takes the things I told them in confidence and uses them against me? I should have _never_ talked to you about that."

"Liv," Elliot tries. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Elliot," Olivia says. "I slipped up and confided in you. But that doesn't mean that you get to be in charge of who I date."

"I'm not trying to be," Elliot says quietly. He wants to reach for Olivia, but her whole body is tense, and he knows better. "I just…"

"That's what it seems like," Olivia says, her voice hard. "So quit it."

Elliot exhales softly, looking at her standing there in front of him, so upset, and so closed off. He hadn't meant for this conversation to go like this. But he knew, now he knew for sure, that Olivia didn't belong with Brian. He thought she knew too.

"Fine," he says. "Whatever. I'm headed home. Be safe."

So, Olivia returns to the table unaccompanied, trying to shed her anger. Elliot could be so infuriating. He was stubborn and insensitive, and it made her want to almost scream. She taps Brian's shoulder, knowing she won't be much fun for the rest of the night.

"I'm about to go," she says. "It's getting kind of late."

"Sure," Brian says, standing. "I'll walk you out." Olivia offers him a small smile and then grabs a napkin from the table, finding a pen in her purse and scrawling down her number.

"This is my cell," she says to Alex, handing her the napkin. "It was nice to meet you. Good to see you again, John."

They both say a quick goodbye, and then Brian walks Olivia out to her car. Her stomach is flip-flopping again. Elliot was annoying and bull-headed and a bit blunt, but he hadn't been wrong. She wanted him to be wrong, she really, really did, but he wasn't. And so, as she and Brian reach her car, she looks up at him, stopping on the sidewalk.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore," she says abruptly. Brian sighs softly, looking at her for a moment. Eventually, he nods.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, okay."

"I'm sorry," Olivia says. "I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, I just…"

"I get it," Brian says. "Trust me. I mean, I saw the way you and Elliot were in there, and we're nothing like that, so."

"What?" Olivia says, frowning slightly. She had, of course, been wondering if she and Elliot could be something (before tonight, at least) but she didn't think they'd acted particularly close or anything tonight. She's trying to figure out how she and Elliot 'were' exactly, but Brian just shakes his head. "You know, there's nothing going on between us."

"Yeah, I know," Brian says. "I asked before Elliot set us up, and he said there wasn't. But, I don't know. Maybe there should be."

He gets her door after this, signaling the end of the conversation. Olivia murmurs a thank you, and after she climbs in, she starts to shut the door, but Brian holds it for a moment.

"It was really nice getting to know you," he says kindly. He was a nice guy. Olivia knew that. She smiles at him, nodding.

"You too," she says. Brian shuts her door after this and she starts her car, pulling off after she gets settled. Her mind is racing, her stomach flip-flopping, but she couldn't tell why. She had just ended things with Brian and argued with Elliot, for the first time, really. They'd disagreed before, sure. When she started working for Planned Parenthood, they'd had a _long_ disagreement. But this was different. She had just started to fall for him, just started to become almost sure of things, and then this had happened. And still, for some reason, as mad as she was, she felt like maybe Elliot Stabler had been the person she was supposed to end up with all along.

God, she thinks to herself. It would have been so much easier if she had just never started dating again.

But still, when she pulls up in front of her apartment, she reaches for her cell, starting to dial a number she'd memorized a long time ago.


	12. Thanksgiving

This is late, I know, and I'm super sorry. I've been so busy (it was finals season) but I think this chapter will make up for the wait. Thanks so much for the reviews; continue to leave your thoughts below, please.

Chapter 11 – Thanksgiving

Elliot doesn't answer when Olivia calls. As soon as his voicemail clicks on, she glances at the clock of her car radio and realizes that he probably isn't even home yet. Sighing to herself, she hangs up without leaving a message and heads inside.

Elliot will call her back that night, twice. However, her courage has passed, and so she can't bring herself to answer the phone. She didn't know what she would say to him, anyway. She didn't know how she felt, even. She had thought about breaking up with Brian in the first place because of Elliot, really, but now that they were over, she was even less sure than she had originally been about any potential they had. She didn't need to be with someone who was going to try and control her life. She wouldn't go through that again.

So, she avoids talking to Elliot for the next week. It's easy when it's Kathy's week with the kids, but she's worried about the week after that. But still, she probably would have been able to make it through that next week with minimal contact, had it not been for two things: Thanksgiving, and her son Luke.

It begins on Monday night when Olivia picks Luke up from school. He shuffles into the backseat with his normal level of energy, and before Olivia can even ask how his day was, he's speaking excitedly.

"Can Dickie come over for Thanksgiving?" Olivia chuckles. This isn't the first time this question has been asked, and so she gives the answer she normally does.

"Luke, we've talked about this," she begins. "Thanksgiving is a holiday to spend with your family. Dickie's going to be spending it with his own parents."

"Not this year," Luke says, fast enough so that Olivia can tell he'd planned this conversation already. "He's staying with his dad this year for Thanksgiving, and he doesn't even _know_ how to make a turkey or stuffing or anything like that. I told Dickie they could just come over to our house and you could cook."

"Oh," Olivia says incredulously. "Well, thanks for letting me know."

"Sorry," Luke says, his cheeks red. He ducks his head down. "But they can come over, can't they? They're basically our family, too."

Olivia almost swears. It's a good move. Luke knows this, and a smile finds its way to his face. Just for good measure, he makes eye contact with Olivia in the mirror and adds a:

"Please, mom?"

Olivia huffs, making a quick turn before rolling the idea over in her mind. She still hadn't spoken to Elliot, which made things difficult. And while her apartment definitely wasn't small by New York standards, it wasn't extremely spacious either. But then she thinks about Elliot, running around and trying to prepare a turkey, and stuffing, and green beans for four kids. She supposed that if they all came over, it wouldn't really be too crowded. They could use the dining room table instead of the kitchen table, add a few chairs if needed…

She glances at her soon in the rear-view mirror again, a wide smile on his face. He already knew he'd won.

"I'll think about it."

•

Olivia calls Elliot after dinner. He picks up on the second ring.

"Hey, Liv," he says. Olivia's heart softens immediately. He sounds apologetic already. "I, uh, you know. How are you?"

"Good," Olivia says, not wanting to have a long conversation about the last time they'd seen each other. She'd be happy to forget it ever happened, really. "I heard you're doing Thanksgiving this year."

"I am," Elliot confirms, sighing. He seems to understand her eagerness to avoid talking about that Monday night and doesn't push. "I don't know how on earth I'm going to make it work, but…"

"Why don't you come over?" Olivia says, interrupting. This seems to catch Elliot off guard, so she continues. "Really. I always make way too much food, and I can show you some things. I know you haven't done it alone before."

"I haven't," Elliot says tentatively. He pauses for a moment. "Are you sure? I mean, there's five of us, that's not just one extra place setting." Olivia chuckles. It's very hard when speaking to him, to stay upset. Maybe that why she'd been avoiding him, really; she'd wanted to stay mad for a little while.

"I'm sure," Olivia says. "And it'll be fun. To have everyone together, you know?"

"Yeah," Elliot says. Olivia can almost hear him smiling. "Yeah, it would. Okay, sure. We'll come over."

"Okay," Olivia echoes. She's trying to fight back her own smile. "Good."

"I can bring something," Elliot says. "I don't want to show up empty-handed, you know? I mean, whatever you need. As long as I don't have to cook; that's probably best for everyone."

"You can bring drinks," Olivia says, chuckling. "And paper plates and utensils. I know people think you're supposed to eat on china at Thanksgiving, but…"

"We have kids," Elliot muses. "Okay. Drinks, utensils, plates, and napkins too, probably?"

"Yeah," Olivia says. "That sounds good. You guys can come over around 4 on Thursday if that's okay?"

"Perfect," Elliot says. "Thanks, Liv; this makes things a lot easier. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"It's no problem," Olivia says, but her stomach has done a flip-flop. "I'll see you Thursday."

"See you Thursday," Elliot says. "Bye."

"Bye."

After Olivia hangs up the phone, she catches sight of herself in her bedroom mirror. Her cheeks are red.

 _God_ , she is pathetic.

•

The night before Thanksgiving, Olivia dreams.

 _Towards the beginning of their marriage, Olivia and Jonathan went on dates a few times a month, usually once a week. They went to gallery openings and museums and jazz concerts, all depending on what was in the city, but Olivia's personal favorite was the symphony. The best performance she had attended had taken place in November of 1991, on a brisk Saturday night. The composer had introduced new music that night – a combination of songs inspired by hymnals and pastorals, and when the orchestra played it brought Olivia to tears. She couldn't quite place why it had touched her in the way that it had, but she knew that she would remember that night forever from the moment the first violin note rang out. She'd sat and absorbed everything she could: the low lighting, the severe look on the conductor's face, even Jonathan's hand clasping hers tightly. It was all awesome. All amazing. All perfect._

 _When they'd gotten back to their house, the music had still been floating around in Olivia's brain, overtaking her thoughts. That's why she hadn't noticed Jonathan's arms slipping around her waist and drawing her closer, and it's not until she feels his breath on the back of her neck and a nip on her ear that she's pulled back to the present._

 _"Not tonight," she'd said softly, trying to sound as remorseful as possible. But she didn't want to ruin the night, or the beautiful music, or the lovely dinner they'd had after they'd left the symphony. She wanted to remember how nice it felt to crunch leaves under her feet and walk to the tune of a song that made her feel light enough to fly. She wanted to remember the deafening applause at the end of the very last piece. She wanted to remember Jonathan's hand in hers, comforting and warm, not cold and groping against her skin in the dead of night._

 _But Jonathan had pushed. And Olivia had pushed back, emboldened by the orchestra and their music in her head. She didn't usually disagree with her husband so adamantly. That seemed to spark something in him. Sometimes, if she said that she wasn't in the mood, he'd leave her alone. Sometimes he'd talk her into bed anyway. But that night in November was the first time her forced her; pulling and dragging her back into the bedroom and forcing her dress down. She remembered that well. Her_ gorgeous _black gown, that shimmered in the light, strewn on the floor haphazardly. He'd pushed her back onto the bed afterward, his tone as honey sweet as it always was, contrasting his rough movements as he tugs Olivia's arms away from her naked chest. She's nearly frozen by this point. She wanted to fight back, and she knew she should have, but she just couldn't get any of her limbs to work._

 _"Please, my love," Olivia is pleading, her voice soft. The music in her head is getting louder. "Not tonight; I don't want to tonight."_

 _"Sh," Jonathan says, palming her breasts. His hands are cold, but his voice is_ warm _, inviting. Olivia shivers. "Just give me a second."_

 _Shortly after that, Olivia had drifted away. She goes back to the symphony, but now she sits in the theatre alone and the entire orchestra is playing just for her. A rising vibrato rings in her ears. She feels the cello notes in her belly, the harp in her toes, the tuba in her head. As they play, louder and louder, she begins crying again. This time, she knows why._

Olivia wakes with a start, her breathing rapid and her cheeks wet. She glances at the clock, wipes her face with her sleeve, and turns in bed before closing her eyes again.

•

At 3:45 on Thanksgiving Day, Olivia is frazzled. She doesn't want to chalk this up to nerves, because then she'd have to admit that having Elliot over made her nervous and that didn't make any sense at all, but she is definitely not functioning as well as she usually would. Her dream from the previous night was still bugging her, which was also odd. Olivia was no stranger to nightmares. They came almost every night. But this last one had felt so real, and every time she'd fallen back asleep it had come back just as clearly as it had before. When her alarm went off this morning, she'd almost expected to wake up to Jonathan's sweating body on top of her. It had taken a minute to climb out of bed, and even now, she felt like she would benefit from a nap.

Thankfully, Grace is napping now, but she had been fussy all morning, which, in addition to everything else, had made Olivia feel a little fussy herself. She stands at the stove now, her blouse slipping off of her shoulder, her hair clipped back because it was still a _little_ too short to be pulled up, tasting her gravy for the millionth time. It's missing something, she knows it is, but for the life of her, she can't remember what, which is absolutely absurd because she'd made this same gravy for around 10 years.

Luke passes by the kitchen, catching Olivia's eye. She catches sight of the oversized football jersey he's wearing and sighs as she calls him over.

"Luke, baby, what are you wearing?" she asks. "Can you put on a good shirt, please? Maybe the blue one."

"I can't play football in that," Luke responds. He sees his mother's confusion and explains. "Dickie said he and his dad always play football on Thanksgiving. I thought that since they were coming over, we'd all play."

"I don't know if that's gonna happen today," Olivia says, adding a little more pepper to the gravy. She tastes it again, still not satisfied. "You know we don't have a yard."

"The park isn't that far," Luke says, sounding a little let down. Olivia glances at her glum-looking son and her face softens. She nods for him to come closer.

"Here, taste this gravy for me," she says, grabbing another clean spoon and dipping it into the pot. "It's missing something."

Luke raises the spoon to his mouth and pauses a second, before scanning his eyes over the kitchen counter.

"Did you put in the vinegar?" he asks, dropping his spoon to the sink. Olivia shakes her head, leaning up and reaching into the cabinet.

"Cider vinegar, that's it," she says, grabbing the bottle. After adding a little to the pot, she grabs one last spoon and tastes it again before smiling at her son and pecking a quick kiss on his cheek. "Much better. Thank you; I love you."

"I love you, too, mom," Luke says, wiping her lipstick off of his face, his cheeks red. There's a quick knock on the door and Olivia puts a lid on the gravy before tapping Luke's shoulder.

"Blue shirt, with the collar, please," she asks, sending Luke back to his room to change. She wipes her hands on a dishtowel and heads to the door. Catching a look at herself in the mirror, she exhales and tries to straighten herself out quickly. Then finally, she opens the doors, revealing five very cheery looking Stabler's.

"Happy Thanksgiving," they all crow as Olivia steps aside to let them into the apartment. There's a quick shuffle as everyone's coats come off. Olivia shakes her head slightly to herself as she catches sight of Dickie's Giants jersey, then raises her eyes to Elliot, who is smiling at her.

"Hey," he says, pulling her into a quick hug, at least as well as he can with the grocery bags in his hands. "Feels like I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah," Olivia says softly - as if she hadn't noticed. She leads the group further into the house and addresses the two older girls first. "Hi, Maureen, Kathleen. There's a game on in the living room, but you can change the channel of course."

"Thanks, Liv," Kathleen says, smiling shyly at Olivia. She and her older sister head for the TV, leaving Olivia with the twins and Elliot.

"Luke's changing right now, he'll be out in a minute," she informs Dickie. He nods and takes one of the bags from his dad.

"We can start setting the table," Dickie offers, leading Lizzie to the dining room table, and leaving Olivia and Elliot alone. Elliot shakes his head in disbelief slightly as Olivia leads him to the kitchen.

"A totally different kid, from the moment we step into your building," he says, setting the remaining grocery bags on the table before glancing at Olivia. He pauses for a minute, looking back at the kids before lowering his voice slightly. "So, Liv, about what happened at the bar…"

"Don't worry about it," Olivia says, smiling tightly and deflecting as quickly as she can.

"So, these are the drinks? You can stick them in the freezer to chill if you want." Elliot does as instructed, nodding slowly. His eyes follow her as she moves around the kitchen.

"Yeah, there's a chocolate cake, too. Store-bought, of course, but I didn't feel like I was doing enough," he says, smiling slightly. Olivia glances at him and shakes her head.

"It's really no trouble," she says, lifting the cake out of the bag. "It's good that we have another dessert though. There's a pumpkin pie in the fridge, but that was all I made."

"All you made?" Elliot says, motioning to the kitchen around them, "Olivia, this is enough food to feed a fleet. I really feel like I owe you…"

"You don't," Olivia assures, shaking her head. She glances around the kitchen, starting to point out dishes. "It wasn't all that hard. There's turkey, gravy, stuffing, green beans, carrots, potatoes, and rolls. Now, I know what the twins eat, and Kathleen sort of, but I wasn't sure about Maureen..."

"Olivia," Elliot interrupts, bringing her eyes back to him before shaking his head. "This is amazing. You're amazing. Thank you for having us. Really."

Olivia smiles slightly, flicking her eyes away and busying herself with finding the thermometer for the food. Elliot smile only widens slowly as he watches her. He'd missed spending time with Olivia. And he'd been extremely afraid that she'd been mad at him, especially when she hadn't answered the phone on that night, but it seemed like for now, at least, they were okay. He'd need to talk to her, to be sure, but he understood that this wasn't the time. He'd find a way to speak to her before they left.

He notices - because it's hard not to notice - that she looks particularly nice today. Her hair has been pulled away from her face, and her shirt kept falling down one shoulder, exposing her olive toned skin. She blows a piece of hair out of her face and shrugs to fix her shirt now, but it just falls down again. Her hands are occupied, and so Elliot steps in and guides her shirt back over her shoulder. She glances over at him, trying her hardest not to blush.

"Thanks," she says. Elliot leans against the counter and nods, his eyes running over her face. She pulls her eyes away as quickly as she can, moving to open the oven and put a few of the dishes inside. Elliot wonders briefly if she is still seeing Brian.

"So," Elliot begins, getting Olivia to glance up at him. "Is anyone else coming over? Brian, maybe?"

"No, it's just us," Olivia says, not looking away from the oven. When she straightens up she notices the look on Elliot's face and sighs softly, deciding to answer his unasked question. "We aren't seeing each other anymore."

"Oh," Elliot answers, trying to sound surprised. "I'm sorry."

"Save it," Olivia says, offering a small smile to show him that she's not still upset. "You made it clear that didn't like us together very much."

"That's not true," Elliot says. "I just…"

Olivia looks over at him again and he offers a sheepish smile.

"Okay," he says. "Maybe I didn't."

"It's alright," Olivia says. "We weren't the best fit." She wipes her hands on a dishtowel and thinks for a moment about Brian's suggestion that she and Elliot end up together. She steals another glance at Elliot before chastising herself. Now is not the time to be wondering about her and Elliot's relationship. She needs to change the subject.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" Elliot is asking, just as Luke passes by the kitchen. This is good, Olivia thinks. Maybe she just needs a little distance; a second to collect herself.

"Well, the food is pretty much done, I just want to make sure everything's heated up," she says, turning to make sure the oven is on. "But there is one thing?"

"Sure," Elliot says, moving away from the counter.

"Could you take the boys to the park?" she asks. "It's just down the block, and Luke was expecting to play football with you. You don't have to stay for that long, maybe 15 minutes. When you come back everything will be ready and we can eat."

"Of course," Elliot says, nodding. "That's no problem. I'll go get them."

He steps out of the kitchen, giving Olivia a chance to exhale and try her hardest to shake the fog that had crept into her brain.

•

Things move a little more smoothly after Elliot leaves. Olivia is able to heat everything up, and true to her word, by the time the boys come back and wash up, everything is set up.

Knowing that she has to distance herself from Elliot if she plans to make it through this dinner, Olivia sits them on opposite ends of the table. This will prevent him from leaning in and whispering corny jokes to her, and therefore keep her from somehow falling for that same routine for the millionth time. When they sit down, Elliot does look a little sad to be so far away from Olivia, but he doesn't say anything.

Dinner goes well. Most of the conversation is focused on the kids. They talk about school and Maureen's college search and extracurriculars. Elliot only addresses her a few times to tell her that the food is amazing. Olivia is happy to hear that Kathleen will be attending public school next year and that her parents had signed her up for painting lessons. Dickie and Luke spend a long time talking about the science fair with Elliot, and while they discuss this, Olivia goes to get a now awake Grace. By the time she manages to finish feeding her daughter and herself, it's almost 7 pm and everyone is stuffed.

The boys volunteered to clear the table and load the few dishes that there were into the dishwasher. This makes Elliot shoot a look at Olivia, who winks, before going back to the kitchen to help put away leftovers. She comes back to the table after a minute, as Luke had insisted that he could take care of everything.

"They're such good kids," Olivia muses as she sits back at the table. Elliot nods in agreement before sticking out his tongue and making Grace laugh. Over the course of dinner, Olivia's youngest had somehow migrated to his lap.

When the boys come back, they seem to be discussing something. Luke speaks up first.

"Mom, can we all watch the movie together?" he asks. Olivia clicks her tongue.

"It's getting kind of late, bud," she says. "Elliot and his family might have other plans."

"Movie?" Elliot asks.

"We watch _A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_ every year," Olivia explains. "It's a weird thing. Jonathan used to do it." Olivia notices Elliot tense slightly at the mention of her late husband, but he recovers quickly.

"Well, if it's a tradition, we wouldn't mind staying," Elliot says, looking around at his kids. Maureen and Kathleen both nod sleepily. It's nice at Olivia's house. It feels warm, and besides, they're full and tired and don't feel much like going anywhere anyway. "Only if that's okay with you, of course."

"It's fine with me," Olivia assures. "You want to set the VHS player up, Luke?'

"Yes!" he says, nudging Dickie and running back to his room to grab the tape. Olivia chuckles, standing and guiding everyone else over to the living room. The older girls sit on the loveseat together, looking like they could fall asleep at any time. Olivia, who had been tired way back at 8 am, isn't far behind. She sits on the couch with Elliot next to her, Grace still in his lap. Elliot is quick to lay his free arm behind her and Olivia, searching for distance, moves to the side and pats the space in between them.

"Lizzie, you can sit with us," she says to the youngest girl. Lizzie plops in between them, granting Olivia the barrier she'd wanted. The boys return with the tape, and Luke puts it into the VCR player and turns the TV on.

"I forgot to rewind it," he groans, making his way to the couch. He sits on the other side of Elliot, and Dickie sits between Lizzie and Olivia, yawning along with Kathleen. Elliot chuckles.

"It's your turkey," he tells Olivia. "Which was great, by the way. Everything was."

"Thank you," Olivia says, smiling softly as she leans on her elbow. "I'm glad you all enjoyed it."

"I'm glad we came," Maureen says. "Dad was going to end up making spaghetti or something if he was left on his own."

"What's so wrong with that?" Elliot asks, making the girls giggle. Grace stirs on his lap, and he positions her so that she can lay her head on his shoulder and close her eyes.

"There," Luke says triumphantly, pressing play as the movie reaches the beginning. He sets the remote down and wiggles backward, getting comfortable. Elliot manages to catch Olivia's eye, and he smiles a little.

"I bet we all fall asleep before it's over," he whispers as Olivia reaches up to turn off the main light, leaving only the lamp to light the room. She chuckles softly as she leans back into the couch, yawning despite her reply.

"It's only 30 minutes long," she says. "I'm sure we can make it."

•

Of course, Elliot had known what he was talking about. Olivia doesn't even remember closing her eyes, but when she opens them, she's staring at the frozen TV screen, stuck on the last credits frame. She blinks a few times, eventually, managing to look down at her watch. It's just after 9. She looks up and around the room. The two older girls are fast asleep on the loveseat. Lizzie and Luke are both leaning on Elliot's arms, and Grace is out on his chest. Elliot himself has his head back and is snoring lightly. This makes Olivia chuckle to herself. She glances back down slightly and can't help but smile when she sees Dickie, his head in her lap. She runs a hand through his hair gently. Luke really had picked a great best friend. Dickie was a good kid, with a good family. Maybe Luke hadn't been exaggerating all that much when he'd said they were all basically family anyway.

Olivia looks over to her right again and finds that her eyes freeze on Elliot, nearly buried under three children. He's a good dad. He's a good guy altogether. She had been doing such a good job at distracting and distancing herself that they hadn't really had the chance to talk about anything today, but the truth was that she'd enjoyed spending this time with him. They always had a good time when they got together.

Grace stirs now slightly, whining a little. She can't be all that comfortable. Olivia suspects that no one is. So, making a quick decision, she rubs Dickie's back lightly, getting him to wake up a little.

"Huh," he mutters, leaning up and rubbing his eyes. Olivia's smile widens, and she nods at Luke.

"Wake up Luke, go sleep in his room. Take your sister. You can both wear some of his clothes," Olivia says quietly. Dickie nods tiredly, standing and going over to shake Lizzie and Luke gently. The three of them trudge back to Luke's room. When they're gone, Olivia takes Grace, moving slowly enough not to disturb Elliot, and then goes over to the older girls and wakes them gently.

"Hey," she says to them. "Go back to my room. You guys can sleep in there. There are pajamas in the dresser."

"Okay," Kathleen says softly, rubbing her eyes. She nudges Maureen, who'd been nodding back off and together they head to the back. Olivia follows, yawning to herself before taking Grace back into her room, changing her clothes, and laying her down in her crib. As she does this, the initial shuffling noises of everyone moving and getting ready to sleep subside. When she steps back out, she checks in on the other 5 sleeping children, then grabs clothes for she and Elliot to change into.

Elliot is awake – or mostly awake – when she gets back to the living room. He's sitting up on the couch, still looking half-asleep.

"I woke up and everyone was gone," he says, his voice a little raspy from sleep. Olivia's heart jolts for some stupid reason, and she nods, trying to ignore it.

"I sent all the kids back to go to bed," she says. "It's late."

"Oh," Elliot says, beginning to close his eyes again. "Okay."

"El," Olivia says to get his attention again, mildly amused. He looks back at her and she passes him the sweats she's holding. "That means we're stuck with the couch, though. Here are some clothes."

"These are mine," Elliot says, inspecting the sweatpants. "Where'd you get these?"

"You," Olivia answers, turning away to change. It's dim, and she is tired, so she doesn't care all that much, but she swears that when she slips out of her jeans and into a pair of shorts, she can feel Elliot's eyes on her. "The weekend I had that first date with Brian. Remember?"

"Right," Elliot says, standing and turning around so that his back is facing Olivia. He starts to change as well. " _Brian_."

"Oh, come on," Olivia says, slipping the t-shirt she had over her head. She tosses her day clothes onto the loveseat before plopping back onto the couch. "It's over anyway."

"I know," Elliot says, turning back to her, now dressed in sweats and an undershirt. He puts his extra clothes next to Olivia's before sitting next to her and wrapping his arms around her. It was clear that this was something he'd wanted to do for a long time. Olivia was too tired to act like she didn't enjoy it. She curls up against his chest as they lay back, adjusting and getting comfortable. Earlier, Olivia had been nervous. But, now, for some reason, with the sun down, peering at Elliot in only the light of the lamp, she felt at ease. She felt safe. This was almost too easy, being with him. It was always at times like these that it was hard to remember her worries, her fears, her reasons for not pursuing Elliot. "I hope that's not because of me."

"No," Olivia says softly, inhaling the faint smell of Elliot's cologne. "It's not."

"Good," Elliot says. There's a small pause. One of his hands strokes her waist gently, and Olivia shivers. This was why she'd spent so much time trying to avoid him today, maybe. The second she let her guard down, she fell into him immediately. And it didn't matter, if they had been arguing, or if they were around other people. They fit together, that had always been clear.

Elliot continues, tracing over her skin. "I'm sorry, for the way I talked to you."

"It's okay," Olivia murmurs, closing her eyes. She's drifting off, only half-listening.

"And I'm sorry, for what I insinuated about your marriage. That wasn't fair."

"Mm."

"I just care a lot about you, you know?"

"I know."

"I mean…" There's another brief pause here. Elliot's hands stop moving over Olivia's skin, and she almost whines in protest, but instead, she just looks up at Elliot, who's concentrating. "I mean, I love you, you know?"

This is enough to bring Olivia out of her dreamlike state. She leans up on Elliot's chest a little, looking him in the eye.

"What?" she asks. Elliot's eyes don't leave hers.

"You're my best friend," he explains. Olivia's heart falls just slightly. For a moment, just a moment she'd thought that he'd meant something else. And that was insane, she knew, but words had sent a wave of butterflies throughout her whole body. She didn't know what to make of that.

"I just want you to be happy," Elliot finishes. Olivia realizes she's still staring at him and blinks, shaking her head quickly.

"I am," she says softly. "When I'm with you, at least, I am."

She doesn't know where this comes from. But as soon as she says it, she realizes it's true. She remembers, faintly, all of the Thanksgiving's before this one, and realizes quickly that today has been one of the best she'd had in her entire life. That was due to Elliot. He made her happy. Emboldened by the darkness, she is able to admit that out loud.

Elliot tilts his head slightly, watching her. They're slipping into another one of those moments. One of those moments where Olivia wants nothing more than to kiss Elliot as deeply as she can, where she wants him to pull her in and not let go. This is what she'd been trying to avoid all day, but it didn't really matter. The moment will pass, she knows. The moment always passes.

Except for this time, it doesn't.

No lights come back on. No one interrupts them. No one says any dumb joke to lighten the mood. It's just Olivia and Elliot, staring at each other, wrapped up in each other's arms, both waiting for the other to make the first move.

It's Elliot that leans in to close the gap. But it's Olivia that presses her lips to his. They kiss slowly, briefly. It's a tentative kiss, a question almost. When they pull apart they're both staring at each other again, waiting for the other to say something.

"I'm…" Olivia begins, searching for words. Suddenly, she had no vocabulary. Her head feels like it's filled with fog. All she can focus on his the smell of Elliot's cologne, and how firm his chest is under her body. It takes awhile for her to clear her head and say something coherent. "I'm sorry." This is a reflex. It doesn't make any sense for her to be sorry, and she doesn't really know that she is, but she says it anyway.

"Me too," Elliot says quietly. "That was..."

"Weird," Olivia finishes. She's begun to backtrack now, and it's hard to stop herself. "And we're tired."

"We should just go to sleep," Elliot suggests. He seems to understand. Almost at least. The look in his eye is different, curious. Olivia nods slowly. She lays her head on his upper chest, and Elliot's left arm tightens around her waist.

"Goodnight," she says.

"Goodnight," Elliot says. There's a brief moment of quiet. And then, in what feels like slow-motion, Elliot's free hand is tilting Olivia's chin up, and they're kissing again. Olivia doesn't know why, but she can't bring herself to stop. On so many different occasions, she'd wondered what this would feel like. And it's _better_ than she had imagined really. Her mind is still groggy, but she knows that Elliot's lips are soft against hers. That every time he leans in, sparks shoot throughout her body. It feels _good_ to kiss Elliot. It feels so good.

Neither of them pulls away until they absolutely have to in order to catch their breath. Afterward, Olivia blinks at Elliot slowly, unable to process anything other than how tired she is.

"Night," Olivia repeats quietly, her head spinning. She lays her head back on Elliot's chest.

"Night," Elliot answers. He starts to run his fingers across her skin again. Olivia exhales softly.

She doesn't have another bad dream that night.


	13. Five More Minutes

AN: It's been so long, I know. I've just been busy with work and scholarship applications etc. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter; it is really short, just a scene honestly, but I wanted to give you all something to read. If you've been here since the beginning you mean so much to me! Thank you all for waiting so patiently (and for the reviews that came in during my unintentional hiatus), read on.

ps: I was on hiatus for an entire summer, this is just like the real show :) Hire me NBC.

Chapter 12 – Five More Minutes

It's not often that Olivia wakes up comfortably, and so when she does, it's a particularly lovely treat. As she begins to stir on the morning after Thanksgiving, her partially awake brain registers her surroundings slowly, piece by piece. First, she becomes aware of Elliot's arm around her midsection, his hand just slipped under the hem of her shirt so that she can feel his warm skin against hers. Then, it's the stubborn, still-lingering scent of the cologne that Elliot saved for special occasions, a pleasant mix of cedar and apple. Next, it's the movement of Elliot's chest against her back, then the evenness of his breathing, and his legs entangled in hers. Olivia tries to remember it all, to freeze the moment so that on another day when Elliot isn't here, she'll be able to recall all of these small things and find comfort in them.

She wants to fall back asleep. She doesn't want to move or alter the moment, even in the slightest. But her brain is waking up, however slowly, and after a few minutes, she knows that she might as well open her eyes. And so begrudgingly, she does just that, blinking at the sunlight filtering in through the blinds.

Now that she is fully awake, the comfort she'd felt just a few minutes is starting to melt away; her legs filled with lactic acid from their cramped position are starting to nag her. She wiggles a little, intending to stand up, but Elliot's grip on her waist tightens.

"Fivemoreminutes," he seems to mutter, his eyes still closed, fluttering beneath his lids as if he's in a dream. Olivia feels a smile appear on her face and she turns as slowly as she can, straightening her legs and coming face to face with Elliot.

He's attractive, even in sleep. Olivia's eyes trace slowly over the features that she'd learned over the past few years. The intense brow, the slightly-pointed ears, the shadow of a beard that she didn't often get to see. Her eyes fall on his lips. She'd kissed them last night, for the very first time, and even though she knew that that had been a very big deal and something they'd have to discuss, all she could think about right at this moment was how nice it would be to get to kiss him again.

She raises a hand to his face, tracing over a jaw that seemed almost too soft for the face it was on. The logistics of having kissed Elliot, the questions it posed – that was a problem for later. In the dim sunlight, her face just inches away from a man that she'd had on her mind for so long, Olivia didn't care about much of anything. She just knew how she felt. And right now, she felt like kissing Elliot.

She leans in slightly, her lips just a few centimeters away from Elliot's. But just as her eyes close, she remembers:

She hadn't yet brushed her teeth.

And it's almost funny, that this small detail is what pulls her away. She opens her eyes, taking one last look at Elliot's sleeping face before managing to pull herself out of his arms and stand.

She goes to the bathroom first, washing up and of course, brushing her teeth. She tries her hardest to keep her hands busy, as not to give herself too much time to think, but as each minute passes, reality sets in a little more, and by the time she dries her hands off, the nice bubble she'd been in just a few minutes ago had popped. It was morning, and Elliot wasn't hers to kiss.

After leaving the bathroom, Olivia checks in on each of the children. None of them are awake yet, and when she steps into the kitchen, she sees that it's only half-past eight. Taking a breath, she grabs a glass and fills it at the sink before taking a small sip. Elliot isn't near her now, but he's still in her mind. Unfortunately, so are all the reasons why they can't be together. He was Kathy's ex-husband. If they got together and broke up, the kids would be crushed, and she'd lose him as a friend. And he'd hurt her, outside the bar the other night. He'd been trying to apologize last night, she knew, but she hadn't been really listening. And she knew it wasn't fair of her, but she was still upset about it, deep down.

But that didn't mean that her crush on him had completely disappeared. That's all it was really, right? A crush.

She leans back against the counter and lets her mind wander. Pushing the doubts to the back of her mind, she thinks of Elliot tilting her head up, tries to feel his lips on hers again. She allows herself to wonder, just for a minute, what could have happened if they hadn't been so tired. She imagines the feeling of Elliot's mouth on her neck and her heart pounds inside her chest.

"Liv," interrupts a deep voice, still gravely from sleep. It startles her, and as her eyes snap open, she almost drops her glass. Elliot steps in to steady her hands.

"Sorry," he says, catching her eye. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," Olivia says, glancing away, afraid that the color of her cheeks will give her thoughts away. She sets her glass on the counter before turning back to Elliot, who looks concerned.

"Are you still tired?" he asks, wringing his hands. They'd been damp when he touched Olivia. He must have just come from washing up in the bathroom. "We can go back and lay down."

"No," Olivia says, her cheeks definitely flushed now from his use of the word "we." "I was just thinking."

"Oh," Elliot says casually. He reaches up next to Olivia and grabs his own glass. "About last night?"

It takes Olivia a moment to respond. When Elliot finishes filling his glass with water and looks back at her, she's conveniently playing with a thread at her shirt's hem.

"Yeah," she says eventually, gaining the courage to raise her eyes to Elliot's. He's smiling, but she can tell that he's nervous.

"We did kiss, didn't we?" Elliot asks slowly. Olivia finally smiles, nodding with a small chuckle. "I didn't imagine it or anything?"

"Yeah, we did," Olivia confirms. Elliot steps in a little closer, and she swears she can feel her heart beating in her ears.

"Good," he says. "Otherwise that question would have been really embarrassing."

Olivia doesn't know what to say next. Half of her brain tells her to say that last night didn't need to change anything. And the other half wanted to tell Elliot that she hadn't been able to get him off of her mind for even a second this morning. Elliot appears to be waiting, and so she opens her mouth, not sure which side of her mind she's going to listen to, but then Elliot interrupts.

"What happened at the bar," he says. "I mentioned it last night. But I need you to know how sorry I am."

"I know," Olivia begins, but Elliot shakes his head slightly and continues.

"Olivia, what I said was unfair. And it was stupid of me to even bring that up. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me. There's no excuse for that."

He means what he says. Olivia can see it in his face. She watches him set his glass down and run a hand through his short hair.

"It's just—" he begins, his face folded in concentration. "It made me so angry, to see Brian touching all over you like he was. He's my friend, I know, but that night I wanted to punch him straight in the mouth." He meets Olivia's eyes, continuing.

"You don't deserve to be with a guy who mistreats you. Not Brian, not Jonathan, not me. Because you're the best person in the world. I mean, you're caring. And you're patient. With the kids, and with me. You listen. You're there for people when they need you. You put everyone else first. You make people laugh. You get things done. And you're _gorgeous_ , I mean, Olivia, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met and the idea of someone treating you like that burns me up—"

Olivia steps in now, standing on her toes and slipping her arms around Elliot's neck before pressing her lips to Elliot's with as much purpose as she can. She kisses him slowly, trying to ignore the feeling of all of her nerves lighting up at once, and he kisses back, his hands going around her waist. She pulls back after a second, but Elliot holds onto her waist, keeping her pressed to him.

"When you said—" Olivia says, catching her breath, her voice barely above a whisper. "When you said what you did, I felt like you were _blaming_ me..."

"I wasn't," Elliot says. "I would never. I was stupid and jealous and out of line, but I would never blame you for something like that."

Olivia turns these words over in her head for a moment, then looks up at Elliot, eyebrows raised.

"Jealous?"

It's Elliot's turn to blush now. His cheeks turn rosy as he nods slightly.

"Yes, jealous," Elliot says, not seeming to want to expound up this. Olivia doesn't mind though. She doesn't want to stop and think for too long, lest her doubts and everything else come back from their place in the back of her mind. She does manage to say a few words, though, before she leans back in to capture Elliot's lips in her own once more.

"There was never a reason for you to be jealous."


	14. A Midmorning Jog

AN: Hi, hello. Not too much to say; sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy, read & review please, etc., etc. Another short chapter, but it's always so hard to find time to write during the school year. Thanks for reading.

Chapter 13 – A Midmorning Jog

Olivia regretted ever opening her mouth and complaining about the temperature of her office.

It seemed that after a few weeks of her complaining about the warmth of the small room, her boss had finally listened. But now, it seemed like the heating had been turned off completely. As a result, her office was an icebox. She sat at her desk now, her coat still on, trying to ignore the slowly spreading numbness of her fingertips.

It seems like it's impossible to focus on her work. She clicks her tongue and sets down her pen, deciding to sit on her hands to attempt to warm them. As she does this, and as she gives up on focusing on the stack of paperwork in front of her, she makes the mistake of letting her mind wander. And of course, her subconscious leads her to a memory she had been trying very hard not to dwell on.

The day after Thanksgiving.

Olivia looks around the room, with one last feeble attempt to distract herself, but fails in finding anything that her brain deems more important than the memory of Elliot's warm arms around her…

 _"_ _There was never a reason for you to be jealous," she'd said._

 _That statement had seemed to spark something in Elliot. When his lips landed on hers he kissed her so deeply that her knees had nearly buckled beneath her. Elliot's arm around her back had provided a sufficient amount of support but she'd leaned into him anyways in a moment of girlish weakness. His grip on her waist had tightened as they kissed, and she'd inhaled sharply, giving Elliot an opportunity to deepen the kiss that he'd readily taken. At that point, Olivia had felt her head begin to spin; the only thing pulling her back to Earth was a soft tug in her navel that she hadn't felt for_ such _a long time. Her hands, resting at the nape of his neck, moved on their own to pull him in closer. It had felt like there was no one else but them in the world._

Olivia shivers in her seat now – just a little. Her fingertips felt much warmer now, and she slipped them out from under her thighs and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to recall how nice it'd felt to be held so closely by Elliot.

With how, ahem, intensely she'd been feeling on that morning, had they not been interrupted when they were, Olivia may have further tested the limits of her relationship with Elliot. Of course, that meant that it was probably best that they had been forced to separate.

 _Elliot's free hand had slipped up to cradle her jaw. An involuntary sigh of satisfaction slipped from Olivia's mouth and she felt Elliot smile against her lips in response. Olivia was starting to crave more touch; her worries were the farthest they'd ever been from her mind. So, slowly, she slid one of her hands down and moved it to cover the one Elliot had on her lower back, guiding it up under the hem of her shirt to graze against her bare skin…_

 _"_ _Shit!" comes from a voice from the hallway. In a fraction of a second, Olivia's conscious comes back from wherever it had floated off to and she shoves Elliot off her roughly, her eyes flicking towards the entrance to the kitchen._

 _Maureen appears after a moment, half-hopping in and cradling her right foot. Her eyebrows raise in surprise when she sees Elliot and Olivia, and her cheeks flush. A sinking feeling had quickly appeared in Olivia's stomach, but it seemed that Maureen was focused on something else._

 _"_ _Ah, sorry, Dad," she says slowly. "I stepped on a toy." It takes Olivia a few seconds to realize that the exclamation that had caused her to push Elliot away was a swear word. Anyway, there was no need for Maureen to apologize. Elliot was still staring at Olivia in a painstakingly intense way, catching his breath. Olivia doubted he'd even heard his daughter._

 _Her theory is confirmed when Elliot finally looks away from her and his eyes find Maureen, his brows raising in surprise._

 _"_ _I don't usually say that," Maureen tries, but Elliot just shakes his head, looking a little confused._

 _"_ _S'okay," he says. "You're up early." His tone on the second half of the statement makes it sound like he'd rather Maureen be asleep, at least to Olivia._

 _"_ _I got hungry," Maureen explains, flicking her eyes over to Olivia as if asking why her father is acting so strangely. "Are there any rolls left over?"_

 _"_ _Here," Olivia says, stepping towards the kitchen table and away from Elliot, uncovering the basket that sat in the center. "I'm about to start on breakfast."_

 _"_ _Thanks, Liv," Maureen says, grabbing a roll. She glances back at her uncharacteristically silent father one more time before exiting the kitchen._

 _After she's gone, Olivia recovers the bread basket and exhales, letting some of her nerves leave her body. However, Elliot shifts to stand behind her, and lightly touches her waist, making every hair on her person stand up._

 _"_ _You're not cooking breakfast," he says. "Not after last night, I can't let you do that."_

 _"_ _They have to eat, Elliot," Olivia says, her voice hushed. She clears her throat and tries to tell herself to get a grip. "It's really no problem."_

 _"_ _No," Elliot says, his voice firm. Olivia wished her heart would stop_ pounding _. "I'll go pick up some food, okay?" Olivia nearly told him to stay. Nearly pulled him back into her to kiss him again. But instead, she just nodded and offered a small smile._

 _"_ _Okay."_

 _After that, Olivia hadn't gotten to spend any time with Elliot really or to muse over what had really occurred. While he was gone, she got the kids up and made sure everyone was ready. Then, once Elliot had gotten back, they'd all had a rather noisy breakfast. Eventually, Elliot just got up and told the kids that it was time to get out of Olivia's hair. After a quick clean up, he'd managed to usher his family out of the front door, only having time to give Olivia a quick hug and whisper: "I'll call you."_

And that about brought Olivia to the present. Only Elliot hadn't called. And that had only been Friday she supposed, and it was only Tuesday now, but she had truthfully expected him to call that same night. But he hadn't, and now here she was replaying the scene from the kitchen in her head and wondering if Elliot had been a little too blasé about the whole thing. He had been, hadn't he? They had never done anything like what they had that Friday, and now he wasn't even in a rush to talk to her, which seemed out of character. She had expected to be doing the "avoiding the conversation" bit but it seemed like Elliot had decided not to even give her the chance.

She huffs to herself now, her pleasant mood from just a few moments ago melting into tentative insecurity. In any case, she doesn't feel any readier to work than she did when she started this entire internal musing and to top it all off, her chill had come back.

She glances around the room once more, her eyes landing on her workout bag, lone and forgotten in the corner. It had been a while since she'd gone for a run in the park. And it wasn't like she was any warmer than she'd be outside right now. A jog might even warm her up if she paced herself correctly.

Making her decision, she stands and shakes her legs a little to bring some feeling into them, then grabs her workout bag from the corner and heads into the bathroom to change.

* * *

It doesn't take Olivia very long to regret her decision. The cold air stings her lungs, and it seems like her gloves do little to guard her fingers against the cold. It almost seemed like her body had forgotten what it was like to work out. When she stops by a bench to take a break about 30 minutes in, her hands on her knees as she attempts to slow her breathing, she is somehow both sweating and chilly at the same time.

She doesn't get to take more than a couple of breaths before she hears someone call "Olivia!" is a gasping voice. As she looks up, she sees a blonde woman in athletic pants approaching. When the woman gets a little closer, Olivia manages to identify her.

"Alex, isn't it?" she asks, surprised. Alex nods, panting as she reaches Olivia. It takes her a few seconds to catch her breath before she responds.

"Yeah," she says, sucking in another breath. "I saw you run past about 5 minutes ago. If you hadn't stopped, I don't think I would have been able to catch you."

"You're flattering me," Olivia says, a small smile on her lips. "It's nice to see you."

"You too," Alex says, returning Olivia's smile. "Do you run over here often? I don't think I've seen you before."

"I haven't been out here in a while," Olivia admits. "I'm paying for it now of course."

"I heard running was good for stress," Alex says, pushing back a glove to check her watch. "But I think it's causing more than it relieves." Olivia chuckles and Alex smiles.

"I have to be back at the courthouse before 1," Alex continues. "Do you mind if I run with you for a few minutes though? It seems like keeping up with you would be a good pacer." Olivia lets out a small noise of surprise, but nods, smiling sheepishly.

"Sure," she says. "I don't mind at all."

* * *

After another 20 minutes, Olivia and Alex are both sufficiently tired. As they stretch out on a bench near the entrance to the park, Olivia gains the courage to ask Alex about Elliot.

"Hey, have you talked to Elliot at all?" she asks as she reaches for her toes, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"I haven't in the past week or so, but I haven't had to go by the precinct," Alex says. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Olivia says. When she leans up, she sees that Alex is looking at her expectantly, so she concedes. "I just hadn't heard from him in a couple of days."

"Oh," Alex says. After a moment she shrugs. "Have you tried calling him?"

"Um," Olivia says, her cheeks turning red. Luckily, this can be blamed on the cold air. She hadn't really considered just picking up the phone and calling Elliot herself. She didn't even know what she'd say. "No, I hadn't."

"Well, maybe try that," Alex says, but when Olivia looks at her, she looks amused.

"Yeah, maybe I should," Olivia mumbles, now embarrassed. There's a brief pause before she continues. "I'm going to go ahead and head back, but it was really nice to run into you-"

"Olivia, Elliot really likes you," Alex interjects, her tone soft. "I know he was worried about stepping on Brian's toes at the bar, but he wants to be with you. And I hope I'm not out of line, but I just though you should know. Whatever you decide to do."

 _He wants to be with you._

Olivia's mind leaves her body for just a moment as she remembers his lips on hers, wonders what would have happened if Maureen had just stayed in bed for a few more minutes. She can almost feel him lifting her onto the counter, gripping her waist…

"Olivia," Alex says, interrupting her thoughts. She looks a bit worried. "I didn't mean to overstep."

"No," Olivia says, smiling to reassure Alex. "You didn't. Thanks for letting me know."

"Oh," Alex says. "Okay then."

"And Brian and I...we aren't a thing anymore," Olivia adds, although she doesn't know why she finds this information necessary to include. But Alex smiles slightly, and Olivia feels that she understands.

"Alright," she says, glancing down at her watch briefly, her eyes widening when she sees the time. "Oh, I really need to get back. Thanks for letting me run with you. We should do it again sometime."

"Sure," Olivia says, surprising herself. "I'll call you."

"And Elliot," Alex prods, with what appears to be a sly grin on her face.

"And Elliot," Olivia confirms, nodding slightly. Alex smile widens as she waves a little, then turns and walks away. Olivia watches her for a little while, then takes a breath and begins her walk back to the office.

* * *

As she walks, Olivia tries to collect her thoughts as best she can. She's going to call Elliot when she gets back to the office, and even though there's only a slim chance he'll be able to pick up at this time of day, she wants to have her thoughts organized just in case he does.

 _I like you. I do. But with the kids, and with Kathy, it just doesn't seem like it would be a good idea for us to pursue anything romantic at the time…_

Ugh. It was so _formal,_ and it sounded rehearsed and fake, and honestly, the more she ran the words over in her mind, the less Olivia believed they were true. It seemed like the closer Olivia got to Elliot, the harder it was to care about why they might not work. He did something to her, made all of her senses run in overdrive. She wondered if she'd even be able to get two words out on the phone if he picked up.

As she steps into her building, she decides that it'll be best for her to take a quick shower in the locker room to calm her nerves, and then maybe by the time she comes back down to her office, she'll have thought of something better to say on the phone.

She walks through the lobby, going down the hallway and heading to her office to grab a change of clothes. But when she opens the door, she freezes as she sees Elliot, carefully removing takeout containers from a paper bag at her desk. Her breath catches in her throat, and she coughs, getting Elliot to turn around.

He smiles when he sees her, although he looks more nervous than usual. When he speaks, his voice shakes just a bit.

"I figured that if I asked you out to lunch, you'd find a way to say you couldn't, so I brought the lunch to you. I didn't know you'd be gone, though…"

"Elliot," Olivia interrupts because she feels herself getting caught up as he speaks. "I have to tell you something."

"Oh," he says, setting down the container in his hand. He steps in towards Olivia and she struggles to keep her breathing even. "Okay, what's up?"

"I," she tries, her voice cracking. She coughs again, forcing herself to focus. "I like you. I like you a lot–"

"Yeah?" Elliot says, his cheeks pink. A grin is slowly spreading across his face. "You _like_ me?"

"You're such a kid," Olivia says, her own cheeks warming. "I'm trying to be serious."

"Wait," Elliot says. He seems less nervous now, that goofy grin lighting his face up. Slowly, he takes another step in, bringing him close enough to wrap an arm around Olivia's waist. Olivia's eyes nearly flutter close. She's slipping. "Olivia."

She looks up at him, and just like that, the rest of her statement flies from her head.

" _Seriously,_ " Elliot begins, and she nearly snorts. "I like you too. A lot."

"A lot?" Olivia muses, her eyes already flicking down from Elliot's eyes to his mouth.

" _A lot_ ," Elliot whispers, leaning down.

Olivia's lips meet his halfway.


	15. Olivia Benson, Scaredy Cat

A slightly longer chapter, hope you all enjoy! Read and review, please. (I'll probably have to fix typos in the am, I'm exhausted rn).

Chapter 14 - Olivia Benson, Scaredy Cat

Olivia had been determined not to end up in Elliot's arms again. Absolutely _determined_. And yet, here she was, Elliot's arms were wrapped around her waist and his lips were crashing into hers, over and over. She was a dunce, really, for letting her defenses down so quickly, but there was also a small area in her chest that purred happily as she kissed Elliot and made it very difficult to think about anything else. Their lips continued to meet in a hurried, desperate way; as if they both knew that they were running out of time, as if they both knew that eventually one of them would come to their senses and break away.

This doesn't happen, however, until after Elliot's lips have traveled over Olivia's jaw and down to the base of her neck, his hands resting comfortably on her hips and warming her skin. Olivia forces herself to step back, trying to ignore the shakiness she feels in her belly, her cheeks pink.

" _Elliot_ ," she chides, but she can feel herself smiling against her will. "I had to talk to you, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Elliot says, his blue eyes following her. Olivia goes to lock her door just to have an excuse to look away. After the lock clicks, she looks back at Elliot, whose eyebrows have raised. "Talk, you said?"

"Yes, talk," Olivia says, her cheeks turning an even deeper shade of magenta. "I just don't want anyone walking in on us."

"Oh alright," Elliot says, although the glint in his eye doesn't suggest that he's totally convinced. "But I think I know what you're going to say. Why don't we sit down and eat?"

"Elliot, _honestly_ ," Olivia begins, almost rolling her eyes. He could be so difficult when he wanted to be. She knew that he was aware of this, just like she knew he was aware of how fast her heart had to be beating right now.

"Come on," he insists. "I'm sure you're hungry. You know, from your run." He nudges her gym bag, which she must have dropped at his feet in surprise sometime earlier, and for the first time, Olivia looks down and realizes she's still in a sweaty gray t-shirt. She can see little stringy pieces of hair hanging down in her face, and when she thinks about how flushed her face must have been, she's assured that she looks absolutely disgusting. This realization only makes her face redder and she sits down at her desk if only to get this conversation over with faster.

"Thank you," Elliot says, smiling at Olivia and passing her a container, as well as a fork. As she opens it, she sees that it's kung pao chicken, which she is a very big fan of. Reluctantly, she starts to eat, trying to ignore how hungry she actually had been. "Now, do you want to hear what you're about to say, and how silly it sounds?"

Olivia can't fully answer, as her mouth is full, so she shoots a glare at Elliot that he seems to take for a "yes."

"We can't see each other," Elliot states simply. Olivia waits for more, but it doesn't come. When he sees the confused look on her face, he adds: "I tried my hardest, honestly, but I couldn't think of any good arguments for why. I'm sure you did, though." There's a smile playing on his lips that Olivia decides to overlook.

"Well," she says, having swallowed now. It takes her a few seconds and a reasonable amount of effort to bring her thoughts from earlier back to the front of her mind. It seemed that Elliot's appearance had wiped her mind. "Our kids."

This sounds like a weak excuse, to Olivia and especially to Elliot, who is still smiling, so she forces herself to shake the feeling of Elliot's lips on her jaw and expound upon her point.

"If we did try…try dating, and we didn't work out," Olivia says, her voice more forceful now, thankfully. "The kids would be crushed. Luke is already so attached to you, and Grace is only a little over one, but you're one of the only people she's comfortable with. And the boys' friendship might suffer, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if it did."

"Anything else?" Elliot says, not looking perturbed in the slightest. Olivia frowns slightly but continues.

"And there's Kathy," Olivia says. "She's my friend, and I wouldn't want her to think that I'd been going behind her back with you. And she's Dickie and Lizzie and Kathleen and Maureen's mom, I mean, it would be so strange for them, and they might feel pressured to pick sides, or they might not want anyone else to even try to fulfill a motherly role in their lives at _all_ and just end up resenting me, and we're all so close now, I can't imagine wrecking any of that just because I want..."

She'd been about to say, "because I want to be with you," but caught herself at the last minute. She tried to cover this up with another bite of food, but Elliot's eyes on her made it awfully hard to seem nonchalant, and she almost chokes on a piece of chicken.

"But is that it?" Elliot asks after Olivia finishes coughing, sounding truly curious. "Just the kids and Kathy, nothing else?"

" _Just_?" Olivia repeats, a little annoyed. "That's not enough?"

"That's not what I meant," Elliot says, getting Olivia to meet his eyes again. "I just mean, there isn't anything else that bothers you? Like you don't think that I'm angry too often, or that I care more about my job than my family, or that I don't listen?"

"What?" Olivia asks, surprised. It takes her a second to read the worry in his face, and then another second to remember that these were some of the complaints Kathy had used to justify she and Elliot's separation and eventual divorce. Olivia didn't know Elliot as well as Kathy, maybe. She'd definitely known him for less time. But she couldn't help thinking that she and Elliot understood each other rather well. She knew that Elliot had a lot of anger but also, she knew that he would never take that anger and intentionally hurt someone with it. She knew that he cared a lot about his job, but that he cared about his kids more. And she knew the look on his face of absolute and undivided attention that he gave her when she was talking about her job, or her day, or anything really. Honestly, she didn't know why she and Elliot seemed to work better than he and Kathy had. But she knew she didn't have the same complaints as his ex-wife.

Olivia meets Elliot's eyes again now, done thinking, and notices the worry lines etched on the outer corners of his eyes. She'd taken too long to respond. To make up for this, she tries to pour as much reassurance into her tone as she possibly can when she speaks up again.

"I don't think any of that," she says, her voice softer than it had been before. "Elliot, I swear I don't. If things were different, maybe, if there weren't so many other factors…"

"Then you'd give us a chance," Elliot finishes, searching Olivia's eyes, almost looking like he doesn't believe her. "Because you like me, right?"

"Yes, maybe," she says slowly, but a wave of exasperation falls over her as she sees the beginnings of a smile on Elliot's face. He wasn't listening to her. The gentleness leaves her voice when she continues, pushing her food away from her. "Elliot, if you aren't taking me seriously…"

"Olivia," Elliot interrupts. His voice is firm. "Do you remember Halloween?"

"Elliot, I…" Olivia tries, but Elliot gives her a look and she sighs. "Yes, I remember Halloween."

"Do you remember when I pulled you aside at the end of the night?"

"Yes," Olivia says, her stomach stirring nervously as she remembers standing close enough to feel Elliot's chest against hers in the dark. She remembers how she had wanted to kiss him and then how she had briefly believed that he had leaned in, at least until the lights had come back on.

"I wanted to kiss you then," Elliot says. "But you got away before I got the courage. And you remember a few weeks ago when we went to the park?"

"You asked if I ever thought about dating you," Olivia says slowly, still not understanding why Elliot is making her recall these moments, torturous as they had been for the both of them. "And I lied and said no."

"And then later on the couch, we were sitting together and talking," Elliot adds. "And I wanted to kiss you then. I thought you were going to kiss me first, that time, but then you pulled away."

"Elliot," Olivia begins, ready to apologize and push forward, but Elliot shakes his head and continues.

"I've liked you for a long time, I think," Elliot says slowly, a small, lingering smile still on his face. "A really long time. Even if it took you and Brian getting together for me to realize it. And I mean, recently, it's been almost impossible to get you off of my mind. But I figured somewhere along the way that you didn't like me back. Especially after what happened at the bar, I mean, I just knew I had no chance. And then there was Thanksgiving, but I figured that you might find a way to explain that away. I didn't expect that you'd tell me that you felt the same way I did. And I know you're giving me reasons on why it wouldn't work out, but honestly, I just never imagined that you'd like me back."

"El," Olivia says, her tone mingled with both frustration and affection. But then she pauses. She had no words ready to respond.

This conversation wasn't meant to be this tough. She had intended to speak to Elliot firmly, but then, she hadn't accounted or the butterflies she got when she was around him now, or the quiet, but persistent voice in the back of her head whispering for her to fall back into his arms. She was growing more annoyed with herself by the second, or at least the weak part of herself that continued to ask what the harm would really be if she didn't push Elliot away. And yet, in spite of her annoyance, it's still that weak part of her that responds to Elliot.

"Of course, I like you," she says, feeling that her wording is a bit childish, but continuing anyway. "Elliot, you're my best friend. And you've always been there for me, and for my kids. And we've just been spending so much time together, it seems like it's only natural that we would develop some stronger feelings for each other eventually."

"It was natural," Elliot says. "That seems like a sign to me that this Isn't a bad thing. I mean, I understand that you're worried about the kids…"

"Don't make it sounds like that's absurd," Olivia interjects, a bit defensive.

"It isn't," Elliot says quickly, not eager to argue. "It isn't Olivia, but the kids…they'll be fine. They'll be ecstatic if anything. Our kids love each other. My kids love you. Kathleen and Maureen are old enough to understand that I'll end up with someone else eventually. And Dickie and Lizzie might feel a little strange about the situation, but they'll warm up to it."

"What about Luke?" Olivia presses because she needs to fight back. "What about Grace?"

"What about them?" Elliot says, his eyebrows coming down slightly. "I treat Luke the same as Dickie. And I've been there for Grace since she was born. They're comfortable with me. You just said as much."

"Yes, and that's great, but what about when we break up?" Olivia says fiercely, not thinking before she speaks; her worst worry finds her lips with surprising ease. "What are they going to do then? That's another father they'd lose, and I wouldn't do that to them, Elliot, it isn't worth the risk."

There is a millisecond too long of a pause after she says this. And there is a very, very brief moment where she wants to apologize for her cynicism, for the harshness of her voice, for all of it. But before she gets the chance, Elliot responds.

"What makes you so sure we're going to break up?" he asks, a hint of agitation in his voice. Olivia had been looking down at her lap but looks up now to see if she'd imagined his change in tone and sees the annoyance in his face. "Olivia, I've been trying to explain that this isn't just some half-thought-out whim that popped into my head all of a sudden. I spent the weekend trying to figure out how to come to you with this, and now here you are, asking me what the kids will do _when we break up_."

"I thought you were just happy that I felt the same way," Olivia scoffs. This is a low blow, a product of an unexpected bitterness growing in her chest that makes her feel only slightly guilty. Elliot has no right to be upset. Didn't he know that she would much rather be free of responsibility and able to fall into a relationship without worrying about any consequences? Shouldn't Elliot, the one who was supposed to know her better than anyone, know that her experience with relationships did not leave her feeling optimistic about her romantic future? Here she was, trying to protect their families and he was _annoyed_ with _her_.

"I thought I was too," Elliot says, shaking his head slightly. "But somehow, knowing that you feel the same way but are too afraid to even attempt to give us a try is even worse than thinking that you don't have any feelings for me at all."

"I'm not _afraid,_ I'm trying to be a good mother." Olivia says, her voice rising in her frustration. "A good person. It doesn't matter how I feel about you if acting on those feelings means I'm putting my kids in danger!" Elliot leans in so fast after this that it startles her. He doesn't let her look away though; his blue eyes boring into her brown ones.

"You think I'd ever do anything to hurt those kids?" he says sternly. "I love my children. And I love yours like they're my own. I thought you knew that."

He means what he says. Olivia knows this. Truly, she hadn't meant to question that, and quite frankly, she felt very tactless at the present moment. But she is upset with Elliot for being upset with her over something that she had no control over her. And she's upset for some other reason that she can't quite find the words to explain right now; it feels like her heart is smoldering in her chest.

Again, she'd taken too long to answer. Elliot stands up, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, and for some reason, Olivia cannot bring herself to get up and stop him.

"You know, Olivia," Elliot says, through partially gritted teeth. "Sometimes, I don't understand you. If we did happen to break up, I wouldn't punish the kids for that. I wouldn't treat them any differently. Maybe you don't believe that. But maybe that doesn't even matter. Because at the end of the day, I don't tend to pursue people I don't see a future with. So maybe it's best that this is where we end things."

He's pulled his jacket on now and heads towards the door but stops in the middle of the floor. He nudges Olivia's gym bag with his right foot.

"You should really throw this in the wash," he says, his voice uncharacteristically flat.

And then he's gone.

•

Olivia had been worried that she was going to jeopardize she and Elliot's relationship by pursuing something romantic with him. This seemed to be a very unnecessary fear, as she had managed to ruin their relationship with only a fifteen-minute argument.

It had been two weeks since Elliot had visited her at work, and two weeks since the had spoken more than two words to each other. It would have been easier if he had been avoiding her maybe, but she saw him nearly every day, either when picking up or dropping off the kids, or at PTA functions. He always gave her a tight-lipped smile and the same passionless hello and goodbye, and it nearly made her sick.

Olivia had not expected to miss Elliot as much as she did, and so it hit her suddenly and hard. She missed the banter, and the teasing, and the inside jokes. She missed the way Elliot threw his arm behind her chair when they sat next to each other and how he caught her eye when Jeanine from PTA said something questionable. She missed making him coffee to prepare him for the ride home when he came to pick up the kids, and she missed the phone calls, and she missed hanging out and everything else. There was a constant tight feeling in her chest now, one that intensified every time her brain decided to replay the memory of Thanksgiving night or the morning after.

She was also having trouble sleeping, which wasn't unusual, but her symptoms had dissipated for a little while and were now back in their fullest and most terrible form. Nightmares caused her to wake up covered in sweat. These bad dreams were punctuated only by disproportionately brief, but vivid dreams of being held tightly in warm arms, the smell of cedar apple cologne surrounding her.

Olivia was still upset with Elliot. But less so each day. She missed him too much to stay angry.

If there was any good to be found in her sudden lack of a relationship with Elliot, it was that the tension she felt drove her to go for a run every day at lunch now. And true to her word, she had called Alex the day after she first met her in the park, and they'd decide to exercise together for motivation.

Alex was nice. They normally didn't talk very much, as they didn't have a lot of breath to spare, but when they did get a chance to chat (mainly in short spurts) Olivia found that Alex was humorous and easy to talk to, and maybe it was just because she didn't really have anyone else to talk to at the present time, but they seemed to be becoming good friends. Olivia had been worried that Alex was going to bring up Elliot, as he was one of the main things their lives had in common, but in the two weeks that she and Olivia had been running together, she had only brought him up twice.

The first time happened as they were doing warm-up stretches on the Friday morning after Olivia and Elliot's talk.

"Did you ever manage to get a hold of Elliot?" Alex had asked, reaching for her toes.

"Yeah," Olivia had said, not bothering to expand upon this answer. "Ready?" She hadn't waited for Alex to answer before beginning to run, leaving the blonde to sprint after her.

The second time Elliot had been brought up was today, the Thursday the week after. Olivia had to cut their run short, as she had a pile of work to catch up on. Despite their runs, she was still having trouble focusing when she was at the office. In addition to that, winter break started next week for Luke, so she knew that it would be hard to focus on any work at home.

She and Alex are walking, thankfully, towards the park entrance when Alex speaks up, sounding almost too casual to be natural.

"So, did you and Elliot decide to, you know, give it a chance?" she asks. Olivia hesitates for a second before answering.

"No," she says. "We actually aren't even really on speaking terms right now."

"Oh," Alex says, not sounding very surprised at all. Olivia stops, looking at her.

"How'd you know?" she asks. Anyone else would have looked embarrassed at being caught meddling. Alex however, pulls a very good poker face.

"He's been in a real mood lately," Alex says. "Ornery, one might say. What'd you tell him when you guys talked?"

Olivia debates on whether she should answer this question or not. Her instinct to keep her private life private nags at her a bit, but mostly, she feels a need to share. Alex hadn't given her any reason to doubt her trustworthiness. In fact, she seemed to have a pretty good mix of candor and empathy. And so, Olivia steps to the side of the path they're on and gives her a rundown of what had happened in her office last Tuesday.

When she's finished telling the story, she searches Alex's face for some sign of emotion but receives nothing.

"Wow," Alex says. "You were kind of a dick, weren't you?"

"Wow," Olivia says, her eyebrows shooting up. " _Wow,_ I guess that's what I deserve for confiding in a stranger."

"Okay," Alex says, smiling a little to show that she's poking fun. "I'm sorry. But you kind of were. And he was too, but at least he didn't suggest that he saw a relationship with you as a dead end."

"That isn't what I meant!" Olivia insists. Alex checks her watch and nods a little, jerking her head toward a nearby bench. It seems like Olivia isn't going to be finishing too much paperwork today.

They sit, and Alex crosses her legs, looking at Olivia expectantly.

"So, what did you mean?" she asks Olivia, who shrugs slightly.

"I don't know," she says, half-talking to herself. "I guess I just thought about the absolute worst outcome and I said it before getting a chance to think."

"So, you were scared," Alex says, and Olivia shakes her head.

"No, I'm not _scared_ to date Elliot," she says. "It just seems too risky."

"Still?" Alex asks. "Even after he assured you that he wouldn't let your relationship get in the way of anything involving your kids?"

"Maybe that's his intention," Olivia says, picking at the scrunchie on her wrist. "But situations change. People do things they said they'd never do."

"But you trust him, don't you?"

"Yes," Olivia says automatically. "Of course, I do."

"So, there was really nothing to argue about," Alex concludes. "Unless you were afraid."

"What would I be afraid of?" Olivia asks. Alex shrugs.

"I only just met you," she says. "I'm not sure. I suppose whatever people are afraid of when they first get into relationships. That it won't work out, and they'll be heartbroken. That it'll be their fault. I don't know. You're really hard to read, you know." Olivia lets out a small snort.

"You seem to have done It rather easily," she says begrudgingly. Alex smiles a little, nudging her.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"So badly," Olivia says, trying to ignore the persisting feeling in her chest.

"And you want to be with him, don't you?"

This takes Olivia a second to answer, but nevertheless, she does so and is rather confident in her response when she manages to get it out.

"Yes, of course, I do," she says slowly. "And maybe I am a little afraid for myself, but I am afraid for the kids too. And I'm afraid for Elliot and afraid what Kathy will say and afraid of a million other things, but I _hate_ feeling so…apart."

"Then you should talk to him," Alex says. "And be honest this time around."

"Maybe," Olivia says, beginning to lose herself in thought. She and Alex sit there for a minute before something occurs to her, and she looks at the blonde beside her.

"How do you know all of this?" she asks. "We _did_ just meet."

"You've been quick to confide in me," Alex says, smiling at Olivia's slightly horrified look. "Don't worry. You present a very guarded image, I figured it was just because you don't have Elliot to talk to right now. I don't think any less of you or anything." Olivia sighs, looking a little glum and Alex nudges her.

"It'll work out," she says. "Trust me. You guys fit. It's really obvious. There's nothing to worry about."

•

 _"_ _You guys fit."_

 _We do_. Olivia thinks as she stands outside Elliot's apartment door, later on that night, trying to summon the confidence to knock. Even from out in the hallway, she can hear the Stabler children chattering inside. Her own kids are at home with the sitter, but she'd be back at home soon. This wouldn't take too long. Well, at least, it wouldn't take too long after she managed to knock on the door.

Olivia focuses on the tight feeling in her chest. She hated that feeling so much. She hated not talking to Elliot so much. So, with this in mind, she raises her right hand and knocks on his door twice.

There's a bit of a shuffle inside, and then Elliot swings open the door. He looks good; he's still in his work clothes, but Olivia notices quickly that there's a smudge of flour on Elliot's cheek.

"Are you baking?" she asks, unable to hide the surprise in her voice. Elliot, who looks surprised to see her, is so caught off guard that he seems to forget that they aren't friends right now.

"I'm making pancakes," he said. "I promised breakfast for dinner. I'm regretting that now."

"Ah," Olivia says, smiling. She'd only been talking to Elliot for two seconds, but she already felt warmer; the feeling in the chest was retreating. "Is Dickie forcing you to make chocolate-chip? Those are his favorites, aren't they?"

"I'm not sure, I don't make pancakes very often," Elliot says. Then he blinks, and it seems like he's remembering that Olivia shouldn't be at his door. He glances back into the apartment, then takes a step into the hallway, cracking the door behind him. "What are you doing here? I'm not supposed to have Luke, am I?"

"No," Olivia assures. "He and Grace are with the sitter. I came to see you."

Elliot looks at her expectantly, and nerves run over Olivia's being, but she forces herself to ignore them as best she can.

"I just wanted to ask," she begins. "If you'd want to go out on a date with me sometime."

Elliot surveys Olivia for a second, and for a moment, she's worried he's going to say no. But he doesn't and instead asks a question.

"What made you change your mind about all this?" he asks. "Because two weeks ago you didn't even let me get to that question."

"I was afraid," Olivia says, her voice shaking slightly. Internally, she curses.

"And now you're not?"

"No, I am," Olivia says, feeling her heart beat faster. "And I hate it. I hate being afraid. I'm a mom, and an adult, not a scared teenager anymore. But I'm asking you anyways because I hate not talking to you more, Elliot."

There's a pause. Elliot surveys Olivia for a moment.

"Liv, you're allowed to be afraid," he finally says. His tone has softened. This gives Olivia a little bit of hope, and so she continues.

"Okay," she says. "Okay. So, I stand before you, Olivia Benson, Scaredy Cat, asking if you'd like to go out with me sometime."

Olivia sees the corner of Elliot's mouth twitch, the beginning of a smile. She sees his head begin to nod, and so she feels a rush of relief run through before she even hears his response:

"Yes."


	16. Stay the Night

AN: I hope you all like this chapter (I think you will; three cheers for first dates!), sorry for the wait! It gets a little rated R, but nothing worth changing the story rating. I had some commentary that I almost added to this, but I feel like maybe it's better for you all to interpret this as you'd like. Read and review, please!

Chapter 15 – Stay the Night

On the night of January 22nd, 1999, Olivia Benson had called Elliot and asked in a rushed voice if he and Kathy could watch Luke for a few hours. Elliot, of course, had said yes, brushing aside her repeated thank yous. He had only met Olivia the previous September, but they got along quite well, and he was happy to be able to help her out. He had not, however, been prepared for the moment when he opened the door for her a little while after they got off the phone.

There stood Olivia Benson in a nearly floor-length black gown that draped and clung in just the right places. Her hair had been much darker then, and it fell around her shoulders and contrasted against her olive toned skin quite pleasantly. The red lipstick she'd been wearing had made her teeth look even whiter, and when she offered him a sheepish smile he felt his heart pound inexplicably quickly in his chest, suddenly aware of the frumpiness of his own sweatpants and 5 o'clock shadow.

"Hi," she said, trying to hold onto Luke's hand. Luke, however, was already trying to charge into the house, as he had spotted Dickie, hiding behind Elliot's legs. Olivia leans down and whispers something into Luke's ear before letting him run ahead. Dickie becomes less shy when Luke is beside him, and together they run back towards the kitchen. After they go, Olivia shoots an apologetic look at Elliot, who is still trying to figure out why he feels so nervous. "Luke was really excited when I told him who was babysitting tonight. As if he doesn't come over here at least once a week already."

She leans up and in to place a light kiss on Elliot's cheek in greeting, and he swears his tongue rolls up in his mouth.

"Thank you for watching him again," she says, pulling back before tucking a piece of her hair back and pulling her coat a little closer, hiding her figure and thus, allowing Elliot's mind to return from wherever it had been. "Usually I wouldn't spring anything like this on you, but I have to meet Jonathan at this work thing and our nanny is sick, and there was no one else…"

"It's okay," Elliot says, the mention of Olivia's husband jarring him into speaking. "Really, it's no problem. We love having Luke over. And it's always good to see you." This last line had been unplanned, but it makes Olivia smile, and he sees a bit of color appear on her cheeks.

"Yeah?" she says. "I'm sure you'll be even happier to see me when I come to pick him up. It won't be later than 11, alright?"

"Sure, don't rush," Elliot says. His eyes find Olivia's, and they linger for maybe a half-second too long, and he pulls them down, chuckling. "Alright, we're all good here. I don't want to hold you up, but you're welcome to come in if you'd like."

"No, I think I've stalled for as long as I can," Olivia says, making Elliot grin. "Don't want to make Jonathan upset." Her cheeks flush a deeper shade of magenta here, but as Elliot's trying to avoid staring by looking everywhere but Olivia's face, he doesn't notice. "Call the office if you need anything, okay? And tell Kathy I said thank you. I'll see you in a bit."

"Yeah," Elliot says, surprised when Olivia reaches out and squeezes his hand, getting him to look at her once more. She smiles again, and that _smile_ stays burned into his mind even after she walks back to the car and pulls out of the driveway. He closes the doorway reluctantly, taking a breath in an attempt to slow his rapid heartbeat.

When he closes the door, he's surprised to see Kathy leaning in the foyer archway, her eyebrows knit together.

"What?" he asks, his voice a bit firmer than it needed to be. They had argued last night. And then a little this morning. He really had been glad to have Luke over, because it would limit the opportunities for another closed door, hushed, angry-voiced, conversation with Kathy.

"Nothing," Kathy says unconvincingly. She continues to stand there and watch him with slightly narrowed eyes, and eventually, Elliot chooses to walk away to go see what the boys are doing so quietly.

•

Elliot knew now that there must have been a look on his face reflecting the strange feeling he'd gotten in his chest when he'd seen Olivia. Kathy, being the closest person to him at the time, had noticed it first, in the same way that it was Fin who had first noticed that Elliot was not okay with Brian taking Olivia out. Olivia had always had an effect on him, even when he was a bit too dull to realize it himself.

They had both been married then though, even though he and Kathy separated later that same year. That was the easiest explanation for the earliest suppression of the feelings he'd had for Olivia. But their relationships didn't stop them from growing closer, didn't stop the planting of the seeds of what they had grown into. Over time, the boys had gotten closer and so had they. They started seeing each other more often; twice a week, three times a week, then nearly every day. Olivia started accepting Elliot's invitations in and lingered for longer periods of time. She found more reasons to touch him, to be close to him. And then before either of them had realized it, they had become each other's best friend. Now, in the same way, it seemed like they were just realizing (though the transition had occurred sometime long ago) that they had developed into something much more.

Elliot was at the stage in his life where he was just becoming able to understand all of this. Maybe this is why he had been so quick to move past the scene in Olivia's office. Maybe it was just because he liked to think that he understood Olivia and knew that she was trying her hardest. Whatever the reason, he didn't care anymore about anything other than _this_ , what they were on the edge of becoming.

Elliot also understood for the first time that he was in the position to do something about his relationship with Olivia, to prod it forward if need be. So, this is why he stood outside Olivia's door on a Sunday night, flowers in hand. This is why he musters up the courage to knock.

Inside, Olivia is sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. The sound of knocking on her front door startles her. She hadn't been expecting anyone. This was the first time in a long time that she was home alone – Kathy had offered, then insisted, on watching Grace in addition to Luke, to give Olivia "a little break" and eventually Olivia had been forced to comply.

It was kind of nice to be in the house alone, although the quiet felt almost foreign. Maybe that's why the knocking seemed so loud. Olivia sighs, throwing her blanket aside and walking to the front door. When she looks through the peephole, she's surprised to see Elliot, and even more surprised to see that he's holding a bouquet. A very small wave of panic runs through her as she glances at the mirror in the entryway and sees her oversized band tee and messy ponytail. She quickly tries to straighten herself up, and then immediately chides herself. This was Elliot, who had seen her looking much worse, for example, looking sweaty and red-faced, minutes after Grace's birth.

 _But this was different_ , a voice whispers in the back of her head. She hadn't felt the way she felt about Elliot now all those times before. Or, at the very least, she hadn't been conscious of her feelings.

She was being stupid. And Elliot had been waiting for her to answer the door for too long already. So, Olivia takes a deep breath to calm her nerves, and then she opens the door.

Elliot breaks into a smile when he sees Olivia, instinctively. This makes her smile in return, and almost automatically, her nerves substantially subside.

"Hey," he says. "These are for you." He offers her the flowers, which Olivia sees now are bright yellow daisies.

"Thank you," she says, telling herself not to blush as she takes them. She steps aside to let Elliot in and closes the door after him. When she turns back to face him, she notices that he looks nice; he's wearing a plaid button-down she hadn't seen before. He smells nice too, like her favorite cologne of his. It takes her a few minutes to find words. "So, um, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Are you busy, tonight?" Elliot asks. But Olivia can tell that he already knows the answer; the glint in his eye is telling, and if it had been a normal night, he would have been asking about the kids already. "Have dinner plans?"

"No," Olivia says, smiling shyly. "Why do you ask?"

"Would you like to go out for dinner?" Elliot asks. He still looks a bit mischievous, but also a little nervous. Olivia can tell by the way he tucks his fidgeting hands in his pockets. She looks at him for a second and then nods slowly.

"Yes," she says, her heart pounding in her chest. "Just give me a minute to put these in water and get dressed."

"Great," Elliot says, his smile much wider now. "There's no need to get all dressed up."

•

After the initial element of surprise subsides, Olivia looks down at her shaking hands, which are making the ordinary task of zipping up a pair of jeans extraordinarily difficult and realizes that her nervousness is back.

She should have been prepared for this. She had been to Elliot's house only a few days ago to fix what she had nearly destroyed between them, but somehow, she'd quickly forgotten all about that encounter. To be fair, in the time that followed, she had been awfully busy. When she'd dropped by CVS for vitamins the day after, she'd heard the music playing in the store, and noticed the decorations, and remembered with a start that Christmas was next Wednesday. Over this weekend, she'd been focused mainly on buying and hiding presents, so it was very useful that Kathy had taken the kids because Luke was a tough kid to keep secrets from.

And so, with all of that, she'd forgotten to feel nervous about Elliot's response to her question. And she'd forgotten to anticipate him asking her out. But even if she had done those things, she thinks that she still wouldn't have expected _this,_ him coming to her door with flowers unexpectedly. It's unbelievable that he still manages to surprise her.

But now, Olivia had the time to be nervous. Maybe Elliot had tried to surprise her so that she wouldn't, but the 20 minutes it takes her to get ready is more than enough. When she comes out, dressed casually, as requested, she feels like she's walking on legs made of jelly.

"You look great," Elliot says, his eyes flicking over Olivia. The resulting smile that appears on his face makes Olivia feel oddly warm inside. "Although I'm sad you changed your shirt. Aerosmith '81, baby."

"Oh my god," Olivia says, rolling her eyes. She is thankful, though, for Elliot's playful mood. It's easier to relax when Elliot is joking. "It's like going out with someone's _dad_."

"I _am_ someone's dad," Elliot says, grinning as he stands and grabs his coat. He pulls it on and walks with Olivia to her coat rack, then helps her into her own coat.

"Yes, I know, but I don't want to be reminded of that," Olivia says, pulling on gloves and a scarf. Elliot laughs, and as they walk out the door, Olivia can feel the shaking in her hands subsiding.

•

It had taken Elliot a little while to decide where to take Olivia. The first date he had planned, the paint and sip, had gone quite terribly. Maybe this was just because he hadn't been on it with her (this is what he liked to tell himself) but he also knew that he had planned that date for the Olivia that had been married to Jonathan. This had obviously been a very bad decision, but he hadn't known that until that night when a drunk Olivia had spilled her secrets to him. And so, it seemed that in giving Brian an idea for a Jonathanesque date, he had inadvertently sabotaged Brian and Olivia's relationship from the very beginning. He tried not to feel too guilty about this and did so by assuring himself that if he had indeed taken Olivia on that date, he would have handled the entire situation much better than Brian. But the fact remained that he did not want to plan a date that reminded Olivia of any way of her late husband.

Anyways, Elliot knew now that the Olivia that had been with Jonathan did not seem to be the person as the Olivia that was his friend. She seemed funnier, more relaxed, more casual. He couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed all of this before.

And so, with the hopes that Olivia would appreciate a more casual date, Elliot decided to take her to a dine-in Chinese restaurant that he liked, just outside his neighborhood in Queens. It was tucked between two bigger restaurants, and often overlooked by those passing on the sidewalk. When they walk in, Elliot glances over at Olivia for her reaction, but it's not until they sit in a corner booth, and Olivia removes her scarf that he's able to see that she's smiling. A wave of relief washes over him.

"Is this alright?" he asks tentatively. Olivia looks around at the warm, red lighting, the golden decorations on the wall, and then at Elliot, his cheeks pink from the cold. She nods quickly, her smile widening as she speaks.

"Yes, this is perfect," she says. She should be nervous. She should be scared. It wasn't as if the fears she'd had two weeks ago had dissipated completely. It was just that it was so hard to feel panicky, here in this cozy atmosphere, with Elliot so close to her, reaching out to pull her gloves off for her. This restaurant seemed so far away from all of her worries that it was difficult to feel threatened by them, at least at this moment.

"So, tell me," she says as a waiter approaches and fills their water glasses. After saying thank you, she tilts her head and looks at Elliot. "How did you know I didn't have the kids tonight?"

Elliot pauses, almost as if he's debating not answering. Eventually, he shrugs and smiles sheepishly.

"I mentioned to Kathy that the last time I saw you, you seemed really tired. You know, like you could use a break. Eventually, she said something about offering to take Grace for you this weekend. To give you some time to relax."

Olivia's eyebrows raise, and Elliot quickly realizes the issue. Watching her facial expression, he reaches for his water.

"I'm just realizing the moral implications of coercing my ex-wife into watching your kids so that I could ask you out…"

"Yeah?" Olivia says, laughter in her eyes.

"But I think it was worth it, don't you?" Elliot says. And Olivia scoffs, but she can't hide the beginnings of a chuckle. Elliot smiles, placing his arm on the upper part of the booth, over Olivia's shoulder. This reminds her of something, although she can't remember exactly what at the time. "Alright, it won't happen again. Next time I'll give you enough notice to call your sitter."

"Next time?" Olivia repeats, crossing her legs as she looks at him, an eyebrow raised. "Cocky, aren't we?"

"Right," Elliot says, his cheeks flushing now for a reason other than the cold. "Sorry. It's just I that enjoy hanging out with you. I'm already excited for the next time I see you."

"Mm," Olivia says as if she's considering this. "Smooth, Stabler."

She catches Elliot's eye, and the slightly guilty look on his face makes her grin. She reaches out and nudges his leg, getting him to smile back at her. She rolls her eyes playfully before looking down at the menu on the table, which had been previously forgotten.

"What's good here?" she asks, and Elliot chuckles, shaking his head slightly and glancing at his own menu.

"Doesn't matter, does it?" he says, his tone teasing. "You're ordering kung pao chicken. You always do."

"Well, maybe I want to try something different this time," Olivia says. "You tell me what you suggest, and I'll order that."

"Fine," Elliot says, picking up his menu and running his eyes over it. "But _I'm_ ordering the kung pao chicken. Just so you have something to eat when you don't like what you order."

•

Elliot had been right. Soon after the dishes had come out, Olivia had gotten tired of the beef and broccoli she'd decided on and started picking at Elliot's kung pao chicken. Knowing that this had been a hit to her pride, Elliot had only shot her a knowing grin before switching their plates.

Elliot knew her well. And maybe that's part of why the date goes so well. Aside from the early anxiety Olivia had felt, there aren't the usual first date nerves, and there's no lingering air of awkwardness. They know each other so well that they don't have to spend this time trying to learn everything about the other person; they're able to just…hang out. They talk a little less about the kids than normal and more about work and other topics that they don't usually have the time to talk about. Elliot mentions at some point that he's in between partners right now, as his last partner had transferred.

"Honestly, it's not like I miss the guy or anything. He could be a real ass," Elliot says, taking a swig of water. Olivia chuckles. She'd found herself inching closer to Elliot all night, and now they were less than an inch apart, her body turned inwards toward him.

"You feel that way about all of your partners," she says. "Maybe you're just better suited for solo work."

"No, that's not it," Elliot says, smiling a little before looking over at Olivia. "It's just hard to find someone you fit with, you know?"

"Yeah," Olivia says slowly. "I think I know."

She looks over and smiles slightly at Elliot before looking back down at her plate. She feels his eyes linger on her for another second before the conversation continues.

Truth be told, Elliot has a hard time keeping his eyes off of Olivia all night. It's difficult, really, not to stare at someone so beautiful. And it doesn't help that he keeps remembering how hard it had been for him to tear his eyes off of her all those years ago when she had stood at his door in _that_ dress, and the fleeting feeling of longing he'd had then. He couldn't believe they had eventually found their way together. But, he supposed that sometimes life was bound to work out in his favor.

Olivia catches him staring a couple of times. Like when he's having this epiphany, her cheeks flush and she nudges him.

" _What?_ " she asks, sounding a bit exasperated. "El, what is it? Is there food in my teeth?"

"No," Elliot says, finding that he has to suppress a very strong urge to lean in and kiss Olivia right then. He manages to smile reassuringly. "It's nothing, sorry."

But it's hard to deny the growing attraction between the two of them. And it's hard for both of them to ignore it. Olivia almost wishes that they had gone out a long time ago, partially because she is having such a nice time, but more because the tension between the two of them is so intense that it's growing difficult to ignore. She figures this is just because they had waited so long; because she had tried to deny her feelings for such a long time, longer than she had ever cared to admit. There had been tension mounting between them for months, maybe years, and so it was no wonder, really, that it begins to present in itself such an undeniable manner on this date. And it was no wonder, really, that that tension peaked later that night, right outside her front door when Elliot drops her off.

"I had a really good time tonight," Olivia is saying, trying and failing to ignore her increasingly forceful heartbeat, which she swears she can hear reverberating in her ears. "Honestly, Elliot, I hope we can do it again soon."

"Yeah, me too," Elliot says, his blue eyes glinting. He had been trying all night, it felt like, to keep himself from kissing Olivia. He'd wanted to prove that this was about more than his attraction to her, and it was. It was about the sum of so many things: the way she made him laugh, how her presence relaxed him, how she supported him. And yes, there was a great amount of attraction involved, but that hadn't been what he wanted to highlight, not this early in their relationship. But now it was the end of a date had gone very well, and at the end of dates that went well, Elliot believed a goodnight kiss was in order. So, he smiles at Olivia, and she smiles back. Then he steps in, and as soon as he does, she leans up, almost as if she had been waiting for this, too, and their lips meet in the middle.

What had been meant to be just a goodnight kiss quickly grows into something much more. Elliot's hands find Olivia's waist beneath her coat and grip it in such a firm manner that it makes her let out a small noise of pleasure. Her lips find his again, and again, and suddenly she feels like there is nowhere in the world she'd rather be than right here. Elliot's kisses grow more intense, and she matches the pace, moving in closer and closer, and suddenly, she's turning away and fumbling with her key so that she can let them into her apartment.

Once they're inside, and the door is closed and locked, their coats are the first things to go. Olivia's gloves and scarf hit the ground with a soft thud, and then she's tracing over Elliot's warm jawline, using her teeth to pull his lips even closer to hers. Elliot grunts softly, and tentatively, his hands travel lower, until one of them is cupping her bottom. Then, very bravely, he squeezes, and the resulting moan that comes Olivia washes away any lingering anxiety, and he lifts her to sit on the foyer table, his lips never leaving hers for more than a few seconds.

Olivia feels the need to speak, but it seemed that words had abandoned her. It isn't until she feels that familiar tug in her belly, more than the gentle pull she'd felt on the day after Thanksgiving, that she finds the strength to pull back slightly and speak.

"I don't…usually do this," she says, in between rushed breaths. "I mean, not on first dates." This is a bit of an understatement. She had only slept with one person before, and that had been the man she eventually married. Normally that thought would scare her into shooing Elliot out the door. But the look in Elliot's eye tells her that he understands. And every fiber of her being is begging for more contact.

"I know," Elliot says, pulling his forehead away from hers, also breathing heavily. His eyes run over Olivia's face. Her lips were slightly swollen, and parted, her pupils dilated, her hair mussed. He tries to correct this and reaches up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She shivers when his hand brushes against her skin. "Me either. We can stop. Do you want to?" Olivia only hesitates for a fraction of a second.

"No," she says, shaking her head and slipping her arms around Elliot's neck to pull him back to her. "No."

•

Olivia had never known that sex could be like it was with Elliot. She had known that they fit well together in other ways, but in bed it was unbelievable. He listened to her. Understood her. And it was difficult to explain, but it felt almost like he was made for her.

She lies next to him after, feeling something close to bliss as she stares up at the ceiling. Fear had completely evacuated her body sometime around her first orgasm, and now, she felt little more than pleasantly tired and warm. It takes a very large amount of willpower for her to stand and go to the bathroom to get ready for bed, and when she returns, she's extremely glad to back next to Elliot.

He shifts as she wiggles under the covers, wrapping an arm around her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. This surprises her, though pleasantly, and she lays her head on his chest, speaking softly.

"I thought you were asleep," she says, tracing over the faint outline of his abdominal muscles.

"No," he says. "I didn't want to pass out right after, in case you wanted to ask me to leave." Olivia laughs softly and moves closer, happy to feel the tightening of his arm around her wait.

"No," she says. "I'd rather you stay."

"Good," Elliot says. And when Olivia glances up, she can see the tired smile on his face. She wonders briefly, if this is something she will ever grow to regret, but quickly dismisses the thought. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"That was good, right? Like, really, really good? It wasn't just me was it?"

Olivia laughs again, and she hears Elliot laugh next to her. She has always loved his laugh.

"Are you asking for a performance review?" she asks, and his laugh grows in volume. "Are you serious?"

"I just wanted to make sure…"

"Yes, it was good," Olivia murmurs. "Really good."

"Okay, but on a scale of 1 to 10…" Elliot begins, catching her off guard. She sits up a little to look at him before bursting into laughter. This brings a wide smile to Elliot's face, and before he knows it, he's leaning in to kiss her again.

"You're impossible," Olivia whispers. She can feel Elliot smiling against her lips as he whispers.

"I want your completed survey by the morning."

There's more laughter. The good, belly-aching kind that makes Olivia wonder what she had ever been so afraid of.

•

Olivia wakes with a start in the morning. She hadn't been having a bad dream. She can feel Elliot next to her, breathing steadily, and acting as a guard dog for all nightmares. She pauses for a second before she opens her eyes, wondering what had caused her to awake so abruptly.

Then she hears it, knocking at her front door. She sits up lazily, yawning and glancing at the clock to see that it's just barely 8 o'clock.

Elliot stirs, his arm still draped over her waist.

"You expecting someone?" he asks groggily, his eyes still closed. Olivia yawns again and tries to rub the sand out of her eyes as she looks around for Elliot's shirt from last night, pulls it on, and climbs out of bed.

"No," she mutters, slightly irritated at having been woken up so early, on this morning of all mornings. She's still half asleep as she makes her way out of her room, down the hallway, and to the front door, and so when she looks through the peephole, she has to blink and look again to make sure she isn't imagining things. She steps back from the door after her second look, now awake.

On the other side of the door stood Vivian and Joshua Rhodes. Jonathan's parents.


	17. The House, Pt I

AN: Hey guys! I know this was like the longest wait in the world, and I apologize. I cut this chapter in half so I could get something out for you guys, so it's shorter than I intended, but I hope you all enjoy anyway! Look for the second half soon; read & review!

Chapter 16 – The House, Part I

Olivia knew Elliot rather well. Better than almost anyone, he thought. And part of that was all the time they spend together, but it was more than that. Olivia understood Elliot. There were times when she looked at him and he swore she was reading his mind. She knew when he wasn't telling the truth, or when he was only telling part of it. She knew to grab his hand to calm him down when he was angry and how to make him smile when he was sad. But Sunday night proves that Olivia also knew things that she had no way of knowing; like where exactly to place her hands to make his entire body light up, or _exactly_ when Elliot would raise his head up to find her lips. And this made it seem to Elliot, almost, that Olivia had been made just for him and he for her.

Elliot wanted to know Olivia just as well as she knew him. And so, he spent every minute of that Sunday night trying to get to know her better. He was intent on learning her body, what made her flinch, what sent her over the edge. This proves to be an enjoyable experience. Elliot knows that it sounds selfish, but he chooses to pretend, just for the night, that Olivia is his and only his. And this feels inexplicably right. For so long, he had tried to prevent himself from wondering what it would be like with Olivia; forced himself to stop imagining how she would respond to his touch, his lips. And still, everything goes even better than he had tried not to imagine it would. Olivia's body reflexively arches against his, her hands find his at the perfect time, his name whispered from her lips makes his head spin and his heart pound. It felt like he had spent his whole life looking for _this_. He doesn't ever want to let go.

And so, in the early hours of the morning, the displeasure of the removal of Olivia's body heat against him is enough to make him wake up. His mind is sluggish at first, and so he doesn't register much more than a persistent knocking on the front door, but when he blinks his eyes open and sees Olivia starting to sit up and climb out of bed, he's able to speak.

"You expecting someone?" he asks, closing his eyes again before she glances back at him, trying to hide his discontent with being physically separated from her. Olivia manages to wiggle out from under his arm and stand, and Elliot hears her search around the room briefly.

"No," she says. She sounds annoyed, which makes Elliot feel slightly better. He hears her pad out of the room, and after a few seconds, he opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling as his barely awake brain begins to come to life. For maybe the first time, he notices that the walls of her room are sky blue. A smile finds its way to his lips. The color fits her.

"Just a minute!" he hears Olivia call from outside. She comes back into the room now. Elliot sits up a little to see her better and is startled to see a worried look on her face as she opens her closet and begins shuffling through it in a hurried manner.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing," Olivia says. But there is worry in her voice, too. She pulls a robe out of the closest and sheds Elliot's shirt before pulling it on. She works to tie a bow around the waist as she turns to face him, but her eyes don't lift to meet his. "I need you to stay in this room, okay? Just sit quietly, please?"

"What?" Elliot says, his brow furrowing in confusion. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to wake up with Olivia in his arms, kiss her forehead maybe, laugh some joke she'd tell. Everything up until this point had been going so well, and yet, Olivia almost looks like she could be sick. "Olivia, who's at the door?"

"Elliot," Olivia says, and she looks up at him briefly, her eyes concerned, wavering. " _Please._ The walls are thin. I'll be right back. _"_

"Olivia," Elliot repeats, but she slips out of the room before answering. Frustrated, he scoffs softly and stands. Then _quietly_ , he begins to search for his clothes on Olivia's floor, deciding that with the way the morning was currently going, it was unlikely that Olivia was going to climb back into bed anytime soon.

In the living room, Olivia is running a hand through her hair anxiously. _There is no need to be nervous_ , she tries to tell herself. _You didn't do anything wrong._ And she hadn't, really, and in her heart, she knew that. But for some reason, she feels guilt creeping into her mind, and it takes a considerable amount of effort to push her memories of Elliot's lips on her skin and the imagined reaction of Jonathan's parents to her actions last night from her mind.

Olivia nearly trips over her coat now, which is in the middle of the living room floor, and she clucks her tongue nervously before picking it up and throwing it into the coat closet. As she approaches the door, she catches a glance of herself in the foyer mirror and gives herself a half second to try and relax the muscles in her face. She quickly decides this is hopeless before opening the door.

"Olivia!" says Vivian, immediately pulling her into a brief hug. Olivia quickly registers with waning gratefulness that she is not holding any luggage. Olivia tries her best not to tense up too much and forces a tight-lipped smile onto her face after she pulls away and guides the Rhoades into her apartment.

"It's good to see you, Olivia," she hears Joshua say. And immediately, Olivia diverts her eyes, choosing to focus only on Vivian. Vivian is a thin-faced woman with wispy, honey blonde hair and deep-set blue eyes. Aside from the color of her hair, she didn't look very much like her son at all. Olivia knew the exact opposite to be true of Joshua. She didn't think she could look into his hazel eyes just yet.

"We were worried that if we came any later, you'd already be at work and Luke would be at school," Vivian says, looking around for her oldest grandchild. "Is he still asleep?"

"No, I'm sorry, he and Grace spent the night at a friend's," Olivia begins, "And I usually go into work at…" She pauses briefly before remembering the clock in her room showing the time 8:01 am.

" _Shit_ ," she whispers, forgetting, momentarily, who she is with. This lapse in memory ends quickly as she meets Vivian's eyes, which are mingling with something between concern and disdain.

"Olivia," she says softly after throwing a quick glance at Joshua. Olivia tries very hard not to resent the change of inflection in her voice. "Are you doing alright, dear? Honestly, I can't say that we didn't expect you to have some difficulty dealing with the children and work and all of your affairs after the funeral. Maybe it would be a good idea for you all to get out the city? You could move upstate, breathe a little easier, and Joshua and I would be close…"

"I'm not moving," Olivia says, shaking her head a little. She knew where this conversation was going and had no interest in continuing it. "Luke has friends here. And my job is in the city."

"Well it's not like you really need to work, is it?" Vivian asks. Olivia looks at Jonathan's mother, who is watching her with a slightly tilted head and a knowing look. Olivia knows exactly what she is asking. Jonathan had left a very large sum of money to Olivia when he'd passed: the combined efforts of his trust fund, life insurance, and savings. Olivia supposed Vivian was curious as to whether Olivia had miraculously found a way to spend all of it in such a short period of time.

"No," Olivia says, trying to keep her voice from growing too hard. "I don't. But I suppose I enjoy working. And like I said, I don't want to take Luke away from his friends."

"Well, wouldn't it be in Luke's best interest, in the end really?" Vivian says, still pushing. "I mean, you'd be able to spend all day with him and Grace. Don't you miss them while you're working? They spend so much time with friends and sitters…"

Olivia nearly snorts at this point. She knows for a fact that Jonathan had had a nanny when he was growing up. Restraining herself is proving to be a difficult task, and so she decides that it is best to hurry this conversation along.

"I do miss them. Constantly," Olivia says flatly. "And I really should be going to pick Grace up, if you don't mind…"

"Of course," Vivian says, her thin-lipped smile from earlier returning. "We only stopped by to drop off the children's Christmas gifts. It's a shame really that we won't be able to stay for the holiday."

"Right," Olivia says, looking behind Vivian to see that Joshua is holding the presents. She takes the large stack from him and moves into to the living room to place them under the tree. She's disappointed to hear footsteps following behind her as she moves. When she straightens up, Joshua has taken a seat, and she draws her eyes away from him as quickly as possible to look at Vivian, who is sitting gingerly on the couch arm. Olivia follows her questioning gaze to Elliot's coat, which is draped haphazardly on the back of the couch. She nearly bites her tongue in surprise.

"Thank you," she says abruptly, trying both to force the panic out of her own voice and to get Vivian to look back at her. "For the gifts. I'll be sure to tell Luke you sent them."

"It's no problem," Vivian says, still smiling in the same way. She shows no evidence that she noticed Elliot's coat, even though she'd been staring at it intensely only a few seconds prior. She does hold Olivia's gaze for a second more than necessary, however, and unwillingly, Olivia feels a blush start to rise on her cheeks.

"There's another reason we stopped by," Joshua says, surprising Olivia into looking over at him. The second his hazel eyes pierce her, she feels a second wave of guilt wash over her and her eyes hit the floor reflexively. "Right, Vivian?"

Thankfully, this gives Olivia an excuse to look away. Unfortunately, this means that Olivia has to look back at Vivian. Her gaze has let up, however, and she no longer appears to be aiming to look into Olivia's soul.

"We're selling the house," Vivian says, her eyebrows raising just slightly. Olivia's interest peaks for a moment. Jonathan's childhood home was a source of pride for the Rhoades. It was an 8-bedroom colonial-style home that had been in the family for at least three generations, as far as she knew. It didn't make sense for them to sell it.

Joshua must see the confusion in her face. He begins to clarify.

"Jonathan was an only child. We intended to pass the house to him," he says. His voice lifts briefly at the end of this statement, and Olivia is reminded, however briefly, that the Rhoades has lost a child in Jonathan. However badly he had treated her, she is able to understand the magnitude of this. "You were his wife. You had children together. You're family."

"You mean…" Olivia begins, so shocked that she looks straight at Joshua again. This time she holds his gaze, and in looking at him longer, she is able to see that he doesn't look as much like Jonathan as she remembers. He's aged in the past couple of years. The crinkled lines around the corners of his eyes and his almost all snow-white hair have softened his appearance and he's thinner than Olivia remembers. He smiles slightly; a soft, encouraging smile that she had never seen on Jonathan before.

"We want to sell to you," Joshua clarifies. "For a discount, of course. It should belong to you."

"I can't," Olivia says, the words rolling out of her mouth before she even thinks about them. But the idea frightens her. She can't imagine it. Living in Jonathan's house would mean being constantly surrounded by him, constantly feeling the bubbling guilt in the pit of her stomach that she's trying so hard to ignore now. Inexplicably, she remembers Elliot laying in her bed, sees him smiling in the dark at her, feels him kissing her. She feels like she could vomit.

"I'm sorry," she says, softly, ignoring the confused looks on both Vivian and Joshua's faces. "I'm so sorry. But I have to go."

She rushes them out of the house after this. It's rude, she knows, but she can barely even hear them, barely even recognizes their faces.

"Well, dear, at least look at it," Vivian says, dropping a key in the dish on the foyer table. "Take the kids up over the break. They'll love it. There's even a swing set in the backyard."

This is the last thing she says before Olivia successfully ushers them out of the door, shutting and locking it behind them. After they're gone, she takes a shaky breath, blinks back the stubborn, rising tears in her eyes, and goes back to her bedroom.

Elliot is not in her bed. And not in the bathroom, either, she sees, when she ducks her head in to look for him.

"El?" she calls, feeling like she's losing her mind. Her head is buzzing; she can't seem to catch her breath. And then Elliot pops his head in the window and nearly scares her into screaming. He sees her jump and he smiles sheepishly as he climbs off of the fire escape into the room.

"Sorry," he says. "Didn't mean to scare you. I didn't realize it was so late. I had to call out of work, but I didn't want you to hear me, so I figured the fire escape was my best bet. You know I told Fin I was taking you out this weekend? He's never going to let me hear the end of this…"

It's only now, when he's only about two feet away from Olivia, that he notices the look on her face. His face drops and he reaches for her, though cautiously. Olivia hesitates for just a moment before stepping into his arms, taking in another deep, unsteady breath.

"Olivia, what happened?" he asks. "Who was at the door?"

Olivia can't find the words at first. They all catch in her throat and her head is still spinning and her skin is tingling. She can't bring herself to put her arms around Elliot even though she wants to, but he seems to understand somehow. His arms slip around her instead and he holds her tight to him. Olivia hates herself for reacting this way and hates the fact that she feels like she's overreacting in the first place. She hates that she wants to be present in this moment, in Elliot's arms, but that she's stuck in her head somewhere between the disappointed look on Joshua Rhoades face and the eerie smirk that Jonathan used to wear.

"Liv," Elliot says, his lips pressed to her forehead, pulling her back to him. "Who was at the door?"

"Jonathan's parents," she manages to whisper finally. Her self-hatred is filling up inside her, threatening to spill over. Olivia feels a sudden, inexplicable urge to pull away from Elliot. She holds off for as long as she can, but eventually, she can't restrain herself anymore and she steps backward and out of his arms, wiping the tears from her eyes. "They dropped some presents off for the kids."

Elliot is watching her carefully, and Olivia knows that he wants to pull her back into his arms, but she can't be there right now. Now is not the time to break down. This shouldn't have been such a big deal. With a very large amount of effort, she pulls herself back from the brink of her impending collapse and takes a deep breath, managing to steady her voice.

"They dropped off presents," Olivia repeats, more for herself than Elliot. She runs a shaking hand through her hair and walks around Elliot so that she can go to the bathroom and avoid his eyes.

"Okay," Elliot says. Olivia hears him sit on the edge of the bed. He's waiting for her to continue. And after she picks up her washcloth and begins to wash her face, she does.

"They want to sell me the house."

"The house?" Elliot asks. Olivia nods before remembering he can't see her.

"Their house. Where Jonathan grew up. It's upstate," she says, her voice growing quieter even though she doesn't mean for it to. "They want me to move the kids out of the city. They think it might be easier for them. For us, I guess."

Elliot is quiet as Olivia starts to brush her teeth. For so long that eventually, she steps out of the bathroom to make sure he's still there.

"Do you want to move?" he asks after a minute. Olivia's eyebrows knit and she shakes her head quickly before going back to the sink.

"Of course not," she says after she spits into the sink. "Of course not, El. Even if I was thinking about getting out of the city, I couldn't live there. Not in his house." She feels her chest tighten slightly, but she ignores this.

"Okay," he says. He sounds more relaxed. Olivia wipes her mouth and looks at herself in the mirror.

"I'm going to go look at it though," Olivia calls softly. "Just to say that I did before I tell them no again." Elliot doesn't answer, so she continues. "I'm going to go see it now. If I drive up within the hour, I can look at it and be back in time to make dinner for the kids."

She steps out of the bathroom now, fiddling with the ribbon on her robe. Elliot's eyes travel over her body slowly, then his eyes shoot up to meet hers. She feels her cheeks warm. For some reason, last night feels like it happened so long ago. It takes her a minute to keep talking.

"All of this is contingent on the hope that when I call into work to lie about why I'm not there, they don't call me in to fire me in person," Olivia says as she glances at the phone, worry finding its way to her face again.

"Liv," Elliot says, getting her to look back at him. He holds out his hand and Olivia hesitates for a moment before she takes it, then lets him pull her closer to him. He reaches up and cups her cheek with her free hand, guiding her face down so that he can kiss her deeply. Olivia feels electricity and lingering guilt shoot through her body, but she kisses him back anyway; kisses him until her head feels light.

After Elliot lets her go, he strokes her cheek gently. His blue eyes don't leave her brown ones.

"I'm sorry," he says. He sees Olivia's eyes knit in confusion and elaborates. "I'm sorry about work. It's my fault you didn't make it in."

"Kind of," Olivia says softly, managing to smile. Elliot's touch has managed to bring her heart rate back down to a reasonable pace. She hated how fickle her body could be. Only five minutes ago, she felt like couldn't touch him, and yet, right now, she didn't want his hand to ever leave her face. "But it's mine too. I asked you to stay."

"Yeah," Elliot says, smiling. "I guess you did."

Olivia leans in and kisses him again. She can feel his smile against her lips. When they pull apart, the concern that had been lingering on his face earlier is mostly gone.

"Alright," Elliot says. "You go ahead and call in, then we can get ready and we'll go."

"We?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah," Elliot says. And he looks at Olivia with such an intensity that she realizes that he had not been completely fooled by her attempt to collect herself and save face. Then carefully, he raises one of her hands to his lips, kissing it gently. "We. If that's okay with you."

He takes the phone off the hook and offers it to her. Olivia watches him for a second before smiling gently and nodding.

"Yeah, that's okay," she says, taking the phone. Elliot pulls her into his lap, surprising her, and kisses her exposed shoulder gently before he dials the number of her office for her. Olivia's smile widens as she realizes that he must have memorized it. Her body warms as Elliot's arms wrap around her waist as the phone starts ringing. Oliva looks at him, tracing over his jaw gently before pressing her lips to his temple; a silent thank-you. Jonathan might be in her head, but Elliot was here, with her now. And that mattered more.


	18. The House, Pt II

AN: Hi, I really like this chapter, that is all. Read and review, please!

Chapter 17 – The House, Pt. II (Reflections)

Olivia's phone call appears to go rather smoothly. She hangs up the phone after a couple of okays, and when she does, Elliot presses a kiss to her jaw, then her neck, making her shiver.

"Sounds like that went okay," he says, tilting his head a little to see Olivia's face. She turns in his lap to face him, a slightly surprised look on her face. Elliot becomes immediately distracted. Olivia is beautiful. This is not a new revelation, but he's never had the opportunity to look at her from this point of view before. He adjusts his grip on her waist with one hand and uses the other to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear, his eyes dragging over her face as he drinks in all of her features. Olivia tilts her head gently and looks at him in a way that makes his chest feel like it could cave in.

"It did," she says. "My boss gave me until the 26th off. She that said I've been working hard lately, and I deserve a break."

"That's good news then," Elliot murmurs, his eyes now on Olivia's collarbone. Her skin flushes red as she appears to notice his staring.

"Elliot," she murmurs, leading him to look up into her brown eyes. He knew he was being a bad friend right now. Olivia had walked into this room nearly crying only 15 minutes ago and although she had appeared to pull herself together, Elliot knew that she was not okay. She may have been able to miraculously push through both the stress of the holidays and the sudden appearance Jonathan's parents in some other situation, but Elliot knew that the second anniversary of both Jonathan and her mother's deaths were also coming up. These events combined were sure to have an effect on Olivia and he planned to be there to support her when her strength ran out. But right now, at this moment, Elliot couldn't help but bask in the knowledge that he and Olivia's relationship had taken a very favorable and important turn last night. He was not just her friend anymore, but something more and it felt like that was all he had ever wanted. It was impossible not to stare at Olivia in all her beauty, impossible to keep his hands off of her, impossible not to at least _think_ about kissing her constantly, especially when considering how well last night had gone.

"El," Olivia whispers into his ear now, causing a chill to run down his spine. She wraps her arms around his neck loosely and presses a lingering kiss to his cheek. "You've got to stop looking at me like that."

The tone of her voice causes Elliot's entire body to stir. He licks his lips and leans back in an effort to control himself. He doubts that Olivia is aware of the effect she has on him and he doesn't intend on making her uncomfortable by showing her right now, so he clears his throat and speaks up.

"We have to get ready to go, don't we?" he asks, trying and failing to tell his hands to move from her waist. Olivia pulls back a little and looks at him. He could swear that her eyes are a shade darker than they had been a moment before. She runs her eyes over his face, bites her bottom lip gently, and then nods.

"Yes," Olivia answers. But her voice is still low, seductive, musical. "I'm about to get in the shower now."

Elliot waits for her to stand up and go back into the bathroom. But she flicks her eyes back up to meet his as she slides her hand over one of his and guides it to the ribbon holding her robe closed. And Elliot suddenly, realizes that he had not been alone in his basking.

"Would you like to join me?"

•

Due to their shower escapade, it takes a little over another hour for Elliot and Olivia to prepare to leave the house. After calling the babysitter to ask her to pick up Grace from Kathy's and Luke from school later that afternoon, Olivia and Elliot step out of the front door. Olivia stumbles over the entryway, and when Elliot reaches out to steady her, he swears he hears her mumble "I can't feel my legs." His heart leaps in his chest.

Olivia drives. She seems to know exactly where she is going, and there is not much conversation on the trip. Elliot doesn't mind this, though. He needs the time to go over his thoughts, and he makes sure to turn towards the window so that he doesn't get distracted by Olivia as he had earlier.

He had only been on one date with Olivia. He knew that. He had only kissed her for the first time a month ago. But things were different with her. He wanted her, all of her. Briefly, he tries to imagine seeing her with someone else and his body fills with anger. Automatically, his mind replaces the image with the memory of Olivia rushing to pull her coat off the night before, laughter in her eyes, smiling at him shyly with red lips.

 _"_ _What about when we break up?"_ she had asked after Thanksgiving before he had even really gotten to propose the idea of them being together. Elliot had been surprised. And then offended. But he supposed some of his anger was with himself. He hadn't been prepared for that question because he hadn't even thought about the possibility of breaking up. That was insane since he already had one divorce under his belt. But whenever he imagined being with Olivia, he imagined dates, a wedding, a home with all of the kids, a baby with blue eyes and dark brown hair, a lot of laughter, a lot of affection. Never once a breakup. Why was that?

 _You know why_ his conscience whispers. But that couldn't be the reason. It was too early. Much too early. But even as he thinks this, he feels an urge to say the phrase out loud.

 _You are falling in love with her_ the voice pushes softly, still in his head. And it's like just thinking the words makes him realize this statement to be true. He glances over at Olivia quickly, but as she shifts her head a bit, he looks away again, inexplicably fearing that she'll be able to tell what's he's thinking about with just one glance. He had been on this track for awhile now, and it seemed like last night had only caused him to trip and fall head over heels into something that was different from anything he had ever experienced before. The thought was frightening, exhilarating, elating.

And yet, some part of him feels guilty. Why should he feel guilty? Because he knew there was no way she could feel the same way after such a short period of time? Because he knew that she was still dealing with the death of her late husband, however much Elliot hated him? Just because it was much, _much_ too early, by anyone's standards, really, to even have the word _love_ floating around in his head? Maybe for all of those reasons.

And yet, the longer Elliot sits, looking at the bare skeletons of trees whipping by as Olivia drives, humming the tune to a song he doesn't know, the truer these words become. With every second, he can feel himself sinking a little deeper into a hole he had no intention of digging himself out of.

 _He is falling in love with Olivia._

•

"Wow," Elliot says in a hushed voice. He stands in the driveway of the Rhodes driveway, looking up at the enormous stone house in front of him. Olivia, who has just locked the car, walks by him.

"I know," she says, her voice flat. "Amazing, isn't it?" Her initially sunny mood from earlier had depleted, and when Elliot glances at her, he can't read her expression. Elliot follows her down the walkway to the front door and then enters the house with her. It's beautiful. It's mostly empty – he suspected that the Rhodes had moved most of their things out – but it's impossible to miss the signs that this was a million-dollar house. He doesn't understand how Olivia can afford it.

"Olivia," he begins, but when he looks around, he sees that she's left the entryway. He follows her into the living room, his eyes traveling around the room. "Olivia, how can you-"

"Jonathan left me money," Olivia says, anticipating his question. She stands in the center of the room, looking at the fireplace at the head of the room. Her voice is quiet, but it echoes around the room anyway. "A lot of money. Even if I bought the house, it wouldn't be all of it. The Rhodes don't understand why I still work."

Elliot frowns. He cannot imagine how he hadn't known this before. Olivia had never mentioned money when she was with him, he supposed.

"But it doesn't matter," Olivia says, pulling her eyes away from the fireplace and looking at Elliot. "I don't want it."

"Olivia," Elliot interrupts. He catches Olivia's hand as she starts to walk past him, moving back toward the front door. "Come on. Be realistic. This is a nice house."

"I don't want it," Olivia repeats. Elliot tries again to judge her expression, but she won't meet his eyes. "Let's go."

"We drove all the way up here," Elliot insists. "We can at least look around. That's why you wanted to come, isn't it?" Olivia is quiet.

"Come on," Elliot continues. "We'll split up, you don't even have to walk through the whole house. I'll take…the west wing." He says this last part with slight awe in his voice, and Olivia throws an annoyed glance in his direction.

"Fine," she whispers. Elliot lets go of her hand. "I'll meet you back here in 10 minutes." Elliot nods his agreement and watches her disappear down a hallway to his right.

"Christ," he whispers. He looks around the living room once more before going through an entryway. It leads to the kitchen, which is empty as well, but equally spacious. He runs his hand over a marble counter, his eyebrows coming down to knit together. Olivia had mentioned when they pulled up that this was an eight-bedroom house. If they did end up married, they'd need around 8 bedrooms for their combined families. Elliot knew that he would never be able to afford a house like this. Not on his salary. And suddenly, the house begins to look a whole lot less beautiful.

•

Olivia's tour of the house does not go well.

She pokes her head into an empty bedroom first. Then the adjoining bathroom. Then the study across the hall. And then she heads upstairs and goes into the first room on the left and this is her mistake.

The rest of the house had been emptied of furniture and cleaned. This room had not. When Olivia crosses the threshold, it feels like she's stepped back in time. The walls are painted a light pea-green and decorated with a few baseball posters. The closet is full of faded clothing. There are notebooks sitting on the desk pushed against the far wall, and shelves held trophies and old baseball mitts and faded pictures.

This was Jonathan's room.

It seemed like Vivian and Joshua hadn't touched it in all this time. They'd probably just put it off at the beginning, and it wasn't like they really needed _this_ bedroom. But after he had died, the decision to leave it must have been a decision. Olivia suddenly realizes that she needs to breathe and takes a sudden, gulping breath, trying to ignore the stinging in her eyes.

She takes another step in, drawn closer by some invisible force. She's close enough now to stroke the comforter on the bed.

 _"_ _Jonathan," Olivia was whining, trying to swat the blonde-haired boy lying next to her on the bed away from her neck. He'd brought her home for Christmas break. And his parents had loved her, and she'd well…liked his dad, at least. But she did not want to ruin her reputation by getting caught with her hand in Jonathan's cookie jar. "We're in your parents' house!"_

 _"_ _So, what?" he whispered, grinning and swooping in to place a kiss on Olivia's lips. She'd whimpered softly against his lips. "They're on the other side of the house. They won't hear." Then he'd kissed her again, and when he'd pulled back, that blinding smile on his face, the only protests coming from Olivia's lips had been for him to come back and kiss her again._

Olivia takes another deep breath. Her vision blurs, and the plaid blanket on the bed becomes nothing more than a blob of color. She blinks and walks toward the closet, reaching out and fingering a bright red rain jacket.

 _"_ _So, this is your apartment?" Jonathan had asked. He peeled his soaking wet rain jacket off and let it fall to the floor. Olivia had looked back at him warily, her hair dripping, her clothes stuck to her. She'd been able to prevent Jonathan from seeing her tiny apartment up until this point. But they'd gotten caught in the rain at the park down the block and this was the closest place for them to go. Her cheeks flush as he looks around. He was rich, and she was not. This was probably the smallest room he'd ever been in._

 _"_ _I love it," Jonathan says, finding her eyes. She looks at him, eyes wide. He grins. And it feels like the sun had just come out from behind a cloud. "I love it, Olivia. And I love you."_

 _That was the first time he'd said it. And Olivia had stood in shock for a minute, dripping onto the carpet, stuck in place. But eventually, she'd returned his smile._

 _"_ _I love you, too."_

And she had. She'd loved Jonathan and everything he represented with every bone in her body. She would have given an arm to be him at that point.

But why hadn't he given her his jacket?

Olivia hadn't wondered this until many years later, when she and Luke had been on a playdate in the park with Elliot and Dickie and it had started drizzling and Elliot had draped his jacket over the two boys without a second thought, then shared his umbrella with Olivia on the walk home. If Jonathan had truly cared about her, how could he have made it the whole way home without noticing that she was both freezing and soaking wet?

Olivia's eyes burn a little less now. She pulls her hand away from the jacket. Her eyes fall on the bookshelf near the desk. She walks over now, crouching and sitting in the corner before pulling out a book at random, running her hand over the cover.

 _When she was sixteen years old, Olivia spent a lot of time in the library of Hudson University. She had always liked reading. It had provided some form of an escape. Her mother knew that. And so she'd talked to the head librarian at Hudson and convinced her to let Oliva in at any time._

 _This was proof that Olivia's mother was not always awful. In fact, there were times when Olivia caught Serena Benson looking at her with a mixture of tenderness and sadness that almost made Olivia believe her mother felt sorry for her. And usually, after these moments, Serena would do something small, but nice, for her daughter. Take her out for ice cream, buy her a new pair of gloves, stitch up a hole in one of her favorite sweaters. So, one summer afternoon, the day after a particularly heated argument with Serena, Olivia had walked into her bedroom to find a note letting her know that her mother was out for the night and a Hudson University library card._

 _On this particular Saturday morning, Olivia was sitting in a back corner on the fourth-floor reading_ Flowers in the Attic _. She'd been far, far, away, when someone had plopped down on the floor next to her_ much _too close and pulled her books out of her hands._

 _"_ _Excuse me," she said, feeling quite annoyed. She'd snatched the book back from the boy sitting next to her. He had golden blonde curls, hazel eyes, and skin so tan that it seemed like he must have spent all his time outside. In fact, he looked like he could be the sun itself. When he smiles, it's blinding._

 _"_ _What's that about?" he'd asked, peering over Olivia's shoulder. She'd huffed and scooted back, not before noticing that he was rather attractive._

 _"_ _Why don't you run along and find a copy so that you can find out for yourself?" Olivia had suggested with a false cheeriness, raising her book so that it covered her face. She heard the boy chuckle. She groans as he reaches out and lowers the book so that he can look into her face._

 _"_ _You know, you look kind of young to be in college," he remarks, his tone casual. "How old are you?"_

 _"_ _Old enough," Olivia says, looking back at him with what she hoped was an irritated, not embarrassed, expression. The boy had only smiled wider._

 _"_ _What's your name?"_

Olivia scoffed and finally set down her book, frowning now.

 _"_ _What's_ your _name?" she asks. The boy tilts his head. Olivia couldn't help but notice that his teeth were a brilliant white._

 _"_ _I'm Jonathan," he says, staring into Olivia's eyes. "Now you."_

 _"_ _I'm Olivia," she'd heard herself saying, despite her will. She could feel her cheeks growing warm._

 _"_ _Olivia," Jonathan repeats. It sounds exquisite coming off of his tongue. "It's nearly lunchtime, Olivia. Would you like to go and grab a bite to eat?"_

 _"_ _Are you asking me out?" Olivia had asked boldly. Jonathan had only nodded and then leaned forward to pick a piece of lint from her shoulder._

 _"_ _Yes, I suppose I am," he says. Olivia's cheeks only grow warmer._

 _"_ _For some reason, I have a feeling that you won't take no for an answer." Jonathan smiles slyly, shrugging noncommittally._

 _"_ _I think I'd manage to convince you," he says. "I can be very persuasive." Jonathan then holds his hand out to Olivia. His smile is_ so _cute. She can't help but smile back._

 _"_ _Okay," she'd whispered, taking his hand. "Okay."_

 _He'd taken Olivia to a very nice restaurant after that. And she'd been wined and dined and wooed. It seemed like she'd begun to fall in love right then and there. She had been blinded by Jonathan's light on that day. It took her years to get her sight back._

Olivia feels a tear run down her cheek. She swipes at it in an annoyed manner. She had played that scene over and over and over in her head right after Jonathan's death and cried every time. She'd _missed_ the boy from the library, the boy who was the sun, the boy who could talk her into anything. She'd been so consumed with love and longing every time that scene started to play that she'd eventually just tried to block it out altogether.

But she doesn't feel those things now. Instead, she feels little more than a bothersome, guilty feeling, and for the life of her she can't figure out why. At least until the memory of Jonathan's face smiling at her in the Hudson library is replaced with the image of Elliot sitting on her bed this morning, his eyes traveling over her face ravenously. And then suddenly, Olivia goes from feeling almost nothing to feeling everything at once.

Sadness for what she had lost in Jonathan.

Longing for Elliot's touch.

Desire, like she had felt this morning, like that all too familiar pull in her belly that had driven her to invite Elliot into the shower.

Completeness, like she felt in the middle of the night when she rolled over and felt Elliot's body against hers.

Guilt over the feelings that used to be reserved for her husband that were now directed all towards Elliot Stabler.

Blossoming, persistent love, not for Jonathan, but Elliot. Elliot, who she supposed she had fallen in love with somewhere along the way without even noticing; who had draped his jacket over her son like he was his own, who held her when she needed to be held, who understood how to sit in the quiet with her, who had asked if she was _sure_ two, three, four, times.

Sitting on the floor in the corner of her late husband's childhood bedroom, Olivia feels sad and free and guilty and light all at the same time. She doesn't wipe away the new tears when they come.


End file.
